Was I the Child You Lost?
Before my birth.68 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
Complete Synopsis-*****
Nice thoughts and Content.
Flowed well with great Theme and Imagery.
Theme as well as imagery about Ancestry.
Adjective content was excellent.
Great job here Cat.
Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Complete Synopsis-*****
Nice thoughts and Content.
Flowed well with great Theme and Imagery.
Theme as well as imagery about Ancestry.
Adjective content was excellent.
Great job here Cat.
Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Ricky, for your thorough review and complete synopsis.
Comment from Bill Schott
This Shakespearean sonnet, Was I the Child You Lost, reads so well that one forgets there is a format. The whole together -- incident, poem, asylum, and sculpture -- blend and you deliver a powerful poem that makes the reader image the fragility of the mind and body, along with the effects of a person's mental state.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This Shakespearean sonnet, Was I the Child You Lost, reads so well that one forgets there is a format. The whole together -- incident, poem, asylum, and sculpture -- blend and you deliver a powerful poem that makes the reader image the fragility of the mind and body, along with the effects of a person's mental state.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, Bill, this is the first time I used my father's sculpture and my mother's poem to inspire my own poem. I like your compliment that you focused on the content and not the format. My mother's body and mind was devastated by her earlier miscarriage. I find her anxieties echoed in this work created the year I was born. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
WOW, WHAT A POWERHOUSE! Andre, this is fabulous. I have only one suggestion, and I sincerely hope I don't offend, but that last line was not quite as splendidly smooth as it could be (and as the rest of this jewel is, IMO). A very simple change can keep this rolling off the tongue:
"O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope;
inspire(s) (the) rhymes and runes that help me cope."
Your father's sculpture is amazing too!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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WOW, WHAT A POWERHOUSE! Andre, this is fabulous. I have only one suggestion, and I sincerely hope I don't offend, but that last line was not quite as splendidly smooth as it could be (and as the rest of this jewel is, IMO). A very simple change can keep this rolling off the tongue:
"O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope;
inspire(s) (the) rhymes and runes that help me cope."
Your father's sculpture is amazing too!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dawn, for your review and for your edit! It may work to smooth out the final line.
I am glad you found this to be powerhouse poem and that you found my father's sculpture awesome.
Comment from dragonpoet
This sounds like a baby born of an abusive husband or of rape. It seems the reader has received her writing skills form her mother/ I like the metaphor of the husband as a miscarriage.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This sounds like a baby born of an abusive husband or of rape. It seems the reader has received her writing skills form her mother/ I like the metaphor of the husband as a miscarriage.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Joan, for your review. My mother's first husband walked out on her, two kids, and a baby on the way. The divorce stressed her so much that she miscarried their baby and ended up in a psych ward.
Yes, I received writing skills from my mother. I will keep writing.
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That's horrible. It's good to know where your talent comes from.
You're welcome.
Joan
Comment from beizanten
interesting and pretty dark. THe mood flow well. Well written and interesting first paragraph. Very good poem. Good ending. Keep up the good work, 5 stars for you.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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interesting and pretty dark. THe mood flow well. Well written and interesting first paragraph. Very good poem. Good ending. Keep up the good work, 5 stars for you.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you, beizanten, for your review of my interesting, dark poem. I will keep up the good work. Thanks for the encouragement.
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo of a statue of a mother with child within. Your poem rhymes all the way and has some meter. With the 2 concluding line it resembles a Sonnet. Have a nice Sunday Kat, Ine
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Excellent photo of a statue of a mother with child within. Your poem rhymes all the way and has some meter. With the 2 concluding line it resembles a Sonnet. Have a nice Sunday Kat, Ine
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, Robina, my poem is a sonnet. I am glad you appreciated its rhymes and meter. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I much appreciate it.
Comment from smileycloud
Your work is extraordinary
cadence rhyme scheme flow iambic meter I think is lovely to read
the content powerful in it's presentation as a poetic work
I am aware that this is biographical however the emotion has been professionalized and takes the reader to the places where your mother and you have travelled
well done you
have a smiley day
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Your work is extraordinary
cadence rhyme scheme flow iambic meter I think is lovely to read
the content powerful in it's presentation as a poetic work
I am aware that this is biographical however the emotion has been professionalized and takes the reader to the places where your mother and you have travelled
well done you
have a smiley day
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Smileycoud, for your generous, six star review of a double biographical poem that took the reader to places my mother and I traveled. I am glad you enjoyed the flow and cadence of my poem as well. I certainly will have a smiley day. Thanks.
Comment from Dean Kuch
While this poem exhibits an extremely despondent tone, Andre, how could anyone expect the tone to be any different given the topic it deals with?
I'm not sure if this was intended to be a sonnet, but it certainly looks, feels, and reads like one.
To lose a child at any stage of life is enough to drive some parents over the proverbial craggy cliff-face.
To secretly wish your child would die and be stillborn is a burden I wouldn't even care to comprehend.
Nicely done, my friend.
Enjoy your Sunday
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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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While this poem exhibits an extremely despondent tone, Andre, how could anyone expect the tone to be any different given the topic it deals with?
I'm not sure if this was intended to be a sonnet, but it certainly looks, feels, and reads like one.
To lose a child at any stage of life is enough to drive some parents over the proverbial craggy cliff-face.
To secretly wish your child would die and be stillborn is a burden I wouldn't even care to comprehend.
Nicely done, my friend.
Enjoy your Sunday
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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You are right, Dean, I did not intend to write a sonnet. Originally, I was going to write a Crown of Royal Sonnets, but I ran out of time. So I crafted my scraps into one sonnet whose despondent tones matched those of my father's "Woe is Me!" sculpture and my mother's poem of the same title.
Yes, the miscarriage pushed my mother to a psychiatric ward of a country hospital. She sought psychiatric therapy and took medications so that she would not be sent to the insane asylum and lose custody of her children. I applaud her strength for battling to reunite with her family and I applaud her courage for writing about her miscarriage and metal illness.
Thank you for your review.
