A Book of ... Free Verse (Vol.1)
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "My Breakfast ..."Metre ... Freeverse
73 total reviews
Comment from little.lovely.poem
I bet you have two more eggs...between your legs :) just kidding...
your poem gives me a warm sweet smile with the message as you said humor... that's why I give you same humor review...
very good flow.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
  |
I bet you have two more eggs...between your legs :) just kidding...
your poem gives me a warm sweet smile with the message as you said humor... that's why I give you same humor review...
very good flow.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Probably in my brain knowing me...much appreciated.
Comment from patsolstad
First of all, I give you credit for trying. These types of poems are very difficult. My suggestions would be to use some adjectives--for example, a scrambled egg, green tea, burned toast. And for the second verse, you could then say something like, ".......another egg. Maybe this one will be perfect, with a soft, oozy yolk." The way this is written now, it's merely a report. Keep reading others' free verse poems. That will help you a lot, I'm sure. I hope this review helps, too. That's what we're here for, I believe, to help one another. Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
 |
First of all, I give you credit for trying. These types of poems are very difficult. My suggestions would be to use some adjectives--for example, a scrambled egg, green tea, burned toast. And for the second verse, you could then say something like, ".......another egg. Maybe this one will be perfect, with a soft, oozy yolk." The way this is written now, it's merely a report. Keep reading others' free verse poems. That will help you a lot, I'm sure. I hope this review helps, too. That's what we're here for, I believe, to help one another. Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
mmmm....
Comment from spellbound
An egg-fresh too
This line is a bit bothersome:
then some more toast.--only because until now, I didn't even know you had eaten toast.
I love the shape of your poem-an egg!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
An egg-fresh too
This line is a bit bothersome:
then some more toast.--only because until now, I didn't even know you had eaten toast.
I love the shape of your poem-an egg!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Excellent...I think...
Comment from rivki1111
Hello, nice picture you have posted with this poem. I notice it is for the competition, so best of luck. 'Please judge wisely as it is my first attempt'. What does that mean? I can only go on the quality of this particular poem, not on whether or not it is your first attempt, lol (^_^)
That aside, first, second, or your fiftieth attempt, I find this poem inane. "Testing testing, speak into the microphone, Jim." A piece of toast. "No, no, you have to say more than that, we're testing." Two pieces of toast. hehehehe That's what it made me feel. hehehehe
Best of luck in the competition, cheers, Rebekah.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
Hello, nice picture you have posted with this poem. I notice it is for the competition, so best of luck. 'Please judge wisely as it is my first attempt'. What does that mean? I can only go on the quality of this particular poem, not on whether or not it is your first attempt, lol (^_^)
That aside, first, second, or your fiftieth attempt, I find this poem inane. "Testing testing, speak into the microphone, Jim." A piece of toast. "No, no, you have to say more than that, we're testing." Two pieces of toast. hehehehe That's what it made me feel. hehehehe
Best of luck in the competition, cheers, Rebekah.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Well Rebekah...it`s` about my breakfast thoughts and it`s not for a competition but my fist attempt at free form and I thought it was rather good...which is what you`v`e given me and thats about it,
Thanks much...
-
I was being generous with the four, :)
-
I really dont see why you thought that it was being generous at all as as far as I can make out it is what it`s supposed to be without any corrections...and deserves a five...or is that just my opinion.
-
just your opinion
-
no worries...
Comment from RADIO
I really like the free flow of thought
and the freedom of your actions to do
as one will. I'll have another egg with
you. Enjoyed your poem dear poet.
Radio
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
I really like the free flow of thought
and the freedom of your actions to do
as one will. I'll have another egg with
you. Enjoyed your poem dear poet.
Radio
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Excellent...many thanks.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Maybe I just don't get it. Is this supposed to be like Seinfeld-a poem about nothing? Please keep writing, but maybe with a bit more substance next time~Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
Maybe I just don't get it. Is this supposed to be like Seinfeld-a poem about nothing? Please keep writing, but maybe with a bit more substance next time~Debbie
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Debbie the title suggests something...it`s about...guess what...my breakfast !
It do`nt need anymore susbstance as that is all I eat, sometimes.
Many thanks...
Comment from J. P. Egry
Hey! First attempt! Excellent! Emphasis is always made when discussing free verse, that it doesn't mean there should be no form to it. And you have a great form--looks well on the page, easy to read and comprehend. The beauty of free verse is that you can make it into whatever form inspires you. Here I like the way you came full circle from beginning to end, just like in a good short story--egg to egg. It gives a feeling of completion--even in a very short poem. You've even incorporated subtle humor. This poem is very nice and it appeals to me very much.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
Hey! First attempt! Excellent! Emphasis is always made when discussing free verse, that it doesn't mean there should be no form to it. And you have a great form--looks well on the page, easy to read and comprehend. The beauty of free verse is that you can make it into whatever form inspires you. Here I like the way you came full circle from beginning to end, just like in a good short story--egg to egg. It gives a feeling of completion--even in a very short poem. You've even incorporated subtle humor. This poem is very nice and it appeals to me very much.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Excellent...I`d say you were a bit of an egghead on free verse and Im glad you enjoyed it...pardon the pun.
-
I love the pun! Puns are fun, son-of-gun!
-
Excellent...many thanks...
Comment from Cheryl In Minnesota
What a cool photo! So unique and sharp. Captured my attention right away, along with the nice blue color. I like the concept of taking a simple topic, such as breakfast and examining it from the standpoint of a poem. There is a sense of freedom in the speaker's voice... I'll do whatever I want about my breakfast, and that provides a relaxed feeling that I enjoyed while reading this poem.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
What a cool photo! So unique and sharp. Captured my attention right away, along with the nice blue color. I like the concept of taking a simple topic, such as breakfast and examining it from the standpoint of a poem. There is a sense of freedom in the speaker's voice... I'll do whatever I want about my breakfast, and that provides a relaxed feeling that I enjoyed while reading this poem.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Top notch review...liberate breakfast eaters everywhere...lets have a party!
-
Breakfast any time of day - hooray!
-
Thank you...
Comment from nadine jordane
bicpen u make me want to have breakfast. u are a writer in the making all u need do is concentrate and don't mind if u don't get it at the first try. write and keep and come back there next time and see how u will develop the piece
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
bicpen u make me want to have breakfast. u are a writer in the making all u need do is concentrate and don't mind if u don't get it at the first try. write and keep and come back there next time and see how u will develop the piece
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
I did`nt intend to develop it much other than some helpful hints as to enhance what is already there.
Many thanks.
Comment from justjo66
Nice picture to go with your free verse poem. I don't know it you meant your poem to be tongue in cheek but this
is how I took it. It's kind of amusing and your title
fits because it is about your breakfast. :o)
I would make a suggestion and it is just my opionion but I think I would break up the following line and make the "I sometimes have" the second line. I think this would put more emphasis on the rest of the stanza.
When I feel like it I sometimes
have
It would look like:
When I feel like it
I sometimes have
another
egg.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
|
Nice picture to go with your free verse poem. I don't know it you meant your poem to be tongue in cheek but this
is how I took it. It's kind of amusing and your title
fits because it is about your breakfast. :o)
I would make a suggestion and it is just my opionion but I think I would break up the following line and make the "I sometimes have" the second line. I think this would put more emphasis on the rest of the stanza.
When I feel like it I sometimes
have
It would look like:
When I feel like it
I sometimes have
another
egg.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
-
Quality, cheers justjo66.
