Comment from Lois Delaney

Excellent

Enjoyed reading this Jay! You pointed out things that are problem areas for me but I think I'm slowly coming thru those areas.

It's all in the matter of practice, practice, practice,

You have come a long way. I remember joining in September and reading your work. My how you have grown as a writer. Congratulations and best wishes!

I hope you get this series published. Well done!!!!!!!!

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you for your kindness, Housemaid. I can't consider a chapter completed until I get Housemaid's take on it. I appreciate it.

Jay

Comment from lillyrose

Excellent

VERY GOOD JOB TO WRITE SUCH AN EFFICIENT WORK HERE!!

REALLY INFIRMATIVE AND SAYING A LOT OF VALUABLE THINGS

I GOTTA BOOKCASE THIS AND READ EVERYTIME TO ABSORB WITH MY MIND

EVERYTHING CLEARLY AND EXPRESSIVELY WRITTEN

EXAMPLES ARE SUPER!!

I COULDNT FIND ANY ERROR

THANK YOU!!

~~LR

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your kind crit. It is very much appreciated.

Comment from suneagle

Excellent

This was good, Jay. I enjoyed the way you presented the topic in a friendly conversational manner. Your examples were clear and easy to follow. It's all important stuff for aspiring writers and looking at it from the "critter" point of view is helpful to us all. Well done.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007

Thank you so much, suneagle. I am really pleased to receive such high praise from one so respected by other FanStorians for your critting work. Come back often, my friend.

Jay

Comment from Majestic

Excellent

Thanks for writting this. I think you wrote it just for me. At least thats how I felt while reading it. Thanks again. Beth

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007

You are too kind, Beth. In reading other crits of this I find that to be a common theme. It is so rewarding to find people taking so much out of this chapter. Please stay aboard.

Jay

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Jay. Long time no respond..LOL...Sorry about this.. just read this piece and you are passing along some great tips . I don't personally have too many problems, but I am always anxious to learn...you must have read the same books I have...We were only born three months apart, perhaps we get credit for that and experience...Ya think? LOL..Thanks and this was an enjoyable read,. hope to continue following you now...By the way...there have been quite a few chapters with Cleve and Shelly since I last heard from you..LOL...Good job....Bob

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007

Howdy, Bob.... You've heard of the tail wagging the dog. That's what this series has been lately. Between chapters, I've critted like crazy just to make enough to promote the hell out of this. Now I've got 11 more crits to answer. Then back to the critting work to make more bucks for the next chapter that I don't seem to have time to write with all the reading. I am so yearning to write some fiction. I'm thinking of putting the series on hiatus for a couple of months.

Jay

reply by Mastery on 18-Feb-2007

Yes, I can tell you are a giver, Jay...Take a break. I enjoy your nwriting in any event, but you've got to gowhere your heart leads you. Bob

Comment from Veronica Grace

Excellent

I find you know your stuff and are a great critter, I'm sure. I appreciate your bits of humor in the chapter, but it can be distracting. I find the information most helpful, being new to the craft. Nothing to change.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you for your frank crit, Veronica. I appreciate your take on the chapter. Hope to have you around for the remaining chapters.

Jay

Comment from Plaid

Excellent

Another great writing addition from the Critter, and another valuable tool for my ailing work.

I thought the examples were great, since you can see the difference between the different "don'ts". I think it would have been nice to include one more section on the "right" way to do it.

Great job, and thanks for sharing!

Cheers,

Plaid

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

That's a very good point, Plaid. It might have been good to have an example of the correct way to write a particular paragraph. I'll try to keep that in mind for future chapters. Stay tuned.

Jay

Comment from Cairn Destop

Excellent

Okay, I agree the first example sucks sewer water big time. As to the third one, it is too disconnected from the other and in a sterile environment. My preference is the second in many cases for the reason given, it heightens the tension. Having everyone know what is in the character's head and then watching the other cast of characters trying to get over that hurdle can frustrate your readers as they await the resolution. If I were a romance writer, the things your dialogue suggested. My last book used a one-sided bit of dialogue that got me deluged in PM's for just that reason one fact revealed that became central to the story. Dialogue has to be tight, I agree, but sometimes the facts not revealed or those hinted can be far more enticing.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you Cairn for your close read and -- what I'm growing accustomed to -- your incisive commentary. As I tried to point out, the first two are very important ingredients to good writing when used properly. And, yes, the second method can be quite effective if it is not used as a devise to merely convey to the reader what action and dialogue could do more dramatically. And, your statement: "but sometimes the facts not revealed or those hinted can be far more enticing," I would have to say "Amen, brother!" to. In fact, the subject of a coming chapter will be the importance of "teasing" and "hinting at" with the reader. Thanks Cairn for your insights.

Jay

Comment from balance67

Excellent

Hello, jaysquires.

I've read the latest chapter of your writing guide. I found the balance well-informed and interesting, in terms of transitioning between narrative and dialogue to equal out potent blurbs of information the reader can digest without feeling stupid or forced.

The examples are clearly marked, and your bold additions make for easy access to understand the workings of a writer. As a writer, it's good to know when not to sound obvious, and when to add depth when necessary. I appreciate you laying this down on the table.

I spotted something minor here:

I know this because I have been frantically working my brain knuckles to the skull bone for at least that long... - You need to close the big space between I and know...like 'I know', instead of 'I know'.

Excellent work! I look forward to reading the next installment.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you so much, balance67, for your insightful commentary. And I appreciate your pointing out the spacing thing. I am going to copy and paste all the suggestions made by all the critters and, after the answers to all the crits are given I shall go in and start the process. I really do appreciate the fact that you obvious read this chapter very closely. I hope you will continue on with the remaining chapters. I need critters like you.

Jay

Comment from In Memoriam

Excellent

I keep picturing large teeth every time I read the word critter in your chapters. I've missed a couple of chapters since the last of your pearls of wisdown sound familiar. I like this installment. Your examples are superb.

"But she pledges to stay faithful to Marcos, who secured a management position at the local Taco Bell." --- that one wins the line of the day honors piece though. Tehehehe.

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2007

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007

Thank you, Julia, for your wit and charm -- and of course for the kindness of your remarks. I always like hearing from you. Please stay aboard for future installments. You are appreciated.

Jay