(Dis)solution
Please read notes65 total reviews
Comment from Akanksha Mahajan
Very nice poem. Perfect rhymes. Your poem is very thoughtful. It tells us that there is a solution for every problem.
Great Work.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Very nice poem. Perfect rhymes. Your poem is very thoughtful. It tells us that there is a solution for every problem.
Great Work.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Carrie Carson
I like this escalation to the point of weaponry, sadly some don't seem to know this chain of command.
Stanza 2, line 4, would use of "Tie on the" or "Tightly lace boxing gloves" throw off your rhythm? I ask because my usual preference would be to not use box (usually any word) twice.
Good job with this. I do travel alone at times but I'm not some kind of gun nut. :) Carrie
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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I like this escalation to the point of weaponry, sadly some don't seem to know this chain of command.
Stanza 2, line 4, would use of "Tie on the" or "Tightly lace boxing gloves" throw off your rhythm? I ask because my usual preference would be to not use box (usually any word) twice.
Good job with this. I do travel alone at times but I'm not some kind of gun nut. :) Carrie
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Carrie, for your great review and your suggestion. I've bantered about the use of "box/boxing" in the same line, but since it's a different context, I think it doesn't detract. However, I may change my mind. 'Tie on the' works, but 'tightly laced boxing gloves' isn't in meter. I appreciate the thought. I actually had "Pull out the boxing gloves" and "Unpack the boxing gloves", before settling on this. I'll let it marinate, and I deeply appreciate your attention to the detail. :) David
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Certainly, you're welcome. Someone suggested a word change to me for six word poetry and it tied for a win, so I'm learning more the value of FS where we can share thought and hopefully leave ego (mostly) behind. :) Carrie
Comment from ravenblack
Very subtle and I hope your message is not misinterpreted. Being human, we will always have disagreements, sometimes escalating to physical confrontations. Squaring off with knives- your question mark suggests that such escalation is ridiculous and, with the bite of satire, unsatisfactory as it won't settle the argument with any finality. For that, Mr. Jonathan Swift, you need a gun to kill both the message and the messenger. Have you been following some of the stand-your-ground cases? So many hair triggers...encouraged.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Very subtle and I hope your message is not misinterpreted. Being human, we will always have disagreements, sometimes escalating to physical confrontations. Squaring off with knives- your question mark suggests that such escalation is ridiculous and, with the bite of satire, unsatisfactory as it won't settle the argument with any finality. For that, Mr. Jonathan Swift, you need a gun to kill both the message and the messenger. Have you been following some of the stand-your-ground cases? So many hair triggers...encouraged.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, raven, for your sixer and your insightful review. Yes, the whole thing terrifies me, honestly, especially in an are where there is a lot of gun ownership, and worship of firearms, hence my use of 'gods'. That question mark was actually an error in the editor, which I've fixed, but maybe I should have kept it.:)
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And they are jealous and zealous gods. If you are at all interested, there is an anti-gun poem in my portfolio called Heston.
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A shot at Charleston, possibly? I'll take a look! Thanks!
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Yep.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good poem I like the usage of the different kinds of guns and how they were used in the poem very well done thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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This is a good poem I like the usage of the different kinds of guns and how they were used in the poem very well done thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thank you, dmt.
Comment from 24chas
Short and sour, but still deserves a six. YOu take them down a downward spiral to where one or both will die, as happens way too often. Congrats, M, on a great poem.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Short and sour, but still deserves a six. YOu take them down a downward spiral to where one or both will die, as happens way too often. Congrats, M, on a great poem.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Chas, for a truly great review. I appreciate it.