How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Macro-Critting (The Wrap)"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
91 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Brogan
Charleston South Carolina...Charleston[,] South Carolina
Interesting as hell. I noticed a few things SPAG throughout. More subjective than anything else. Well done, Jay! :-) Alex
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Charleston South Carolina...Charleston[,] South Carolina
Interesting as hell. I noticed a few things SPAG throughout. More subjective than anything else. Well done, Jay! :-) Alex
Comment Written 04-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Alex, thank you so much for your eagle eye. No one of the 30 people who read this caught the needed comma after Charleston. I appreciate your close read. I hope to have you around for the remaining segments.
Jay
Comment from cutie
very good writing !! also very successful and well-arranged
your sentences skillfully used and result is highly amazing!!!
many thanks to write!! cheers!! kisses!!
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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very good writing !! also very successful and well-arranged
your sentences skillfully used and result is highly amazing!!!
many thanks to write!! cheers!! kisses!!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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I always look so foreward to your crits, Charmy Chuckle. You are appreciated. I hope you plan on coming back through the whole series. I've reserved a seat for you. Don't let me down...
Jay
Comment from MiguelY
This was a fun romp, and the first of these pieces that I've read. I like the humor you've injected into this, though at times you stray far enough away from the main subject to almost lose the reader!
First of all, you definitely make some good points, however I disagree with you on the "oatmeal" vs. "dialog" way of deciding what is worth reading. At the beginning you mentioned nobel-prizewinning aspirations. Go and read the literature that has won. For example, right now I'm reading the Nobel prize-winning "A House for Mr. Biswas" by V.S. Naipaul. The writing is outstanding. There is certainly dialog, but the greatness of this book is in the descriptive sections.
Perhaps I'm treading on your micro-critting section, but my opinion is that the greatness of writing is measured in the emotional response it brings in readers' hearts. It could be anguish, hate, horror, love, sympathy or whatever, but this is what distinguishes even good writing from mediocre.
Your writing generally flows well, but I had a few technical comments.
"I don't have a clue what the third reading was all about - only that there was one." This sentence has a weak structure, particularly after the dash. Using "one" as a pronoun at the end of a sentence doesn't help the reader's flow. A more direct approach would be something like: "Beyond recalling that he mentioned a third reading, I don't have a clue what the final pass was all about."
"I've developed through the years a previewing posture..." Again, it would help the reader to have a straightforward sentence structure. Rather than having a somewhat parenthetical "through the years", I would put that at the beginning of the sentence: "Through the years I've developed a previewing posture..." I noticed this because it's a mistake I'm guilty of in my own writing.
"There are no breaks - is no "air," between the lines." I think you're missing a word, "there" after the dash.
"...because the following subjects we would already have encountered." This paragraph is hard to read because you put the subjects (font size etc.) at the end of the paragraph. Put them at the beginning and you'll delight me as a reader. I won't have to go on an exploring expedition to find out what you're talking about.
All in all, very much enjoyed. Looking forward to your micro-crits.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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This was a fun romp, and the first of these pieces that I've read. I like the humor you've injected into this, though at times you stray far enough away from the main subject to almost lose the reader!
First of all, you definitely make some good points, however I disagree with you on the "oatmeal" vs. "dialog" way of deciding what is worth reading. At the beginning you mentioned nobel-prizewinning aspirations. Go and read the literature that has won. For example, right now I'm reading the Nobel prize-winning "A House for Mr. Biswas" by V.S. Naipaul. The writing is outstanding. There is certainly dialog, but the greatness of this book is in the descriptive sections.
Perhaps I'm treading on your micro-critting section, but my opinion is that the greatness of writing is measured in the emotional response it brings in readers' hearts. It could be anguish, hate, horror, love, sympathy or whatever, but this is what distinguishes even good writing from mediocre.
Your writing generally flows well, but I had a few technical comments.
"I don't have a clue what the third reading was all about - only that there was one." This sentence has a weak structure, particularly after the dash. Using "one" as a pronoun at the end of a sentence doesn't help the reader's flow. A more direct approach would be something like: "Beyond recalling that he mentioned a third reading, I don't have a clue what the final pass was all about."
