Derailed
My life had derailed.74 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't normally like unrhymed poetry, but my goodness, this was riveting stuff! I can quite understand how that would give you nightmares. Did your father disappear that night? That was so sad that you never had the chance to bond and know a father's love. This is such a great contest entry, I doubt it could be bettered. Well done and good luck! :) Sandra
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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I don't normally like unrhymed poetry, but my goodness, this was riveting stuff! I can quite understand how that would give you nightmares. Did your father disappear that night? That was so sad that you never had the chance to bond and know a father's love. This is such a great contest entry, I doubt it could be bettered. Well done and good luck! :) Sandra
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Sandra, for your heartfelt review. At the time, my father was a potter who often stayed overnight at his pottery studio across the Valley to fire his kilns. Unfortunately, it was at his studio away from home where he began having affairs with his pottery students. This ended my parents' marriage several months after the events I described.
Thank you for wishing me good luck in the contest, too.
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I am sorry, Sis Cat, that's awful. It's the children that suffer the most when these things happen. :( Big hugs, my friend. xx
Comment from Pantygynt
This personal story of fear and lack of comprehension must have been repeated over and over again inthe homes of those within what was deemed to be the danger area. It seems that this derailment was the result of mindless vandalism, if i have read the first stanza correctly.
The crux of the poem is its progression from failure to understand, total bewilderment of a four year old, through to the realisation that your vlife was as derailed as the train, resulting in furture nightmares all generated by an overload of events. This has to be a version of PTSD.
It was probably this that also caused the events of the last two stanzas that sum up life since the event.
The cleverness of this free verse lies not in its employment of poetic devices, indeed few are employed, but in in the way the poem is laid out, the length of its sentences, the repetition particularly of the word 'wailed' that so dominates the final stanza as clearly, it has dominated your life since.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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This personal story of fear and lack of comprehension must have been repeated over and over again inthe homes of those within what was deemed to be the danger area. It seems that this derailment was the result of mindless vandalism, if i have read the first stanza correctly.
The crux of the poem is its progression from failure to understand, total bewilderment of a four year old, through to the realisation that your vlife was as derailed as the train, resulting in furture nightmares all generated by an overload of events. This has to be a version of PTSD.
It was probably this that also caused the events of the last two stanzas that sum up life since the event.
The cleverness of this free verse lies not in its employment of poetic devices, indeed few are employed, but in in the way the poem is laid out, the length of its sentences, the repetition particularly of the word 'wailed' that so dominates the final stanza as clearly, it has dominated your life since.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Oh, thank you, Jim, for your tender, heartfelt. After half a century, I haven't forgotten this event. You are the second reviewer to point out PTSD. Perhaps me writing and talking about this event now will help me move on.
Comment from Sally Law
Excellent! So well done and packed with the emotion of a young boy. I had my life derailed as a young girl, and I can truly relate. This is my first time reading your work as I am new to FanStory. I enjoyed your piece very much. I hope to see more of you on the pages.
Kindest regards to you and your family,
Sally
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Excellent! So well done and packed with the emotion of a young boy. I had my life derailed as a young girl, and I can truly relate. This is my first time reading your work as I am new to FanStory. I enjoyed your piece very much. I hope to see more of you on the pages.
Kindest regards to you and your family,
Sally
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Sally, for your kind, tender review. I am glad you enjoyed my piece very much.
Comment from Cedar
Hello Sis Cat: This must have been a very frightening experience for you and definitely something that will remain in your memories all your life.
You did an exceptional job explaining all the horrifying details that happened that night.
If you don't mind, I do have one small suggestion that might make your words feel more realistic to your readers as they read them. Change your presentation picture from a toy train by googling a real train derailment picture.
In my opinion, this entry will be hard to beat. Take care, my friend...Bill
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Hello Sis Cat: This must have been a very frightening experience for you and definitely something that will remain in your memories all your life.
You did an exceptional job explaining all the horrifying details that happened that night.
If you don't mind, I do have one small suggestion that might make your words feel more realistic to your readers as they read them. Change your presentation picture from a toy train by googling a real train derailment picture.
In my opinion, this entry will be hard to beat. Take care, my friend...Bill
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Bill, for your heartfelt, six star review and recommending I use a picture of a real train derailment. You are the second reviewer to suggest that, and I found a picture from five years earlier on the same section of track where teens also caused a derailment by sabotaging the switch.
