Wild and Free
Narrative in Alouette form62 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
The Alouette works nicely as a stanza form. That wasn't Lochinvar talking, was it? One of the most beautiful folk tunes of the sixties was "The Gypsy Rover." and the theme was, yes...well chosen story and excellent rhymes.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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The Alouette works nicely as a stanza form. That wasn't Lochinvar talking, was it? One of the most beautiful folk tunes of the sixties was "The Gypsy Rover." and the theme was, yes...well chosen story and excellent rhymes.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you. I remember 'The Gypsy Rover'.
There is a hint of Lochinvar here, isn't there? The artwork I used, actually depicts him. But if I remember correctly, he charged straight into the wedding celebrations to steal the bride!
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well done Steve. The poem has the makings of a story in a poem as well as an Alouette poem. Great meter which makes the poem flow smoothly and the rhyme is superb.Love the image it fits the story. Well done Steve. Good luck. Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Well done Steve. The poem has the makings of a story in a poem as well as an Alouette poem. Great meter which makes the poem flow smoothly and the rhyme is superb.Love the image it fits the story. Well done Steve. Good luck. Nancy
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks, nancy - glad you enjoyed this one.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Oh, Steve. I haven't a bloody clue what an Alouette is (other than it being a lark in that horrid French song), but who cares? This poem of yours...
"sigh"
I want to write this STORY, for crying out loud.
Went straight to my heart, this one. 10 stars (you're only gittin five, coz that's all I have).
Love it love it love it.
Bookmarking to read whenever I'm feeling blah.
Brilliant. I really hope you win with this one. It's wonderful.
Av
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Oh, Steve. I haven't a bloody clue what an Alouette is (other than it being a lark in that horrid French song), but who cares? This poem of yours...
"sigh"
I want to write this STORY, for crying out loud.
Went straight to my heart, this one. 10 stars (you're only gittin five, coz that's all I have).
Love it love it love it.
Bookmarking to read whenever I'm feeling blah.
Brilliant. I really hope you win with this one. It's wonderful.
Av
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Av, thanks for the enthusiastic review and the virtual sixer. I have to let my romantic side out for a bit of a play sometimes...
Steve
Comment from Marvin Calloway
What an interesting story! So well-told and to make it all rhyme I find simply amazing. I also appreciated the sad/happy ending. The length was just right.
In particular, I enjoyed this picture:
To my arms she leaps,
As the sunrise creeps
To gild all the eastern sky.
Does a period belong at the end of the first line?
6* Marv
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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What an interesting story! So well-told and to make it all rhyme I find simply amazing. I also appreciated the sad/happy ending. The length was just right.
In particular, I enjoyed this picture:
To my arms she leaps,
As the sunrise creeps
To gild all the eastern sky.
Does a period belong at the end of the first line?
6* Marv
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Marvin, thanks for the great review, the sharp eye for a period out of place (my own eyes frequently transpose the period and the comma) and of course for the six shiny stars.
Steve
Comment from William Ross
very good well written well versed good rhyme love the picture, helps give that mid century feel. good luck to you and this piece in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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very good well written well versed good rhyme love the picture, helps give that mid century feel. good luck to you and this piece in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, William - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from MacMhuirich
What a wonderful tale to tell in a poem. Good rhyme and flow take the reader along at a canter as the hero escapes with his prize. This is a brilliant story for the poetry form. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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What a wonderful tale to tell in a poem. Good rhyme and flow take the reader along at a canter as the hero escapes with his prize. This is a brilliant story for the poetry form. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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John, thanks so much for the kind words - glad you enjoyed this romantic canter.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding story poem in musically-nuanced and visually 'tapestried' richness in the aloutte style. A strong entry for the contest due to the eloquent finesse in flow and phrasing and the use of unusual old-time words to generate an atmosphere of an era. Good characterization and POV/ Outstanding rhyming as well as well=woven poetic devices.
Superbly descriptive too!
Favorite lines to read aloud:
Past the darkling crag,
Like a bounding stag,
My steed never slacks his pace,
And his hoof-beats pound
On the stony ground,
A match to my heart's mad race.
Bravo and good luck.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Outstanding story poem in musically-nuanced and visually 'tapestried' richness in the aloutte style. A strong entry for the contest due to the eloquent finesse in flow and phrasing and the use of unusual old-time words to generate an atmosphere of an era. Good characterization and POV/ Outstanding rhyming as well as well=woven poetic devices.
Superbly descriptive too!
Favorite lines to read aloud:
Past the darkling crag,
Like a bounding stag,
My steed never slacks his pace,
And his hoof-beats pound
On the stony ground,
A match to my heart's mad race.
Bravo and good luck.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Rama - I always know that if I squeeze a six star review out of you, I've really written something of quality. I'm not sure that this is what the Allouette was designed for, but it sure worked for me, once I'd untangled how mixed iambics and anapaests could fit those unusual syllable requirements.
Steve
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I loved how you mixed meter so well! :) Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Steve! good luck. Warmly, rd
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a very good Alouette poem contest entry. You have painted a very vivid picture using the correct syllable count required. The forbidden love, fleeing on horseback, the eloping all makes for an enticing read. Well done on this enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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This is a very good Alouette poem contest entry. You have painted a very vivid picture using the correct syllable count required. The forbidden love, fleeing on horseback, the eloping all makes for an enticing read. Well done on this enjoyable read.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, DD - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
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I did enjoy it. In fact I felt compelled to write and add another stanza to my Alouette piece after reading yours. However, mine still paled to insignificant in comparison. I knew adding another stanza wouldn't be much use as yours is streaks ahead and a fine write. Mine was all to do with making a first attempt and seeing how a different style felt to compose. I enjoyed it :-) Thank you for showing me how a good Alouette should read. DD
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written poem depicting getting the girl and still living wild and free.
The best of both possible worlds.
Uses terms such as "To the outlaw life," "wild and free," and "journey's long," to much better illustrate this theme.
Should be a good contest entry.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Well written poem depicting getting the girl and still living wild and free.
The best of both possible worlds.
Uses terms such as "To the outlaw life," "wild and free," and "journey's long," to much better illustrate this theme.
Should be a good contest entry.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Brett - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Jacob Collins
You caught the lover's longing for each other well in this piece. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end and you held my interest. I liked the imagery you used and I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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You caught the lover's longing for each other well in this piece. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end and you held my interest. I liked the imagery you used and I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Jacob.
Steve