The Products of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Good Love Gone Wrong"...the story of Jenny and Ron
75 total reviews
Comment from Hayley Solomon
Wow, a double reversed etheree! That is an interesting challenge! I love the build up, and the entire antithesis of the second etheree.
Here is a weird suggestion:
invert the etherees, start with hate, ending as you do,
Find a new life, a shiny new love.
Bury the pain; heal the wound, forget him
then beginning with the next etheree (as you do,)
So wonderfully sweet; the beginning,
The moonlight walks and soft pillow talks,
so that your poem ends on love, not hate.... new beginnings being possible.
That will make the reverse etheree even more fun. Great rendition, I really enjoyed this,
Hayley:)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Wow, a double reversed etheree! That is an interesting challenge! I love the build up, and the entire antithesis of the second etheree.
Here is a weird suggestion:
invert the etherees, start with hate, ending as you do,
Find a new life, a shiny new love.
Bury the pain; heal the wound, forget him
then beginning with the next etheree (as you do,)
So wonderfully sweet; the beginning,
The moonlight walks and soft pillow talks,
so that your poem ends on love, not hate.... new beginnings being possible.
That will make the reverse etheree even more fun. Great rendition, I really enjoyed this,
Hayley:)
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi Hayley; thank you for your time to read and review and for your suggestion. I think I will leave this poem as is, and maybe write another one giving the reader more hope. This particular poem is a 'side' piece to the story I'm presenting in parts - and the ending is not uplifting.
~patty~
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Oh, well that is he optimism in me creeping out! Just occurred to me because it is such an interesting structure and so reversible.It is perfect as it is, in any event!
Best,
Hayley
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nothing wrong with being an optimist!
Comment from Irish Rain
Yes, I so remember feeling both these emotions, love and hate, in exactly these ways. I really like the format here, this is wonderful. Blessings....
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Yes, I so remember feeling both these emotions, love and hate, in exactly these ways. I really like the format here, this is wonderful. Blessings....
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi Karyn; thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from pipersfancy
Very interesting form, and it works so well for the subject of your poem! I'd never heard of the "Etheree", and here, you've demonstrated two for the price of one!
I can visualize the space between the two stanzas as that tipping point, where everything that was so grand to begin with suddenly goes terribly wrong... (I've often wondered what makes us that way... and tips us over the edge.)
You've very creatively given me food for thought, Patty. Much appreciation!
pf
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Very interesting form, and it works so well for the subject of your poem! I'd never heard of the "Etheree", and here, you've demonstrated two for the price of one!
I can visualize the space between the two stanzas as that tipping point, where everything that was so grand to begin with suddenly goes terribly wrong... (I've often wondered what makes us that way... and tips us over the edge.)
You've very creatively given me food for thought, Patty. Much appreciation!
pf
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for your thoughtful and concise review. I, too, saw the space as the 'tipping point'; where everything goes wrong.
~patty~
Comment from royowen
Almost like an antonym with an etheree form to back it up.
I like the linking of the relational hub to this work Patty,
clever, connected and the flow is good, almost a highlighted commentary/prose theme to it.
Well done, good one, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Almost like an antonym with an etheree form to back it up.
I like the linking of the relational hub to this work Patty,
clever, connected and the flow is good, almost a highlighted commentary/prose theme to it.
Well done, good one, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi Roy; thank you for such a glowing review of this poem. I had a good time constructing the etheree and I am glad you saw the relationship between the parts,
~patty~
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Great job,
Comment from BeasPeas
This is very nicely composed, Patty. The strong emotions of love and hate can make us or break us. You express both so well here. I like the visual impact of the form as well as the colors. Topic is ever timely. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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This is very nicely composed, Patty. The strong emotions of love and hate can make us or break us. You express both so well here. I like the visual impact of the form as well as the colors. Topic is ever timely. Marilyn
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi Marilyn; thank you so much for the lovely review of this piece. I had a good time putting the piece together,
~patty~
Comment from lyenochka
Very well captured - as often those relationships can start so well and end so badly. I like how you end with Love and start the second etheree with Hate. Love has to be comprised of so much more than feelings.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Very well captured - as often those relationships can start so well and end so badly. I like how you end with Love and start the second etheree with Hate. Love has to be comprised of so much more than feelings.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Yes, there is always more than feelings to any love story,
~patty~
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Patty
= So true many times that is the case.
= Realities of life slip in--life isn't always a bowl of cherries.
= It's what we do with the pits that count.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi, Patty
= So true many times that is the case.
= Realities of life slip in--life isn't always a bowl of cherries.
= It's what we do with the pits that count.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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LOL! I used to have my life saying as 'If life is a bowl of cherries, then why am I always in the pits?'
I'm sure Jenny will come to her senses - maybe in time? Of course since we know what ends up happening, did she really learn anything?
~patty~
Comment from JDRBAR
What an unusual format, and done so very well. The transition was perfect. Unfortunately, it's a transition so very, very many people experience in their search for "just the right one." Good luck with this.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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What an unusual format, and done so very well. The transition was perfect. Unfortunately, it's a transition so very, very many people experience in their search for "just the right one." Good luck with this.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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thank you for your thoughtful review. I had a good time constructing this poem according to the poetic form. I appreciate your kind words,
~patty~
Comment from c_lucas
When love dies
Bury it and move on
It's a learning lesson
The next time
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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When love dies
Bury it and move on
It's a learning lesson
The next time
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem.
~patty~
Comment from Mitchell Brontë
Patty
This is such a fine double reversed Etheree poem.
You know how to focus on small things to express big things--occurrences, emotions, meanings--and describe for the reader the essence of it all, as far as you know it.
The full circle of both spectrums of a relationship that is worded expertly.
Mitchell
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Patty
This is such a fine double reversed Etheree poem.
You know how to focus on small things to express big things--occurrences, emotions, meanings--and describe for the reader the essence of it all, as far as you know it.
The full circle of both spectrums of a relationship that is worded expertly.
Mitchell
Comment Written 11-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2017
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Hi Mitch; thank you for such a wonderful review! I appreciate your kind words about my work. Poetry is my second love - while prose reigns supreme. But, I like using words in different formats, and the myriad of poetic forms helps me to do just that.
Thank you for reading along,
~patty~
