They saunter....
Shadows past.115 total reviews
Comment from evesayshi
A beautiful work in its rhyme and rhythm - expounding upon life's struggles and triumph - what a remarkable work of definition - the emotions we all face in our provocative journeys...
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
  |
A beautiful work in its rhyme and rhythm - expounding upon life's struggles and triumph - what a remarkable work of definition - the emotions we all face in our provocative journeys...
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
-
You are very welcome - my sincere pleasure...
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a lovely poem, Roy, just put your faith in God, and nothing can lay hold of your soul, except Him. I like the way you have written this, so different to any I have read before on this subject. You create a more meaningful poem, really lovely. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
This is a lovely poem, Roy, just put your faith in God, and nothing can lay hold of your soul, except Him. I like the way you have written this, so different to any I have read before on this subject. You create a more meaningful poem, really lovely. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much Sandra, for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
Comment from Majormajormajormajor
Roy,
You've always been very gracious in reading my stuff, a thankless task (often literally) amidst tangled knots and sour notes. But as a reprobate and apostate, I find this window into your faith heartening and honest. It speaks of faith not as a cure-all snake oil, a Stillnox or a highball with Tylenol pm that helps you sleep through the night. Instead it shows Christianity as focusing not on a rebirth so much as a new future - repentance instead of redemption. Redemption implies the coupons have been cashed in before their expiration date, whereas repentance is the recognition of past misdeeds and a commitment to the disciplined future in which one says they have the will to change themselves. There is no absolution, or wiping of the slate, or divine possession, but a willful recognition of past sins we would rather forget, and a commitment to dedicate one's behavior to the creed of the Nazarene; not "here, Jesus, you take the wheel," but the swearing of commitment to a new destination and means of travel - which makes the uncertain future an opportunity rather than a sentence. Christianity in this form I think has many laudable aspects, requiring an unflinching look at oneself, warts and all, and an assumption of the responsibility of agency, the danger but also the freedom to decide for oneself, with full knowledge of extant trespasses, and those who have trespassed against us, and the desires that will be roused by inevitable temptations. The bad dreams, guilt and shame are never described as leaving the speaker, they still blithely make their appearances as always. Only there is a refusal to be ruled or cowed or held hostage by the past. The speaker hasn't been redeemed, but is freed from the past by the idea that while there's life there's a chance to serve a new ideal - there's hope. There's the recognition that the past only has claim to consequences in the future, but how one reacts and acts around these.
The 8-6-8-6 stanzas, with their rhymes on the B and D of every ABCD stanza, echo the determined self-control of the speaker - while the enjambment, and natural, unstilted, conversational flow of the words of the make the poetic structure with the achievement of unforced musicality become a sort of iconic representation of the themes of the poem itself, the consistent structure made unrestrictive by the freely flowing and cogent words: freedom is governing and steering oneself toward something - not surrender to impulse and urges. Poems that concede the natural and clear expression of thoughts to the constraints of a fixed meter nullify themselves as works of art - no matter how much we wish allowances will be made for formal rules, they never are. The painstaking craft of constructing the illusion of authentic ease (authenticity - if you can fake that you've got it made) is what it is that a poet does - perfecting the slight details so that they will not obtrude on the reader, an alchemy that turns patent medicine into Coca-Cola.
I most admire the diction in this work. I will use that as the thread for the highlight real. In the first stanza, the use of the term "wraith" for ghost is significant (ghosts being part of the prompt.) "Wraith" has the specific meaning as a ghost that is a harbinger of the viewers own death. It thereby perfectly encapsulates the idea of memory's tyranny over the present and future. Also with it's arcane, antiquated usage, and silent first consonant, it's association of the immediate terror of seeing a ghost carries implicit reminders of ghosts', ergo memory's, eventual obsolescence. This is echoed again in the third stanza with it's allusion to Donne's lines that became Hemingway's title "For Whom The Bell Tolls," ie nobody is an island, in the sense that the death being signified by the peal of bells at the funeral you are not attending will affect you - as A. You have a connection with the deceased in your own eventual need to one day face death's well worn scythe - and they like you, knew that you knew that they knew that everyone knows about it too. No man is an island, and can't be quarantined from the knowledge of deaths universal limitation, that will be, and has been exacted on loved ones and acquaintances and one day on you. This deaths head sign is not meant to inspire futility, but urgency in the pursuit of advances for your fellow man, as there are limits to mortality, and sympathy is of no account to the rest of humanity, which will go on after we cease to exist, and deserve a contribution to the ease of their suffering during our brief time on the planet. "Wraith" can also be read in context for two meanings: A. Wraith composed of shadows, or B. A 'wraith" that signifies the coming death of 'shadow's blight." Similarly, the toning bell is also opened to dynamic meanings, by the use of "gong" in the final line of the stanza. This onomatopoetic term carries not only the actual sound in it's pronunciation, but has other shades of impermanence attached to it, ie cheap Chinese manufactured goods (working in China I take umbrage at my own assumption); the meaningless distraction of "The Gong Show," the hollow brass insignificant compared a bell forged in a mold that can be converted into the manufacture of large bore cannons, a bygone secluded and exotic Oriental society now completely remade in the western capitalistic image, and the impermanence of sound itself which the word imitates in it's pronunciation.