Thank you for wishing me success with my poem in the contest.
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In my opinion Andre, that picture that you are now using "really" added more meaning to that terrifying night that you experienced.
I believe we got a winner here! Take care. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
What a frightening scenario that must have been playing out before you and your family's eyes, Andre.
This is free verse poetry story-telling at it's very finest.
I haven't seen you post anything for quite awhile; I hope all is well with you in your world.
I was born in 1960 so I would've been eight-years-old at the time.
The 1960's were, on occasion, violent times. Vietnam, war protests, integration, the aforementioned assassinations of President JFK, Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thanks for sharing your poetic tale of terror.
Exceptionally well done.
~Dean
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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What a frightening scenario that must have been playing out before you and your family's eyes, Andre.
This is free verse poetry story-telling at it's very finest.
I haven't seen you post anything for quite awhile; I hope all is well with you in your world.
I was born in 1960 so I would've been eight-years-old at the time.
The 1960's were, on occasion, violent times. Vietnam, war protests, integration, the aforementioned assassinations of President JFK, Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thanks for sharing your poetic tale of terror.
Exceptionally well done.
~Dean
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Yes, Dean, I took a break from FanStory to focus on my guitar and submitting poems to publications. I am glad I shared my poetic tale of terror. Thank you for your review of my "free verse poetry story-telling at it's very finest."
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Well, it's nice to see a post from you again.
You're very welcome.
~Dean
Comment from Dawn Munro
"We have to go." (for grammar)
Otherwise - wow, Andre. Fabulous. Powerful writing, even without a lot of poetic device used - the repetition in that last stanza, however, is especially effective.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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"We have to go." (for grammar)
Otherwise - wow, Andre. Fabulous. Powerful writing, even without a lot of poetic device used - the repetition in that last stanza, however, is especially effective.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Dawn, for your generous, six star review, grammar suggestion, and wishing me good luck in the contest.
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You're very welcome, Andre.
Comment from country ranch writer
A horirific event for one to face at any age my goodness! What a fright this must have been for a child so young. It sticks in your mind forever and it wakes you in the night with bad dreams.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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A horirific event for one to face at any age my goodness! What a fright this must have been for a child so young. It sticks in your mind forever and it wakes you in the night with bad dreams.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Yes, Country Ranch Writer, for half a century I thought I had been having a bad nightmare, but then I found the newspaper articles of the derailment and my proximity to it. And when another reviewer who lived in the area recalled the same derailment, I knew I was not making it up. Thank you for your review.
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Smiles
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow! What a rivetting story!
A pacy piece packed with action and emotion from start to finish and the tragedy that unfolds is vivid and confronting.
Well written. Stay strong!
Cheers P
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Wow! What a rivetting story!
A pacy piece packed with action and emotion from start to finish and the tragedy that unfolds is vivid and confronting.
Well written. Stay strong!
Cheers P
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, P, for your enthusiastic review of my riveting story. I'm glad it held your attention from start to finish. Stay strong, too!
Comment from June Sargent
Yes, the sixties were turbulent times and many lives were symbolically and literally derailed. I was in my sophomore year when JFK was assasinated. I remember early dismissal and going home alone on the subway wondering if the world had gone mad. Little did I know that that was just the beginning of the madness. As a four year old child, it would definitely have been a frightening time for you, your mom and your little elf doll Sam. We are the sum total of our experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. It makes us who we are - and hopefully these memories contributed somewhat to your being a stronger person, even with nightmares now and then. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Yes, the sixties were turbulent times and many lives were symbolically and literally derailed. I was in my sophomore year when JFK was assasinated. I remember early dismissal and going home alone on the subway wondering if the world had gone mad. Little did I know that that was just the beginning of the madness. As a four year old child, it would definitely have been a frightening time for you, your mom and your little elf doll Sam. We are the sum total of our experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. It makes us who we are - and hopefully these memories contributed somewhat to your being a stronger person, even with nightmares now and then. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you, June, for your heartfelt review. I am glad that after half a century, I finally shared my nightmarish story.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about a life that was disrupted in an instance when a dangerous fire erupts that set the family's lives in danger and they have to flee from their safe home.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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A very well-written poem about a life that was disrupted in an instance when a dangerous fire erupts that set the family's lives in danger and they have to flee from their safe home.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Yes, Sandra, it was a chaotic, frightening, middle of the night evacuation. Thank you for your review of my well-written poem.
