How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Micro-Critter and the Eavesdropper"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
94 total reviews
Comment from Sissy
Hi Jay,
Hope things are well. I enjoyed this latest installment! You really do a nice job on informing us, but making it interesting. I think you bring up a lot of valid points. Depending on the strengths and weakness of each writer, I think they can use this to help them in guideline form for what they need to accomplish in their work.
Good stuff!
Some things to consider:
but, alas! (<--Maybe capitalize--> not) our focus today.
--Or if you don't wanna, maybe: 'but--alas!--not our focus today.
The opening scene of a story may be a snowy hillside the day after a blizzard. The writer has seen such a scene many times; but, even if he had never actually been there, (probably could eliminate comma here and use 'and') was reared, rather, in Santa Barbara, California, still, he's researched the geography of the place thoroughly (albeit from a leather chair in the city library). (Jay, this sentence required two rereads. I added the 'and' to kill one comma, but the 'but', 'rather', 'still', and the commas made this one hard to grasp.)
canvass (canvas)
you'll read on about all that beautiful snow; (y)ou'll even let the cold creep into your joints, just as the writer wants; oh, you'll frolic in your imagination with the snow bunny and dodge once or twice those bloody cardinal's wings ... but, if you're like me, before too awfully long you'd better be witness to someone trudging through that beautiful snow.
I can only tell you by way of example that with parts of (need?-->some of) Robert Frost's poetry, I have felt our brief embrace -- no more than a polite guy-hug, really.
It is only with the addition of this yeasty ingredient, dialogue, to the story-muffin that the reader's interest can really start to rise. (I liked this a lot!!)
That's it! Hope it helps!!
Take care,
Sissy
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Hi Jay,
Hope things are well. I enjoyed this latest installment! You really do a nice job on informing us, but making it interesting. I think you bring up a lot of valid points. Depending on the strengths and weakness of each writer, I think they can use this to help them in guideline form for what they need to accomplish in their work.
Good stuff!
Some things to consider:
but, alas! (<--Maybe capitalize--> not) our focus today.
--Or if you don't wanna, maybe: 'but--alas!--not our focus today.
The opening scene of a story may be a snowy hillside the day after a blizzard. The writer has seen such a scene many times; but, even if he had never actually been there, (probably could eliminate comma here and use 'and') was reared, rather, in Santa Barbara, California, still, he's researched the geography of the place thoroughly (albeit from a leather chair in the city library). (Jay, this sentence required two rereads. I added the 'and' to kill one comma, but the 'but', 'rather', 'still', and the commas made this one hard to grasp.)
canvass (canvas)
you'll read on about all that beautiful snow; (y)ou'll even let the cold creep into your joints, just as the writer wants; oh, you'll frolic in your imagination with the snow bunny and dodge once or twice those bloody cardinal's wings ... but, if you're like me, before too awfully long you'd better be witness to someone trudging through that beautiful snow.
I can only tell you by way of example that with parts of (need?-->some of) Robert Frost's poetry, I have felt our brief embrace -- no more than a polite guy-hug, really.
It is only with the addition of this yeasty ingredient, dialogue, to the story-muffin that the reader's interest can really start to rise. (I liked this a lot!!)
That's it! Hope it helps!!
Take care,
Sissy
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Thank you, Sissy. Long after the other crits have said "No SPAG, No Nits, Structurally perfect in every way -- along comes Sissy. And you nail it. I read it several times, word upon agonizing word, I mean slowly, and found nothing. You are amazing, my dear. Thanks again...
Jay
Comment from Mrs Jones
I found this chapter interesting and very informative and helpful. I could not possibly ingest all this so I will save it to bookcase. Thank you very much.
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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I found this chapter interesting and very informative and helpful. I could not possibly ingest all this so I will save it to bookcase. Thank you very much.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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What a marvelous compliment you are paying me, Rose. Thank you for saving this. I hope you follow along with the rest of them...
Jay
Comment from GrandmaSharon
Thank you for the education. I read all the writing books and information I can get my hands on. Some of it sticks right away and some I have to read over and over.
That's why I am glad to have this saved in my bookcase.
God bless you
Sharon
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Thank you for the education. I read all the writing books and information I can get my hands on. Some of it sticks right away and some I have to read over and over.
That's why I am glad to have this saved in my bookcase.
God bless you
Sharon
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Grandma, your comments mean so much to me. I thank you for them. I hope some of what I wrote sticks and you'll refer to the rest of it again and again. What a precious compliment!
Jay
Comment from DEEPTI GUPTA
I liked your thoughtful and sensible writing. It speaks so much. I did
feel confused at some places....... still it flowed deep inside me.
All the best and thanks for sharing it with us .