The careful diction is a universal stitch of which the fabric of the poem is comprised of. Jesus is described as "Heaven's Son" with the double entendre of "sun" in a the last stanza that carries light as a motif. However, the best usage in the last passage, is the clause "In God I trust." This phrase, deliberately invokes currency, which is a good metaphor for the ideas in the poem. Currency is covered in cocaine, and has a sordid past that we never really know about when we put it in our wallet. A bill is likely to have been in both a collection plate and a G-string many times while in circulation. Paper bills are in and of themselves useless (except for snorting cocaine), but they represent potential energy - the possession of means to do what you want in society. Like free will, dollar bills are as righteous or as reprehensible as their current user's aims. Like the human will, they are a completely amoral means to actions in the world - a measurable index of will. Currency becomes what you make it, an indeterminate means of the indeterminate future. The gambler , the broker, the consumer, and the philanthropist all gamble with "in God We Trust," but the true believer gives morally, in a policy unchanged by the vicissitudes of fortune. The phrase is a less a plea for a spree of good luck, than the prayer that through conscious-bound decisions they are helping to carry out God's will.
There are several other great word choices. I like the poet's refusal to make false claims for the speaker's fate. The ghosts still insouciantly appear in the present tense. Christianity, instead of giving a convert a new soul with a blank slate, and supplying a certain luck in risky events, is instead commitment to doing the right thing so as to please God, and "my commitment to God imbues all rapacious activities with divine sanction and reinforcement. A great expression of the responsibility involved in faith adherence as opposed to the servile submission of cults.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
 |
Roy,
You've always been very gracious in reading my stuff, a thankless task (often literally) amidst tangled knots and sour notes. But as a reprobate and apostate, I find this window into your faith heartening and honest. It speaks of faith not as a cure-all snake oil, a Stillnox or a highball with Tylenol pm that helps you sleep through the night. Instead it shows Christianity as focusing not on a rebirth so much as a new future - repentance instead of redemption. Redemption implies the coupons have been cashed in before their expiration date, whereas repentance is the recognition of past misdeeds and a commitment to the disciplined future in which one says they have the will to change themselves. There is no absolution, or wiping of the slate, or divine possession, but a willful recognition of past sins we would rather forget, and a commitment to dedicate one's behavior to the creed of the Nazarene; not "here, Jesus, you take the wheel," but the swearing of commitment to a new destination and means of travel - which makes the uncertain future an opportunity rather than a sentence. Christianity in this form I think has many laudable aspects, requiring an unflinching look at oneself, warts and all, and an assumption of the responsibility of agency, the danger but also the freedom to decide for oneself, with full knowledge of extant trespasses, and those who have trespassed against us, and the desires that will be roused by inevitable temptations. The bad dreams, guilt and shame are never described as leaving the speaker, they still blithely make their appearances as always. Only there is a refusal to be ruled or cowed or held hostage by the past. The speaker hasn't been redeemed, but is freed from the past by the idea that while there's life there's a chance to serve a new ideal - there's hope. There's the recognition that the past only has claim to consequences in the future, but how one reacts and acts around these.
The 8-6-8-6 stanzas, with their rhymes on the B and D of every ABCD stanza, echo the determined self-control of the speaker - while the enjambment, and natural, unstilted, conversational flow of the words of the make the poetic structure with the achievement of unforced musicality become a sort of iconic representation of the themes of the poem itself, the consistent structure made unrestrictive by the freely flowing and cogent words: freedom is governing and steering oneself toward something - not surrender to impulse and urges. Poems that concede the natural and clear expression of thoughts to the constraints of a fixed meter nullify themselves as works of art - no matter how much we wish allowances will be made for formal rules, they never are. The painstaking craft of constructing the illusion of authentic ease (authenticity - if you can fake that you've got it made) is what it is that a poet does - perfecting the slight details so that they will not obtrude on the reader, an alchemy that turns patent medicine into Coca-Cola.