"I've developed through the years a previewing posture..." Again, it would help the reader to have a straightforward sentence structure. Rather than having a somewhat parenthetical "through the years", I would put that at the beginning of the sentence: "Through the years I've developed a previewing posture..." I noticed this because it's a mistake I'm guilty of in my own writing.
"There are no breaks - is no "air," between the lines." I think you're missing a word, "there" after the dash.
"...because the following subjects we would already have encountered." This paragraph is hard to read because you put the subjects (font size etc.) at the end of the paragraph. Put them at the beginning and you'll delight me as a reader. I won't have to go on an exploring expedition to find out what you're talking about.
All in all, very much enjoyed. Looking forward to your micro-crits.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Thank you so much, Miguel, for your thoughtful and insightful crit. It is obvious you have some formal training in the English language. You back up your statements with facts and with examples. It is all quite helpful. Please do jump aboard. I'm a slow writer, so I can't tell you when the next segment will arrive, but I welcome your astute observations.
Jay
Comment from JoAnna Lee
I truly enjoy how you can be informative and funny at the same time.
Oh the font games... argh... and you failed to mention colors!
No APAG noted...
I look forward to your next installment.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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I truly enjoy how you can be informative and funny at the same time.
Oh the font games... argh... and you failed to mention colors!
No APAG noted...
I look forward to your next installment.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Donna, thank you so much for your fine, kind comments. Yes, I did fail to mention colors. And I thought I had hit all of them. Welcome aboard. It should be fun next time.
Comment from Ritsal
With the gratuitous use of sexual content in this essay, shouldn't it be categorized as Adult? :D
This is a great read from top to bottom and gives a lot of food for thought <-----ignore the cliche. :)
I also have run into stories set in large type or other fancy fonts. I also recognized the 10 pt. work.
There are a lot of gold nuggets of information embedded in this write, now we only need to go mining and strike it rich. LOL
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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With the gratuitous use of sexual content in this essay, shouldn't it be categorized as Adult? :D
This is a great read from top to bottom and gives a lot of food for thought <-----ignore the cliche. :)
I also have run into stories set in large type or other fancy fonts. I also recognized the 10 pt. work.
There are a lot of gold nuggets of information embedded in this write, now we only need to go mining and strike it rich. LOL
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Thank you (wow! a 6 star) so much! It took my breath away. Welcome aboard! Come back often. I really do appreciate your confidence in what I'm doing.
Jay
Comment from Tweedypie
jaysquires, I enjoyed reading on how the Critter Crits. It just could be helpful to some. After spending all those years reading those books over and over, you should know. LOL. I'm anxious the read the next one. I didn't notice anything that I didn't like.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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jaysquires, I enjoyed reading on how the Critter Crits. It just could be helpful to some. After spending all those years reading those books over and over, you should know. LOL. I'm anxious the read the next one. I didn't notice anything that I didn't like.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Tweedypie, it's always good to hear from you -- from such a good friend, here on FS. I appreciate your confidence in my message. There'll be a lot more coming, so climb aboard.
Jay
Comment from Granny Sandy
Jay, thanks for another enjoyably useful lesson. If permissible, I'd like to print all these chapters to be kept with my 'paid for' online workshop material for future reference. Your lessons are not just about critting....good writing advise here, too.
After reading the first page of your reader's crits, I see only one SPAG that wasn't mentioned = down between (a) scene breaks.
and one line that didn't read easily for me = goofiest smile on my face that crazed joy could produce. Maybe revise to = goofiest smile that crazed joy could produce pasted on my face.
I'm remembering advise in your earlier chapters and giving just four stars but will happily give it the five it deserves if you'll let me know that it truly is 'Ready for Submission'.
Thanks for sharing your immense talent and wonderful humor.
Sandy
Jay, Found one more place you need a comma = Charleston, South Carolina.
Yes, that reads much easier for me now. Thanks
Sandy
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Jay, thanks for another enjoyably useful lesson. If permissible, I'd like to print all these chapters to be kept with my 'paid for' online workshop material for future reference. Your lessons are not just about critting....good writing advise here, too.
