Do You Snore?
a bored mind roams59 total reviews
Comment from Miss Sherry
Very amusing verse with a knockout photo that will certainly get the men's attention. Just a bit risque, but certainly fits what you are going for. A fun verse and a great presentation!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Very amusing verse with a knockout photo that will certainly get the men's attention. Just a bit risque, but certainly fits what you are going for. A fun verse and a great presentation!
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Smile. Thank you.
Comment from Heather Knight
So this lady is planning to cheat on her husband and seduce the neighbor? She finds her life boring...
Lovely poem with an interesting title. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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So this lady is planning to cheat on her husband and seduce the neighbor? She finds her life boring...
Lovely poem with an interesting title. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Ah, women. You know. LOL
Thank you.
Doug
Comment from Ms. Snyder
When I read this I was like enraptured by the picture - it is so seductive and I want to take a picture of myself like this. Only my hair is no longer blonde. But I love the position and the nature of the photo and I love the words of the poem and how they are expressing the thoughts but the fact that you are asking if they snore is funny and challenging to my brain because when women get sick sometimes especially chesty women can snore even pretty ones. Now it might be lost on me Victor this pose of this person was an actress from a movie I haven't seen so you may be recalling the movie and I don't know the reference, but I really liked your poem and it's cadence. I really adored the photo and the woman's pose you should write in the author notes who she is and what year it was taken. Just for us curious folk (I am a woman who can appreciate another woman's beauty and not be lusting after her FYI.) Great right side magic side, mine would be the left side LOL. Cheers, Fonda
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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When I read this I was like enraptured by the picture - it is so seductive and I want to take a picture of myself like this. Only my hair is no longer blonde. But I love the position and the nature of the photo and I love the words of the poem and how they are expressing the thoughts but the fact that you are asking if they snore is funny and challenging to my brain because when women get sick sometimes especially chesty women can snore even pretty ones. Now it might be lost on me Victor this pose of this person was an actress from a movie I haven't seen so you may be recalling the movie and I don't know the reference, but I really liked your poem and it's cadence. I really adored the photo and the woman's pose you should write in the author notes who she is and what year it was taken. Just for us curious folk (I am a woman who can appreciate another woman's beauty and not be lusting after her FYI.) Great right side magic side, mine would be the left side LOL. Cheers, Fonda
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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What a wonderful review when you reveal a side of you. Thank you.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Victor
For a dollar-plus I am sure you'll be inundated with reviews, but this is worth reading for 2c too. A very refreshing and inventive (and witty, witty, witty) read. Sometimes the stuff of dreams comes to us wide-eyed and awake. I was wondering where you were going when she 'presented' herself whilst clover picking... my interest was purely artistic of course: a man of your calibre would understand I am sure.
The short lines work well to emphasize the narrator's accumulation of thought, as markers - or maybe 'sleepers" (pun intended; and apologized for in the same parenthesis) - on the sultry track down which her train of thought proceeds.
This is a very good piece. I'd set it aside for further work and a life outside of FS.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Hello Victor
For a dollar-plus I am sure you'll be inundated with reviews, but this is worth reading for 2c too. A very refreshing and inventive (and witty, witty, witty) read. Sometimes the stuff of dreams comes to us wide-eyed and awake. I was wondering where you were going when she 'presented' herself whilst clover picking... my interest was purely artistic of course: a man of your calibre would understand I am sure.
The short lines work well to emphasize the narrator's accumulation of thought, as markers - or maybe 'sleepers" (pun intended; and apologized for in the same parenthesis) - on the sultry track down which her train of thought proceeds.
This is a very good piece. I'd set it aside for further work and a life outside of FS.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Ha ha. Thank you so much, Phill.
Comment from royowen
The artwork really looks like the beautiful and incredible beauty of the dearly departed lady. I guess this must be how somebody would think, lying alongside an unconscious person, flight of fancy I think it's sometimes called, I'll ask my wife. Well done, my friend, nicely written, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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The artwork really looks like the beautiful and incredible beauty of the dearly departed lady. I guess this must be how somebody would think, lying alongside an unconscious person, flight of fancy I think it's sometimes called, I'll ask my wife. Well done, my friend, nicely written, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Perhaps, this time, you could do me a favor, and...
not ask the wife. LOL
Thanks,
Doug
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Certainly Doug
Comment from PeterRHW
I wonder, yes I wonder if your male readers picture themselves as the husband or the neighbour? You lure us into that twilight world between wakefulness and sleep where fantasies reign.... or is it just fantasy? Those wandering thoughts supported by random rhyming certainly captured my imagination. A great poem Victor.
Best regards, Peter
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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I wonder, yes I wonder if your male readers picture themselves as the husband or the neighbour? You lure us into that twilight world between wakefulness and sleep where fantasies reign.... or is it just fantasy? Those wandering thoughts supported by random rhyming certainly captured my imagination. A great poem Victor.
Best regards, Peter
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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Smile, thank you.
Comment from JudyE
The mind does funny things some times doesn't it? When you're half asleep and the other half is snoring away. I enjoyed your poem. I wonder if she'll follow through tomorrow?
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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The mind does funny things some times doesn't it? When you're half asleep and the other half is snoring away. I enjoyed your poem. I wonder if she'll follow through tomorrow?
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Me too.
Especially since I'm the neighbor.
LOL
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Sorry for the 'empty' reply. I hit 'save' by mistake.
Comment from Earl Corp
Cool picture you chose to accompany your poem. Iliked the rhyming scheme you used when you wrote this piece. Not sure what your point is but it's a fun read.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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Cool picture you chose to accompany your poem. Iliked the rhyming scheme you used when you wrote this piece. Not sure what your point is but it's a fun read.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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I'm afraid seduction is sort of its own point. Lol
Comment from meeshu
sensuous and mysterious. craven revelry? a like this write it is unconstrained and floating in the air. only to be grounded in the end. excellent, V.T..................meeshu
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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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sensuous and mysterious. craven revelry? a like this write it is unconstrained and floating in the air. only to be grounded in the end. excellent, V.T..................meeshu
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2019
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Smile. Thank you.