I most admire the diction in this work. I will use that as the thread for the highlight real. In the first stanza, the use of the term "wraith" for ghost is significant (ghosts being part of the prompt.) "Wraith" has the specific meaning as a ghost that is a harbinger of the viewers own death. It thereby perfectly encapsulates the idea of memory's tyranny over the present and future. Also with it's arcane, antiquated usage, and silent first consonant, it's association of the immediate terror of seeing a ghost carries implicit reminders of ghosts', ergo memory's, eventual obsolescence. This is echoed again in the third stanza with it's allusion to Donne's lines that became Hemingway's title "For Whom The Bell Tolls," ie nobody is an island, in the sense that the death being signified by the peal of bells at the funeral you are not attending will affect you - as A. You have a connection with the deceased in your own eventual need to one day face death's well worn scythe - and they like you, knew that you knew that they knew that everyone knows about it too. No man is an island, and can't be quarantined from the knowledge of deaths universal limitation, that will be, and has been exacted on loved ones and acquaintances and one day on you. This deaths head sign is not meant to inspire futility, but urgency in the pursuit of advances for your fellow man, as there are limits to mortality, and sympathy is of no account to the rest of humanity, which will go on after we cease to exist, and deserve a contribution to the ease of their suffering during our brief time on the planet. "Wraith" can also be read in context for two meanings: A. Wraith composed of shadows, or B. A 'wraith" that signifies the coming death of 'shadow's blight." Similarly, the toning bell is also opened to dynamic meanings, by the use of "gong" in the final line of the stanza. This onomatopoetic term carries not only the actual sound in it's pronunciation, but has other shades of impermanence attached to it, ie cheap Chinese manufactured goods (working in China I take umbrage at my own assumption); the meaningless distraction of "The Gong Show," the hollow brass insignificant compared a bell forged in a mold that can be converted into the manufacture of large bore cannons, a bygone secluded and exotic Oriental society now completely remade in the western capitalistic image, and the impermanence of sound itself which the word imitates in it's pronunciation.
The careful diction is a universal stitch of which the fabric of the poem is comprised of. Jesus is described as "Heaven's Son" with the double entendre of "sun" in a the last stanza that carries light as a motif. However, the best usage in the last passage, is the clause "In God I trust." This phrase, deliberately invokes currency, which is a good metaphor for the ideas in the poem. Currency is covered in cocaine, and has a sordid past that we never really know about when we put it in our wallet. A bill is likely to have been in both a collection plate and a G-string many times while in circulation. Paper bills are in and of themselves useless (except for snorting cocaine), but they represent potential energy - the possession of means to do what you want in society. Like free will, dollar bills are as righteous or as reprehensible as their current user's aims. Like the human will, they are a completely amoral means to actions in the world - a measurable index of will. Currency becomes what you make it, an indeterminate means of the indeterminate future. The gambler , the broker, the consumer, and the philanthropist all gamble with "in God We Trust," but the true believer gives morally, in a policy unchanged by the vicissitudes of fortune. The phrase is a less a plea for a spree of good luck, than the prayer that through conscious-bound decisions they are helping to carry out God's will.
There are several other great word choices. I like the poet's refusal to make false claims for the speaker's fate. The ghosts still insouciantly appear in the present tense. Christianity, instead of giving a convert a new soul with a blank slate, and supplying a certain luck in risky events, is instead commitment to doing the right thing so as to please God, and "my commitment to God imbues all rapacious activities with divine sanction and reinforcement. A great expression of the responsibility involved in faith adherence as opposed to the servile submission of cults.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
-
I quite deliberately saved this to the last because it was many times longer than anything I've ever received before, quite often the reviews are a little Glib to say the least, I sometimes do the same for others! Your assumptions by enlarge are perfectly correct, my life's direction changed quite dramatically, but how much that depends on faith I'm not quite sure, what I am sure about, is that something changes in the heavenly realm, but not always experientially here, so what you get is the quintessential person remaining the same, but by an act of the will, circumstance changes, the outside appearance, but the core person doesn't. The change on the inside is more gradual, subsequently I am less certain now about some things, but far more certain of God, if that makes sense, He knows what we are, so we don't have to pretend to be anything else, than what we are, we can't take Him by surprise, I find I explain things better in poetry than I ever can when I'm confronted with the reality of this reply! I'm truly grateful for this very challenging review, it awakes me to a the question of what I believe. In gratitude Roy.
