All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Beach Sleep"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
70 total reviews
Comment from Deniz22
Glad you woke up in time to write this sweet ode to the beach! We live a mile from Chapaquoit beach here on Cape Cod and my wife loves the beach. She would be right there with you, enjoying every minute of it. Nice work!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Glad you woke up in time to write this sweet ode to the beach! We live a mile from Chapaquoit beach here on Cape Cod and my wife loves the beach. She would be right there with you, enjoying every minute of it. Nice work!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Deniz, what a sweetie! thank you so very much for your magic '6'! I'm honored. Plenty of room on my beach my dear - just every so often I have to REMEMBER to be there!!! :) Sharyn
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
At the beach????? LOL! What a wonderful, peaceful, calm this poem delivers. The artwork is fantastic! The font and background color choice screams beautiful ocean water. A most enjoyable read. Great job!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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At the beach????? LOL! What a wonderful, peaceful, calm this poem delivers. The artwork is fantastic! The font and background color choice screams beautiful ocean water. A most enjoyable read. Great job!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx MW - yes, it was a gorgeous afternoon, complete with double rainbow but I didn't want to go too far over the top - we'll save that one for another day. :) sharyn
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Welcome. And, I'll be looking for that double rainbow. MN :)
Comment from rjuselius
this is an exquisite and exceptional piece of poetry! i really enjoyed reading it! BRAVO!
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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this is an exquisite and exceptional piece of poetry! i really enjoyed reading it! BRAVO!
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx Rebekka - so glad you enjoyed a little snooze with me!
Comment from c_lucas
Napping is a fun way of spending an afternoon at the beach. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Napping is a fun way of spending an afternoon at the beach. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx Charlie!
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You're welcome, Sharlyn. Charlie
Comment from Norbanus
This is a delightful message, visionary. A little shade...a little sand and a peacful sea-breeze will do the rest. Or at least we can dream. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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This is a delightful message, visionary. A little shade...a little sand and a peacful sea-breeze will do the rest. Or at least we can dream. Nicely done.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Believe it or not, every so often I need to REMIND myself of where I am, take a breath, and just BE here ... nice when I do though! :) Sharyn
Comment from OLA THOMAS
What a wonderful way of sorting out the nerves. This poem is done in a style suggesting total relaxation with color scheme, choice of words and presentation style too. Good soothing work.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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What a wonderful way of sorting out the nerves. This poem is done in a style suggesting total relaxation with color scheme, choice of words and presentation style too. Good soothing work.
ola thomas
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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It was a lovely afternoon Ola - sometimes we forget to look around us, take a moment, and breathe in the beauty! :)
Comment from rama devi
Delicious serenity conveyed in fine fluid free verse form with well timed random rhyming. This sounds super read aloud and makes me wish to take a nap on the beach. Sensual and tactile winds-well depicted! Delicious consonance of S-rolls off the tongue and tastes like candy.
Have a sweet rest...
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Delicious serenity conveyed in fine fluid free verse form with well timed random rhyming. This sounds super read aloud and makes me wish to take a nap on the beach. Sensual and tactile winds-well depicted! Delicious consonance of S-rolls off the tongue and tastes like candy.
Have a sweet rest...
Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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aaah there you are my dear ... yes, this afternoon I was able to relax for a couple of hours at the beach - double rainbow - and, of course, my red pencil with my script - fine tuning, as always, nearly done ... no real sleep, but I THOUGHT about it! :))))
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:-)))))
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi Vision.
I understand your style of concision. Get rid of every wasted word until we have the core words.
I'm going to share with you a tip I received when I was first published at nineteen by a famous Australian poet.
He said that after you cut your poem back to the essentials, check each noun in a thesaurus and see if there are rich words you might have forgotten to use. It is a great tip for editing poetry.
I'll demonstrate just a few lines for fun:
fervent
amber sun
chill briny breeze
It has an effect whereby you become aware of the many choices and options available to your craft. Great poets use words that have multiple effects both in connotations and musical possibilities. I share this with because I know how much you love poetry.
I did enjoy your poem but just thought a few changes could add a little more originality to it.
Offered sincerely.
Laurie Keim
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Hi Vision.
I understand your style of concision. Get rid of every wasted word until we have the core words.
I'm going to share with you a tip I received when I was first published at nineteen by a famous Australian poet.
He said that after you cut your poem back to the essentials, check each noun in a thesaurus and see if there are rich words you might have forgotten to use. It is a great tip for editing poetry.
I'll demonstrate just a few lines for fun:
fervent
amber sun
chill briny breeze
It has an effect whereby you become aware of the many choices and options available to your craft. Great poets use words that have multiple effects both in connotations and musical possibilities. I share this with because I know how much you love poetry.
I did enjoy your poem but just thought a few changes could add a little more originality to it.
Offered sincerely.
Laurie Keim
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx so much Laurie! I actually changed some of my original words for others - but sometimes, too, you need to push back towards simplicity ... but I'll certainly go back and have another play! :)
Comment from kiwisteveh
OK you don't need to rub it in (unless it's sunscreen lotion!)
Lots of sensory images and alliteration (especially S sounds with their gentle ripple effect) make this a sweet and easy read.
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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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OK you don't need to rub it in (unless it's sunscreen lotion!)
Lots of sensory images and alliteration (especially S sounds with their gentle ripple effect) make this a sweet and easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx dear - had an easy afternoon on the beach, even some rainbows ... sometimes, it's just good not to think ... just to be ... yes?
Comment from l.raven
Jogging???? LOL No it's not hard to sleep on the beach. Did it many times as a teenager Sharyn. This is great and of course I love the picture. well done!! Now I am going to hit the bed.LOL I'll dream it's the beach. LOL Linda xxoo
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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Jogging???? LOL No it's not hard to sleep on the beach. Did it many times as a teenager Sharyn. This is great and of course I love the picture. well done!! Now I am going to hit the bed.LOL I'll dream it's the beach. LOL Linda xxoo
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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I'll think about jogging ... tomorrow ... :) sweet dreams Linda!