After reading the first page of your reader's crits, I see only one SPAG that wasn't mentioned = down between (a) scene breaks.
and one line that didn't read easily for me = goofiest smile on my face that crazed joy could produce. Maybe revise to = goofiest smile that crazed joy could produce pasted on my face.
I'm remembering advise in your earlier chapters and giving just four stars but will happily give it the five it deserves if you'll let me know that it truly is 'Ready for Submission'.
Thanks for sharing your immense talent and wonderful humor.
Sandy
Jay, Found one more place you need a comma = Charleston, South Carolina.
Yes, that reads much easier for me now. Thanks
Sandy
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Sandy thanks for the heads up. I pasted your suggestions to word so I can have a look at them along with other's suggestions. The one about a goofy grin: I tried your way, mine and a couple of others before submitting it. I'll look at it again with fresh eyes. Thank you for your kindness.
Jay
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Jay, You'll let me know when it's ready for a reread??
Also, are you okay with my printing your work for future reference??
Thanks
Sandy
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Absolutely on the reprint thing. You do know you can go to my profile, and portfolio, then for "How This Critter Crits" you can print chapter or print book. Thanks for the courtesy of the request, but I think it's considered public domain.
I'm going to do some editing this evening and I'll let you know what I changed.
Jay
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Thank you kind sir.
Sandy
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BTW, I made the changes (sorta) with the goofy grin. Check it out and see if it sings for you.
Jay
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on my way
Sandy
Comment from tecate
I should be paying you. At first I kept waiting for the hidden joke. Where in hell is it? Finally I had to scroll back up and start over...you were serious. Oh, well...skim and scam again. Nope, not this time. Real honest to God, pointers, all of which I'm in dire need of. What more to say except you have been promoted (or Demoted, depending on how you look at it) to my bookcase. Not to sit and gather dust, but to be hauled out for every other word I write. Well, not quite, but often. Thank you so much for this information. I must confess, and no hard feelings, please. I thought about six stars, but what if later I found out it really was a piece on humor. How red my face would be. Tecate
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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I should be paying you. At first I kept waiting for the hidden joke. Where in hell is it? Finally I had to scroll back up and start over...you were serious. Oh, well...skim and scam again. Nope, not this time. Real honest to God, pointers, all of which I'm in dire need of. What more to say except you have been promoted (or Demoted, depending on how you look at it) to my bookcase. Not to sit and gather dust, but to be hauled out for every other word I write. Well, not quite, but often. Thank you so much for this information. I must confess, and no hard feelings, please. I thought about six stars, but what if later I found out it really was a piece on humor. How red my face would be. Tecate
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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You just go right back and change it, Tecate. It's not humor. Just kidding! About changing it, I mean. I love humor, and use it always and everywhere. It makes me laugh. And I like laughing. You are so very very kind in your words. And articulate in your statement of them. Thank you so much.
Jay
Comment from H. Rebecca
Well, to be quite honest this is much better than the last chapter I read. The metaphors carried it. And, most of it rang true. But, after reading the first part, I did cut and paste the rest into a reading program so that I could hear it. I tend to do that with a longer pieces that I really want to read.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Well, to be quite honest this is much better than the last chapter I read. The metaphors carried it. And, most of it rang true. But, after reading the first part, I did cut and paste the rest into a reading program so that I could hear it. I tend to do that with a longer pieces that I really want to read.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Such wonderful things you say, H. Rebecca, and high praise to have it enter the realm of the spoken word. Thank you so very much!
Jay
Comment from Wendyanne
This is an interesting and enlightening article Jay and your sense of humour shines throughout it. You manage to put your points across in an easy to understand manner and I like that. I have learned a lot from reading this.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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This is an interesting and enlightening article Jay and your sense of humour shines throughout it. You manage to put your points across in an easy to understand manner and I like that. I have learned a lot from reading this.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2006
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Thank you Wendyanne for your kind remarks. It means a lot to me. I hope you climb aboard and ride through the rest of the chapters.
Jay