Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Chapter 10; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
64 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
I'm glad you posted this chapter now. I enjoyed reading about the still developing relationship between Steven and Leya, and I found only two almost insignificant nits:
"The thought of Leya in any swimsuit was [is] bothersome." Since this sentence gives Steven's internal thoughts (it is italicized), it should be present tense.
"When he adjusted his hand to get a better hold of hers, she stared at their clasp [clasped] hands."
Dave
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
  |
Barbara,
I'm glad you posted this chapter now. I enjoyed reading about the still developing relationship between Steven and Leya, and I found only two almost insignificant nits:
"The thought of Leya in any swimsuit was [is] bothersome." Since this sentence gives Steven's internal thoughts (it is italicized), it should be present tense.
"When he adjusted his hand to get a better hold of hers, she stared at their clasp [clasped] hands."
Dave
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
-
I corrected those errors, thank you for catching them. I appreciate your help and support.
Comment from Belinda
The man-woman attraction between Steven-Leya seems to grow stronger each day. I understand very well your last paragraph. You describe it very effectively!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
|
The man-woman attraction between Steven-Leya seems to grow stronger each day. I understand very well your last paragraph. You describe it very effectively!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Wow, another great one from you. Steven and leya appear to be made for each other and the expression and dialogues are also very well executed.
Just one suggestion, the romance was not explicit as I would like it to be.
Overall, awesome
K
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
|
Wow, another great one from you. Steven and leya appear to be made for each other and the expression and dialogues are also very well executed.
Just one suggestion, the romance was not explicit as I would like it to be.
Overall, awesome
K
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
-
The explict romance is on it's way, please be patient. I want to make sure they are committed to each other first. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
How can you stand it...writing and prolonging their love...I'm going crazy screaming at the computer screen..kiss her...As always, it's an enjoyable chapter...filled with underlying emotions...the kitty was a great touch!
Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
|
Barbara,
How can you stand it...writing and prolonging their love...I'm going crazy screaming at the computer screen..kiss her...As always, it's an enjoyable chapter...filled with underlying emotions...the kitty was a great touch!
Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.