Deepti
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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I liked your thoughtful and sensible writing. It speaks so much. I did
feel confused at some places....... still it flowed deep inside me.
All the best and thanks for sharing it with us .
Deepti
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Thank you Deepti for your thoughtful and kind crit. It would be most helpful if you could tell me where you felt confused. I want to make sure it is clearly understood, though fun to read. Thanks again...
Jay
Comment from Cairn Destop
Think this chapter lost a bit of its focus when compared to the rest of the book. In the previous installments, you explain why you do what you do. In here, you spend your time exploring the elements of a story. It's a nice diversion, but it is a misdirection.
Now one of the things I learned here is that writing, like pictures, are best rendered in three-D. Same with stories. Instead of depth, detail and dimention, stories have description, dialogue and drama. You noted how most writers compose their stories, opening description, character introductions, dialogue and then dramatic action. Did you ever consider that some chapters in a novel might rearrange that order for variety.
Using your example of the husband and wife. Imagine the story opening with knicknacks flying everywhere. Screams that are beastly, both male and female. No names given in that first two or three paragraphs, no descriptions, just the drama of a fight. It should catch your imagination faster than a one-paragraph look at a lipstick stained collar and a grinning man.
You also seemed to miss the idea that a chapter can be focused on one specific character first. An author might want to establish him/her/it first before expansion. That means little or no dialogue, but a lot of descriptions.
As I noted in my prior chapter review, I can understand why you don't follow books online. Sometimes you want a respite from the prior chapter's actions. A stepping back and smell the roses rest.
If you're doing a short, then your advice is spot on, but do remember, even the best of novels has its dull or boring portions. Good readers continue through it because, as Marchinco would say, you will see this again and then it will be important.
No SPAG.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Think this chapter lost a bit of its focus when compared to the rest of the book. In the previous installments, you explain why you do what you do. In here, you spend your time exploring the elements of a story. It's a nice diversion, but it is a misdirection.
Now one of the things I learned here is that writing, like pictures, are best rendered in three-D. Same with stories. Instead of depth, detail and dimention, stories have description, dialogue and drama. You noted how most writers compose their stories, opening description, character introductions, dialogue and then dramatic action. Did you ever consider that some chapters in a novel might rearrange that order for variety.
Using your example of the husband and wife. Imagine the story opening with knicknacks flying everywhere. Screams that are beastly, both male and female. No names given in that first two or three paragraphs, no descriptions, just the drama of a fight. It should catch your imagination faster than a one-paragraph look at a lipstick stained collar and a grinning man.
You also seemed to miss the idea that a chapter can be focused on one specific character first. An author might want to establish him/her/it first before expansion. That means little or no dialogue, but a lot of descriptions.
As I noted in my prior chapter review, I can understand why you don't follow books online. Sometimes you want a respite from the prior chapter's actions. A stepping back and smell the roses rest.
If you're doing a short, then your advice is spot on, but do remember, even the best of novels has its dull or boring portions. Good readers continue through it because, as Marchinco would say, you will see this again and then it will be important.
No SPAG.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Cairn, this is a most helpful crit, for which I thank you. I'm afraid I was unintentionally misdirecting if it implied I thought there was some sort of a formula for the beginning of a piece, such as description, character introduction, dialogue, then dramatic action. All important ingredients notwithstanding, I was more trying to emphasize how a piece is people and drama driven. I will certainly reread my piece with your thoughts in mind. My hat is off to you for being so explicit in your commentary, which indicates how you read it with great detail. Hat off, thumb up!
Jay
Comment from Lokman
Hmm.
Some interesting points, but i'm not sure if you covered them as well as you've done before.
Perhaps it's just the semantics. Eavesdropping can almost be construed as a dirty word in the minds of some. And eavesdropping, does it give the reader the emotional response the reader wants? Sounds more as if someone is peering in from the outside rather than becoming involved, and becoming an integral element in the book.
Guess I need to think more about this. There's a question on the tip of my tongue, but it won't let go.
Good work,
Lokman
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Hmm.
Some interesting points, but i'm not sure if you covered them as well as you've done before.
Perhaps it's just the semantics. Eavesdropping can almost be construed as a dirty word in the minds of some. And eavesdropping, does it give the reader the emotional response the reader wants? Sounds more as if someone is peering in from the outside rather than becoming involved, and becoming an integral element in the book.
Guess I need to think more about this. There's a question on the tip of my tongue, but it won't let go.
Good work,
Lokman
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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If it does let go, Lokman, please shoot me a line. I've certainly got some varied comment on this. I appreciate yours greatly. Eavesdropping was chosen as a state of attention redirection away from the intravironment (hey I like that!) of the piece to the abrupt and uncomfortable realization that my eyes are roaming a page of black squiggles against white. "Sounds more as if someone is peering in from the outside rather than becoming involved, and becoming an integral element in the book." Exactly, my friend. And it is the product of distraction -- from the reader's own environment, or unhappily, from the pen of the writer. If you loosen that other thought spit it out to me, okay? I always look forward to your input, Lokman, because you are always thinking.
Jay
Comment from LovnPeace
Hum, this gives me much to think about. It was difficult in places though, without using my good ole' dictionary, but I got the jest of most of it anyway. Some places wanted to put me to sleep, some other places was very good reading and informative.
I don't consider myself a writer though of that genre and I can barely remember my own dialogue.
Sure happy I don't need to figure all this out. I would never get a book finished. :+)
Coulda been shorter, but well done. Thank you for sharing. L&P*
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Hum, this gives me much to think about. It was difficult in places though, without using my good ole' dictionary, but I got the jest of most of it anyway. Some places wanted to put me to sleep, some other places was very good reading and informative.
I don't consider myself a writer though of that genre and I can barely remember my own dialogue.
Sure happy I don't need to figure all this out. I would never get a book finished. :+)
Coulda been shorter, but well done. Thank you for sharing. L&P*
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Thank you Lov'n Peace, for your direct commentary. The piece wasn't intended as a soporific, but if it is, but doesn't put the reader fully and completey asleep it failed in that as well, lol. Oh my! Please stay tuned L& P. I'll have some -- I'm hoping -- good and helpful things to say in the weeks ahead. Love to have you aboard.
Jay
Comment from LittleEmpress
You are doing an excellent job writing this book. I can't tell you how much this has helped me with my writing. I am recommending this to my sister who has also begun to write. I didn't see any typos or errors in it. Thank you.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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You are doing an excellent job writing this book. I can't tell you how much this has helped me with my writing. I am recommending this to my sister who has also begun to write. I didn't see any typos or errors in it. Thank you.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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I love your confidence in the series, LittleEmpress, and am so blushing with teenaged joy that you thought enough of it to share it with your sister. Give her my blessings on her arduous but fulfilling journey ahead, and keep a little of it for you. You are so kind. Thank you again.
Jay
Comment from BOSSY 311
This piece must have taken extreme discipline; and time. It was truly an enjoyable read. I also enjoyed reading your bio. I respect your skill- and slightly envy your genius and creativity. Thanks for being one that can write this type of work in such an interesting way.-
Bossy311
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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This piece must have taken extreme discipline; and time. It was truly an enjoyable read. I also enjoyed reading your bio. I respect your skill- and slightly envy your genius and creativity. Thanks for being one that can write this type of work in such an interesting way.-
Bossy311
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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My goodness, Bossy, you hit the nail on the head. It did take a lot of time. It was hell to write, a joy to finish. It took less discipline than out-and-out stubborness to finish. Creativity? Thanks for saying so. I have my moments in some of my work. Genius??? Would you please drop a note to my wife about that? I've been trying to convince her for forty years that THAT'S the reason we're so damned poor. The world isn't ready for my genius. Your last line will keep me going for months. Thank you, Bossy....
Jay
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello Mr. Jay! You've written about a topic that's close to my heart in Chapter Six--dialogue. It's my greatest weakness but you've given me so much ammunition to make that weakness a strength. (I just hope I don't miss and shoot myself in the foot with my new ammo lol) The very first story I wrote contained no dialogue because it scared the bejesus outa me and I didn't know a thing about writing dialogue correctly and making it interesting. I think with every story I do improve, but I thank you so much for all the help you give us writers who want to learn more--and as much as we can about this craft we love. I wait anxiously to join you for the reality crashers. Smiles...Indy :>)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Hello Mr. Jay! You've written about a topic that's close to my heart in Chapter Six--dialogue. It's my greatest weakness but you've given me so much ammunition to make that weakness a strength. (I just hope I don't miss and shoot myself in the foot with my new ammo lol) The very first story I wrote contained no dialogue because it scared the bejesus outa me and I didn't know a thing about writing dialogue correctly and making it interesting. I think with every story I do improve, but I thank you so much for all the help you give us writers who want to learn more--and as much as we can about this craft we love. I wait anxiously to join you for the reality crashers. Smiles...Indy :>)
Comment Written 20-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2007
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Indy! A sixer!!!! You have no idea how important your comments are to me. I so much enjoy your writing and your dedication to the craft. Then to hear that what I have written might actually help you to move it forward. I could cry! No, my wife's in the other room. And, I'm not a quiet crier. She probably already thinks I'm approaching senility and that my sentimentality would just proove it. God bless you, Indy!
Jay