-
I find it edifying when I see writing that placed each word with consideration for both music and meaning. Praise is nice, but is mere etiquette without understanding: 'Have you lost weight? you look good..." Even C. Hitch. was respectful of the devotional impetus behind the ecclesiastical poetry of Herbert and Donne, and I admire the art you applied to your expression. It's worth more than "i liked it, or I didn't like it," it's worth commenting on "why I think it made me like it" if for know other reason so I can knock it off ;)
-
I am flattered you reviewed my humble poetic offering,
so thoroughly and searchingly. So thank you! But the thing I love about spiritual wisdom is the human eye is decidedly finite, so we can't observe through those eyes, it's wisdom requires eyes that see the unseen, "the foolishness of God, is greater than the wisdom of man!" Blessings, Roy.
-
I find it edifying when I see writing that placed each word with consideration for both music and meaning. Praise is nice, but is mere etiquette without understanding: 'Have you lost weight? you look good..." Even C. Hitch. was respectful of the devotional impetus behind the ecclesiastical poetry of Herbert and Donne, and I admire the art you applied to your expression. It's worth more than "i liked it, or I didn't like it," it's worth commenting on "why I think it made me like it" if for know other reason so I can knock it off ;)
-
Thank you so much, I much appreciate the sheer effort you applied to it. Roy.
-
I find it edifying when I see writing that placed each word with consideration for both music and meaning. Praise is nice, but is mere etiquette without understanding: 'Have you lost weight? you look good..." Even C. Hitch. was respectful of the devotional impetus behind the ecclesiastical poetry of Herbert and Donne, and I admire the art you applied to your expression. It's worth more than "i liked it, or I didn't like it," it's worth commenting on "why I think it made me like it" if for know other reason so I can knock it off ;)
-
Thank you,
Comment from Cedar
I really enjoyed reading your interpretation of "Ghosts."
Written with perfect rhyming, as usual. I think the last stanza is my favorite. Good luck in the contest. Bill
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
I really enjoyed reading your interpretation of "Ghosts."
Written with perfect rhyming, as usual. I think the last stanza is my favorite. Good luck in the contest. Bill
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much Bill, for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
Comment from pennedup
We all have our demons don't we dear friend, that can haunt and torment the mind and soul. This is a well executed write and strikes a cord in all of us I would determine. Faith is the healer.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
We all have our demons don't we dear friend, that can haunt and torment the mind and soul. This is a well executed write and strikes a cord in all of us I would determine. Faith is the healer.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
Comment from Michael Sundaresan
This is a really cool poem with dark imagery and different spirits. You write really well. Jesus was purported to have cast out evil spirits and Christ's appearance in the last stanza changes the tone, making this a poem of victory. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
This is a really cool poem with dark imagery and different spirits. You write really well. Jesus was purported to have cast out evil spirits and Christ's appearance in the last stanza changes the tone, making this a poem of victory. I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the future.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments, most uplifting words, I hope I don't disappoint, blessings, Roy.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from christianpowers
Well, that's very uplifting.
You managed to use new words and life into what I consider a tired theme of Fanstory poems, relying on faith to quell the demons of yesteryear.
I enjoyed your approach to it, leaving the faith at the end, like the answer to the problem you posed. Very nice.
Good job, my friend. And good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
Well, that's very uplifting.
You managed to use new words and life into what I consider a tired theme of Fanstory poems, relying on faith to quell the demons of yesteryear.
I enjoyed your approach to it, leaving the faith at the end, like the answer to the problem you posed. Very nice.
Good job, my friend. And good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for this really lovely review and uplifting comments, blessings. Roy.
Comment from emrpoems
excellent enjambment allowing words to flow from one line to another
Good use of abcb rhymes
Good use of alliteration- rubbed /raw/rasp, flight/fetid
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
excellent enjambment allowing words to flow from one line to another
Good use of abcb rhymes
Good use of alliteration- rubbed /raw/rasp, flight/fetid
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much Erica. for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is an excellent poem Roy but I don't think it follows the rules and may get disqualified. I is supposed to be about a particular ghost with a name... like Casper or the Canterberry Ghost. Maybe you could claim it is the Holy Ghost! LOL Well done. Hope it stays in the running! :<) Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
This is an excellent poem Roy but I don't think it follows the rules and may get disqualified. I is supposed to be about a particular ghost with a name... like Casper or the Canterberry Ghost. Maybe you could claim it is the Holy Ghost! LOL Well done. Hope it stays in the running! :<) Nancy
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Heh, heh, oh well thank you for this wonderful review and comments, my friend, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Mark Schardine
The thought that one's past sins can always remain a blot can torment anyone. It takes a great effort to accept forgiveness and let the torment end. Thank you for your thoughtful poem.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
|
The thought that one's past sins can always remain a blot can torment anyone. It takes a great effort to accept forgiveness and let the torment end. Thank you for your thoughtful poem.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
-
Thank you so much Mark, for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
