Chip's Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Timeless"FanStory Collection
66 total reviews
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Timeless", is short succinct and very much to the point. Between each word the golden threads of truth are woven, To me, this is a six, but unfortunately I only have fives left. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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"Timeless", is short succinct and very much to the point. Between each word the golden threads of truth are woven, To me, this is a six, but unfortunately I only have fives left. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thank you, Duchess!
Chip Kuzborski, you're more than welcome!
Comment from James W. Reynolds
This poem is a creative re-telling of a timeless plea. I like the combination of "sands of time" with building castles (presumably of sand), which is a compelling metaphor for impermanence. Nice work.
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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This poem is a creative re-telling of a timeless plea. I like the combination of "sands of time" with building castles (presumably of sand), which is a compelling metaphor for impermanence. Nice work.
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thanks, James.
Comment from patcelaw
It seems the older we get that the sands of time flow more quickly through the hour glass. Many blessings for a good evening. Patricia
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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It seems the older we get that the sands of time flow more quickly through the hour glass. Many blessings for a good evening. Patricia
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thanks, Patricia.
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a superb write in its succinct rhyming plea, to which many of us can easily relate, in both verse and image and fully compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest, despite my own entry...
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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In my opinion, a superb write in its succinct rhyming plea, to which many of us can easily relate, in both verse and image and fully compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest, despite my own entry...
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thank you, Eve.
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You're welcome, Chip...Eve
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made effective use of all your syllables in this well-written piece that could mean different things to different people, but we ALL know
that time is that magic power we want more of!
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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You have made effective use of all your syllables in this well-written piece that could mean different things to different people, but we ALL know
that time is that magic power we want more of!
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thanks, Janice.
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Thanks, Janice.
Comment from TPAC
I do feel this thought, breaking back perhaps a moment, given advantage holding prior awareness, finding this write a thought-provoking read. All stated in my opinion.
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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I do feel this thought, breaking back perhaps a moment, given advantage holding prior awareness, finding this write a thought-provoking read. All stated in my opinion.
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thanks, TPAC.
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Thanks, TPAC.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very welol-written 5-7-5 poem ab0ut the sand castles we are building that only last for a short while looking beautiful until the wind starts to blow and the waters come to wash it all away.
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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A very welol-written 5-7-5 poem ab0ut the sand castles we are building that only last for a short while looking beautiful until the wind starts to blow and the waters come to wash it all away.
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thanks, Sandra.
Comment from Ogden
Excellent idea, illustration and execution, Chip. In only seventeen syllables, you've provided a lot to mull over.
I've mulled, and, uh-oh, here's a point to consider. Although it seems fine when read quickly, as most reviewers do, I was surprised to find the poem's wording to be problematical. The work comprises two distinct issues - the passage of time, and building sand castles. "Sands of time," of course, is a metaphor, not actual sand; The castles you build may be briefly "yours," but Time cannot possibly slow down and become yours,("briefly make you mine") providing more of itself, as long as the castles will survive.
Saying "briefly make 'it' mine" would only address the second issue. It's unlikely both could be addressed in a 5-7-5. Chip, I didn't intend this critique to become an essay; I'm sorry my comments aren't helpful, but I believe it's likely that reviewers will read the piece with the interpretation you intended. I hope they do, and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Don
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Excellent idea, illustration and execution, Chip. In only seventeen syllables, you've provided a lot to mull over.
I've mulled, and, uh-oh, here's a point to consider. Although it seems fine when read quickly, as most reviewers do, I was surprised to find the poem's wording to be problematical. The work comprises two distinct issues - the passage of time, and building sand castles. "Sands of time," of course, is a metaphor, not actual sand; The castles you build may be briefly "yours," but Time cannot possibly slow down and become yours,("briefly make you mine") providing more of itself, as long as the castles will survive.
Saying "briefly make 'it' mine" would only address the second issue. It's unlikely both could be addressed in a 5-7-5. Chip, I didn't intend this critique to become an essay; I'm sorry my comments aren't helpful, but I believe it's likely that reviewers will read the piece with the interpretation you intended. I hope they do, and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Don
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Hi Bill, thanks for weighing in! I think we've all had experiences when time either seems to pass too quickly or feels like it stands still. Getting lost in joy- in this case, building sand castles- can make time seem irrelevant, even if for just a short time. I consider those moments of oblivion to its passing a victory for livingbeing in the moment, even if we 'literally' cannot slow down time.
Comment from Debra White
Hi Chip :)
I really like your 5-7-5.
Wouldn't it be nice if time did slow down a little...it does have an awful habit of going by too fast.
The imagery in your poem is lovely. Nice touches of alliteration too.
Best wishes to you and good luck in the contest.
Debra :)
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Hi Chip :)
I really like your 5-7-5.
Wouldn't it be nice if time did slow down a little...it does have an awful habit of going by too fast.
The imagery in your poem is lovely. Nice touches of alliteration too.
Best wishes to you and good luck in the contest.
Debra :)
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thanks, Debra.
Comment from Gail Denham
There are sure moments - events - we'd love to freeze and keep. Guess that's what our memory banks are for - to store up - and pull out those memories on a dark, rainy, dreary day.
Good job.
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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There are sure moments - events - we'd love to freeze and keep. Guess that's what our memory banks are for - to store up - and pull out those memories on a dark, rainy, dreary day.
Good job.
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thanks, Gail.