Torment and Choices
A different Father's Day Poem91 total reviews
Comment from gamay
Hello Rhonda, This is sad and very touching poem. I not suffer in that situation. My father was for me is a perfect father to me. he do a lot to me or the Family. My father before is ( alcoholic0 but even that his so responsible. My friend a father is only one. I value it much and we can't choose. Thanks for sharing gamay
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hello Rhonda, This is sad and very touching poem. I not suffer in that situation. My father was for me is a perfect father to me. he do a lot to me or the Family. My father before is ( alcoholic0 but even that his so responsible. My friend a father is only one. I value it much and we can't choose. Thanks for sharing gamay
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you for your sweet review, gamay. You are a precious person and I'm glad your father was a good man. Thank you for sharing your story as well. Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Thank you, also for the beautiful 6 star review!!!
Comment from boxergirl
Glad I had a sixer for this obe, Rhonda. I think we must have had the same father...or at least they shared the same plight in life with addictions and bad choices. Mine broke my heart as well but I finally made peace with it and forgave him even though it was after his death.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Glad I had a sixer for this obe, Rhonda. I think we must have had the same father...or at least they shared the same plight in life with addictions and bad choices. Mine broke my heart as well but I finally made peace with it and forgave him even though it was after his death.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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That's funny, but it took many years for me to just sit back and let the hard feelings go. We always had a relationship, off and on anyway, but all the gaps hurt. I've found several people on this site with abusive or neglectful fathers. Is it what made us what we are, or did we become so in spite of them? Anyway, thanks so much for the beautiful Dix star review. It means a lot to me. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from The Death
Hi davisr,
What a wonderful tribute to your father! Glad to know he was your inspiration, as whatever we write for our loved one...comes directly from our hearts. Your poem is full of emotions, where you have shared his story.
I fully understand and appreciate your sentiments here, and I know you would like this poem to speak at its fullest...so I'd recommend some punctuation suggestions, which would make the flow smoother. As of now, a few if your punctuation choices are distracting.
The greatest man I've almost known,
his heart was troubled, tempest blown.
A father, true, a man beset,
by life's struggle...we almost met.
You don't need to have a comma before "true", as it's supposed to act as an adjective here. It's use as noun would be incorrect as per the current structure of that sentence. Also, no comma after "beset" as it's a transitive verb. Thus, you'd have to rephrase the later half of the last line so that it becomes linked the previous thoughts. The iambic tetrameter is almost fine, except for two spots. In the last line above, "struggle" forms a trochee, not an iamb. As you have not tagged it as a metered poem, I'd leave that up to you. You have sketched his character really well.
I knew him, yes, but not quite well,(.)
His life, alas, was spent in hell.
Addictions steal(stole) both heart and life,
his health, happiness, child and wife.
Loved the use of S sounds and H alliteration in the above stanza. The first line should end with a period, and as you're describing him in past tense, you should have "stole" in the third line. The meter falls off in the last line with HAPpiNESS.
A very poignant closing:
A brilliant mind, an artist's heart,(--)
poor choices made, life torn apart.
What might have been I never saw,
addiction was his fatal flaw.
Use of strong rhyming makes it flow well. A highly emotive poem. Your love for him can be apparently felt here.
Regards,
Anupam
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hi davisr,
What a wonderful tribute to your father! Glad to know he was your inspiration, as whatever we write for our loved one...comes directly from our hearts. Your poem is full of emotions, where you have shared his story.
I fully understand and appreciate your sentiments here, and I know you would like this poem to speak at its fullest...so I'd recommend some punctuation suggestions, which would make the flow smoother. As of now, a few if your punctuation choices are distracting.
The greatest man I've almost known,
his heart was troubled, tempest blown.
A father, true, a man beset,
by life's struggle...we almost met.
You don't need to have a comma before "true", as it's supposed to act as an adjective here. It's use as noun would be incorrect as per the current structure of that sentence. Also, no comma after "beset" as it's a transitive verb. Thus, you'd have to rephrase the later half of the last line so that it becomes linked the previous thoughts. The iambic tetrameter is almost fine, except for two spots. In the last line above, "struggle" forms a trochee, not an iamb. As you have not tagged it as a metered poem, I'd leave that up to you. You have sketched his character really well.
I knew him, yes, but not quite well,(.)
His life, alas, was spent in hell.
Addictions steal(stole) both heart and life,
his health, happiness, child and wife.
Loved the use of S sounds and H alliteration in the above stanza. The first line should end with a period, and as you're describing him in past tense, you should have "stole" in the third line. The meter falls off in the last line with HAPpiNESS.
A very poignant closing:
A brilliant mind, an artist's heart,(--)
poor choices made, life torn apart.
What might have been I never saw,
addiction was his fatal flaw.
Use of strong rhyming makes it flow well. A highly emotive poem. Your love for him can be apparently felt here.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Wow, thank you for your very thoughtful and detailed review. I appreciate the time and effort you took to write it. Are you an English teacher or professor? You seem to have done this before. Thanks, I will revisit the poem. Take care,
Rhonda
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Thanks for your kind reply, Rhonda! No, I'm not an English teacher, for sure. Just sharing what I got to learn from the wonderful people here. Enjoy the day!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Beautiful poem with a lot of heartache. About a father that the author not really know. But know of his struggles with addictions through family life.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Beautiful poem with a lot of heartache. About a father that the author not really know. But know of his struggles with addictions through family life.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Sandra for your wonderful review. You seemed to have understood the message well. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from LeannaP
Hi there,
I'm glad you chose to write about
addiction. There are a few lines
here that resonated. Addiction runs rampant like the
stream in rivers. This poem
has great cadence as well. Thanks for posting..
L
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hi there,
I'm glad you chose to write about
addiction. There are a few lines
here that resonated. Addiction runs rampant like the
stream in rivers. This poem
has great cadence as well. Thanks for posting..
L
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind remarks, and for taking the time to review. Yes, addiction is rampant, but society today caters to it, I think. We have become a "whatever makes you happy" society and then act surprised when people become selfish.
Take care,
Rhonda
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you are so welcome
Comment from misscookie
I like the photo you choose for your poem,
it is a perfect match.
I can relate oh so well my ex son in-law was and still on the sad road.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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I like the photo you choose for your poem,
it is a perfect match.
I can relate oh so well my ex son in-law was and still on the sad road.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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So many are. I have a son living in the streets because he has hurt so many people that no one, not even me, can have him in the house. It was a difficult decision, more so than you can imagine, but I was mentally and emotionally going down with him, and he didn't want help, and openly flaunted his decisions with a challenge that there was nothing I could do about it. I did and it still hurts. In so many ways he reminds me of my father, and that is strange since they had very little time to meet each other. Thanks for the review and comments,
Rhonda
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I understand your pain. they don't realize its not just them going through his pain all the people who love him feel it too.
stay on praying grounds
Comment from anabellapongasi
This is such a sad and touching story in a poem about your father who became a stranger to you because of his addiction.
I really like the tone of this write, it is not filled with hate and bitterness. Instead it still has something positive to say about the brilliant artist who was troubled and just made wrong choices. I can see that you still have some fond memories of him that you hold dear.
Very well written. Great job.
Blessings,
Anabella
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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This is such a sad and touching story in a poem about your father who became a stranger to you because of his addiction.
I really like the tone of this write, it is not filled with hate and bitterness. Instead it still has something positive to say about the brilliant artist who was troubled and just made wrong choices. I can see that you still have some fond memories of him that you hold dear.
Very well written. Great job.
Blessings,
Anabella
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Anabella. There is no bitterness, but somewhere inside is a need for a relationship he was never really able to provide. It's more a sadness than anything. He was the type of man everyone loved, but no one ever really got close to. Thanks for taking the time to respond with such insight! Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Eric1
Hi Rhonda, this is a very sad yet poignant poem about your father, you sy you knew him but not that well so I assume you did not know about his addiction at the time, such a sad ending for an otherwise loving father who obviously meant a lot to you my friend.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Hi Rhonda, this is a very sad yet poignant poem about your father, you sy you knew him but not that well so I assume you did not know about his addiction at the time, such a sad ending for an otherwise loving father who obviously meant a lot to you my friend.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for the generous 6 star rating. With only a few to give each week, we are so careful about who we give them to, so I am honored!
I didn't know about his alcoholism until I after he left us when I was 10. My mother carried that burden alone. After I found out, he was open about it, but would disappear from our lives for months or years at a time, during which he would often sleep in the streets until he would rebuild his life. Then we would get close again, and then he would disappear. It was a viscous cycle and one day he "pulled a drunk" and didn't wake up from it. He was found by a roommate and taken to the hospital, where he passed away with me and my sister in the room.
Thank you for your concern and your rating, my friend,
Rhonda
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That is such a sad tale Rhonda.
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that's okay, he had his good side, too, and I believe it helped shape me into who I am. Thank you for your concerned comments!
Rhonda
Comment from scd41
Your poem is emotive and has a lesson for the readers. Addiction is not only bad for the addict but it ruins the entire family. When a person tries to drown his frustration in substances giving temporary relief, he gets into a trap from which escape is almost impossible. Before such situations gets out of hand, family and friends should try to rescue him from the 'fatal flaw'.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Your poem is emotive and has a lesson for the readers. Addiction is not only bad for the addict but it ruins the entire family. When a person tries to drown his frustration in substances giving temporary relief, he gets into a trap from which escape is almost impossible. Before such situations gets out of hand, family and friends should try to rescue him from the 'fatal flaw'.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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You are entirely right about intervention, and sometimes it works. Other times, the abuser doesn't listen to the advice and pressure of others, especially when they are helpless children. I spent countless hours talking to him, he went to AA so often they had him his own chair, and I can't count the number of times he was hospitalized after coming off of a drunk. I still loved him...do now, but you can only help people who want to be helped. He only did from time to time. Thanks for the review and comments,
Rhonda
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is so very sad. I have a family member who has pretty much destroyed his life and health through addiction. It is sad we do not see it as an illness and treat it, rather than incarcerating those with addictions. My heart hoes out to you, my friend. You have written a lovely poem about this sad plight~Debbie
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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This is so very sad. I have a family member who has pretty much destroyed his life and health through addiction. It is sad we do not see it as an illness and treat it, rather than incarcerating those with addictions. My heart hoes out to you, my friend. You have written a lovely poem about this sad plight~Debbie
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Debbie. This is a poem close to my heart, and it was one a long time in the making. Thanks for taking the time to review, my friend. Take care,
Rhonda