The Culling of the Meek
A mirrored pair of sonnets64 total reviews
Comment from Judian James
Well, I recognize the first one ... BRAVO, and you already know my favorite lines. This is outstanding Mike, as always, a very smart piece of writing. I don't quite understand the set of two couplets in the second piece.
Is that your take, or is that part of "mirrored sonnets"
I'm learning something new and I like it!! OH, I just went back for another looksee. It's a spacing thing. You didn't end with two couplets ab ab but a final verse that has an unwanted space between lines two and three!!
EXCELLENT my friend. "when up was down and flames turned into ice." One of those lines I wish I had thought of!!
(I wish I had a sixer for you ... I don't know when I will have them again!) Good luck in the contest! From the title to the final word, superb.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
  |
Well, I recognize the first one ... BRAVO, and you already know my favorite lines. This is outstanding Mike, as always, a very smart piece of writing. I don't quite understand the set of two couplets in the second piece.
Is that your take, or is that part of "mirrored sonnets"
I'm learning something new and I like it!! OH, I just went back for another looksee. It's a spacing thing. You didn't end with two couplets ab ab but a final verse that has an unwanted space between lines two and three!!
EXCELLENT my friend. "when up was down and flames turned into ice." One of those lines I wish I had thought of!!
(I wish I had a sixer for you ... I don't know when I will have them again!) Good luck in the contest! From the title to the final word, superb.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
-
Woo! To answer your question, yes, I love your review :-). I knew I wanted to use the sonnet I wrote for your poem, but I also felt it needed something extra to give it some setting. Since I forgot to put my last poem in the story contest, I decided to adapt it :-)
Mike
Comment from The Stranger
I most certainly did enjoy reading this "double helping", you made some very important points over the way we allow the world to be run by the corrupt politicians
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
|
I most certainly did enjoy reading this "double helping", you made some very important points over the way we allow the world to be run by the corrupt politicians
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
-
Thank you, Stranger - you saw into the heart of my piece :-)
Mike
Comment from rama devi
As ever our writing is high caliber in terms of both content and craftsmanship.
Excellent meter, rhyming, internal rhyming and other poetic devices aptly applied.
One suggestion here-
In loving arms, the seeds would spawn the grass
to lawn the world and cloak the world anew
using WORLD twice in one line weakens it. maybe us globe in one instance For example;
In loving arms, the seeds would spawn the grass
to lawn the globe and cloak the world anew
Awesome consonance of L here-
with viewpoints spawned in legacy's lament
of life and all its pain as balance nears.
POWERFUL LINES-
We are the last pariahs of the day,
emancipating empathy, dismay,
*
and all the varied portions of the soul
those debonaire world leaders would deny.
(US spelling has debonair no 'e')
Unique and memorable phrase-
and revolution's mothers of insight.
Awesome ironic couplet-
And so it came to pass - that fateful dawn
when up was down and flames turned into ice.
A very potent losing couplet-
Irrelevant intentions learned to mourn
the culling of the meek's eternal price.
Best wishes in the contest. A strong entry!
Kudos.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
|
As ever our writing is high caliber in terms of both content and craftsmanship.
Excellent meter, rhyming, internal rhyming and other poetic devices aptly applied.
One suggestion here-
In loving arms, the seeds would spawn the grass
to lawn the world and cloak the world anew
using WORLD twice in one line weakens it. maybe us globe in one instance For example;
In loving arms, the seeds would spawn the grass
to lawn the globe and cloak the world anew
Awesome consonance of L here-
with viewpoints spawned in legacy's lament
of life and all its pain as balance nears.
POWERFUL LINES-
We are the last pariahs of the day,
emancipating empathy, dismay,
*
and all the varied portions of the soul
those debonaire world leaders would deny.
(US spelling has debonair no 'e')
Unique and memorable phrase-
and revolution's mothers of insight.
Awesome ironic couplet-
And so it came to pass - that fateful dawn
when up was down and flames turned into ice.
A very potent losing couplet-
Irrelevant intentions learned to mourn
the culling of the meek's eternal price.
Best wishes in the contest. A strong entry!
Kudos.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
-
I meant to change that first 'world' after I put in the second one (the first half started off as a review poem for Jude, and read slightly differently) - thanks for pointing out my forgetfulness!
Thanks so much, rd :-). I had to get something into the story contest, and I wanted to use this response piece for something, so the two married up nicely.
Mike
-
:-)
Comment from amahra
Beautiful artwork; full of colorful prints. I loved the writing and felt it was well crafted and thought out. Loved the dark background colors and font colors which I felt enhanced the style of the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
|
Beautiful artwork; full of colorful prints. I loved the writing and felt it was well crafted and thought out. Loved the dark background colors and font colors which I felt enhanced the style of the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
-
Thank you :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike