Cornbread Without Butter
I sure made a mistake in your sister's Easy-Bake.71 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Your verse is well done, I think.
It tells a story, somewhat sad, and has a song feel about it.
Well done and thank you for sharing this lovely piece with us.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Your verse is well done, I think.
It tells a story, somewhat sad, and has a song feel about it.
Well done and thank you for sharing this lovely piece with us.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Sharon, in order for me to write these lyrics, I wrote the story in prose first, figured out the characters, their narrative arc, and key scenes. Only when I had figured out the story did I write the lyrics. Thnk you for your review.
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Your system worked.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Delightful song lyrics that had me grinning from ear to ear. I so enjoyed reading this! I can picture this being sung by a Southern Country singer. Any poem or song that combines food with love has my nod.
"fixins/cornpones/Piggly Wiggly/squealed/cornbread and butter/you slathered my body's ev'ry nook and cranny" ... these all spell fun and yummy.
Considerable thought went into the writing of these song lyrics, and it shows. Terrific internal rhyming! The chorus packs a little punch, particularly the last line ... "who bakes it hot like you". The most brilliant line, I think is ... "I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake". Without actually saying so, this line infers infidelity. No wonder she left. :)
It's too bad that there wasn't a Song Lyrics contest that you could have entered this into, I think it would have won, hands down. Great job on this! ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Delightful song lyrics that had me grinning from ear to ear. I so enjoyed reading this! I can picture this being sung by a Southern Country singer. Any poem or song that combines food with love has my nod.
"fixins/cornpones/Piggly Wiggly/squealed/cornbread and butter/you slathered my body's ev'ry nook and cranny" ... these all spell fun and yummy.
Considerable thought went into the writing of these song lyrics, and it shows. Terrific internal rhyming! The chorus packs a little punch, particularly the last line ... "who bakes it hot like you". The most brilliant line, I think is ... "I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake". Without actually saying so, this line infers infidelity. No wonder she left. :)
It's too bad that there wasn't a Song Lyrics contest that you could have entered this into, I think it would have won, hands down. Great job on this! ~~ Connie
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Connie, the " sis' Easy-Bake" line infers that the man had an affair with his wife's younger sister.
I'm glad my lyrics had you grinning from ear to ear. I took a one day break from FanStory and wrote this song in which I had only completed the chorus. I'm amazed at the "considerable thought" I put into this.
Yes, I searched for a FanStory song writing contest but did not find one, but I am thinking of bigger things--entering the song into the West Coast Songwriter's Contest at Berkeley's Freight and Salvage. Here, I can enter the lyrics only. If I win, I get three hours of studio time. This songwriting contest ends in June, so I am strongly considering joining for next season.
Thank you for your yummy, six star review and encouragement.
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Good luck to you in that contest, Andre. I hope that you win! The lyrics are really terrific. Fingers crossed.
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Yes, this year's contest just closed on April 15, but there is always next year. I'm joining the West Coast Songwriters.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Just loved this, even though it made me gain a few pounds just reading it! It sounds delicious. Have you put it to music yet? I love country and western and this sounds and I just know I'd love to hear this one. So well done, I love how you got the inspiration for it, it's funny things like that, that always hit the spot! Well done. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Just loved this, even though it made me gain a few pounds just reading it! It sounds delicious. Have you put it to music yet? I love country and western and this sounds and I just know I'd love to hear this one. So well done, I love how you got the inspiration for it, it's funny things like that, that always hit the spot! Well done. Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Sandra, fortunately I walked off the pounds gained from writing this song. No, I haven't put music to it yet, although one reviewer offered. I'm amazed I took a miscommunication and created a song. It makes me wonder how many potential songs and poems are out there waiting to be written. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Artasylum
Sis Cat,
Your words flew right off the page and making me feel so bad for you, yet not.
"Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong.
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake."
This is funny, sweet and a big shame on you. Maybe a life lesson as well.
A better country singer has never been written... I'm already sining it in my head. As ever...!
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Sis Cat,
Your words flew right off the page and making me feel so bad for you, yet not.
"Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong.
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake."
This is funny, sweet and a big shame on you. Maybe a life lesson as well.
A better country singer has never been written... I'm already sining it in my head. As ever...!
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Artasylum, me, too. I'm already singing this song in my head. Thank you for your revie and compliments. Yes, there is a big life lesson involved. Thanks again.
Comment from robyn corum
Andre,
Well, you got me right from the beginning. When I read the title, I thought, this poor boy is confused -- you don't eat cornbread without butter!
So, as I read, I was like....ahhhh... he DOES know this. *smile* You know, my friend. We both know you are a good writer. (And I haven't heard you, but I assume you are a marvelous oral storyteller -- which, btw, if you ever record those moments, I'd love to have a copy!) So, anyway. We both know you are clever and witty and creative and smart. But I think soooometimes... perhaps you even surprise yourself?
I know you never fail to delight ME. I always enjoy your work and I'm so glad you share it. This is one of my favorite things EVER from your delightful pen.
I think I'll keep it. *smile*
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Andre,
Well, you got me right from the beginning. When I read the title, I thought, this poor boy is confused -- you don't eat cornbread without butter!
So, as I read, I was like....ahhhh... he DOES know this. *smile* You know, my friend. We both know you are a good writer. (And I haven't heard you, but I assume you are a marvelous oral storyteller -- which, btw, if you ever record those moments, I'd love to have a copy!) So, anyway. We both know you are clever and witty and creative and smart. But I think soooometimes... perhaps you even surprise yourself?
I know you never fail to delight ME. I always enjoy your work and I'm so glad you share it. This is one of my favorite things EVER from your delightful pen.
I think I'll keep it. *smile*
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Robyn, I surprised myself with this one. I seldom listen to country music any more, and I neither play an instrument nor read music. So when an idea came to me which says "Country Western," I listened and dived into it even though I have no experience. As a poet and songwriter, I find it important to me to let the piece take me wherever it needs to go to achieve fruition, even if it is outsside of my comfort zone. I avoid shoe-horning a poem or song into what I am comfortable doing.
I love delighting people and making them smile. I have about seven songs here on FanStory--almost enough for an album. People clamor for me to record. That is the direction I must go.
Thank you for your delicious six star review and for calling this "one of my favorite things EVER from your delightful pen."
I much appreciate it from a poet of your caliber.
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you adorable human... (pinching of cheeks)
Comment from Pantygynt
I would just love to hear this sung. I don't believe I have ever tasted this but the lyric makes it sound delightful if uninteresting without butter. Butter makes the world go around. Is that another potential lyric I wonder.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I would just love to hear this sung. I don't believe I have ever tasted this but the lyric makes it sound delightful if uninteresting without butter. Butter makes the world go around. Is that another potential lyric I wonder.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Oh, thank you, Jim, for your review. Yes, butter makes the world go around. My portfolio now has about eight unrecorded songs--about enough for an album. As more people clamour to hear me sing my songs with a band, it has become apparent to me that I will have to record and perform. Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment from Swampfox1
hmmm, a country song, wow. I can see that pretty well and it flows like a country song. Pretty cool how it came about. Never tried cornbread with butter, but I cook it with butter, is that the same. For some reason this stanza doesn't sound so correcto mundo. "You had squealed at the deal on corn to grind to meal.
Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong.
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake." That needs to be a little more adultish unless you selling the song to some kiddos.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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hmmm, a country song, wow. I can see that pretty well and it flows like a country song. Pretty cool how it came about. Never tried cornbread with butter, but I cook it with butter, is that the same. For some reason this stanza doesn't sound so correcto mundo. "You had squealed at the deal on corn to grind to meal.
Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong.
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake." That needs to be a little more adultish unless you selling the song to some kiddos.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you, Swampfox1, for your review and comments on that stanza. I will check with other reviewers for a consensus. I meant the song to be fun and don't think lines like "You slathered by body's ev'ry nook and cranny" is meant for kiddos. Thanks.
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I know its not a kid song, as you stated rather sarcastically, but why would anyone write a song with vulgarity that is not fit for radio. I am not used to that, sorry. But referring to an easy bake and meaning a vagina is not cool either, no matter how your write it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
I could write the music for these wonderful lyrics, Andre - and I happen to love cornbread, though I long ago lost the recipe I used to use, and I haven't baked in a long time. Must try it again soon... Terrific metaphor!
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I could write the music for these wonderful lyrics, Andre - and I happen to love cornbread, though I long ago lost the recipe I used to use, and I haven't baked in a long time. Must try it again soon... Terrific metaphor!
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you, Dawn, for your offer to compose the music. I copied and pasted your review into my song notes for future reference as many FanStorians clamour to hear my song put to music and my voice. I'm also thinking about performing on stage if I could create a band or find musicians.
I have about eight unrecorded songs in my portfolio. They range from ballads to blues. This one is Country Western and I would want to know if you have any experience with writing the music for that form and if can play an instrument. I would need a Richard Rodgers for my Oscar Hammerstein II. For this song, I hear in my head a bass, a guitar, banjo, drums, fiddle, and possibly a Fats Domino/Jerry Lee Lewis piano. Although I was not born in the South, I want a down home sound that would make my Texas mama proud if she were alive.
Thank you for your review, and I am keeping a memo on your offer.
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Oh dear, what have I done? I didn't mean to mislead you. I haven't written music in a very, very long time. I only meant your lyrics were so good, I could hear music in my head as I read them. Yes, I play a little guitar and piano, but again - not for a very long time. Mind you, I grew up with music, and it's in my blood I guess - my father actually earned his living as a musician, could play any instrument, and my mother and brother are (and were - my Mom has passed) pianists. But Country? Love it (too) - we all used to enjoy it. I wish you much success with it, but more than that, know of a FanStorian who is (right now) writing songs - I think Country. You might want to check her page - she's Boxer Girl - a lovely and talented friend.
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Thank you for the tip on Boxer Girl.
Andre
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You're most welcome.
Comment from humpwhistle
I can hear the sweet twang, and my mouth is waterin'.
Cornbread and butter are the best combo since Adam and Eve, Bud and Lou, Amos and Andy, Lucy and Desi.
You've got to put this to music, Andre.
You speak the truth--
Cornbread and butter need each other.
Mexico agrees with you, amigo.
Paz, Lee
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I can hear the sweet twang, and my mouth is waterin'.
Cornbread and butter are the best combo since Adam and Eve, Bud and Lou, Amos and Andy, Lucy and Desi.
You've got to put this to music, Andre.
You speak the truth--
Cornbread and butter need each other.
Mexico agrees with you, amigo.
Paz, Lee
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Si, Senor, Mexico, agrees with me. I had two days left on my vacation, so I decided to stop reviewing on FanStory for a day so I could finish this song I started as a chorus only four months ago. I finshed the song in one day.
Of all of the writers here on FanStory, you had the strongest infuence on this song. In our conversations over reviews, we talked about the importance of listening to voices and dialect, and allowing characters to go where they want to go without shoe-horning them. I had no idea that the woman was going to bake cornbread for her wedding guests or that she squeals when she finds a good deal on corn to grind to meal at Piggly Wiggly. I can't plan this. Characters tell me their stories. My job is to record them as faithfully as I can.
Thank you for your mouth-watering, six star review.
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I'm glad you agree with me, Andre. When I suggest characters have minds of their own, I can hear the eyes rolling. But I'm never disappointed when I give my characters their head. They never fail to surprise and delight me. Writing isn't a dictatorship. It's dictation. Wow! I'm so clever!
I doubt I played any part in your song, but I'll take credit at the Grammies. I'm brushing my tux as we speak. Sure, I have a tux. L
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem about the things lovers do together will always stick to our minds. When they leave our lives they leave us without the butter we put on our daily bread.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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A very well-written heartfelt poem about the things lovers do together will always stick to our minds. When they leave our lives they leave us without the butter we put on our daily bread.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Sandra, when they leave our lives, they leave us without the butter to put on our daily bread. Thank you for your review.