Pilgrims: A Cautionary Tale
We knew they would come, we just didn't know why.64 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Imagine our shock and surprise, [Just a fainthearted suggestion: I believe your tempo on this line would be improved with an addition of an "our" before surprise.]
Our poor Prez choked on both his balls. [Ouch! And, what are you trying to say here?]
"You can't be here, it's just not done," [In light of the previous line, I wonder that he could say anything!]
Ha-ha! Which brings to mind, did you see the Twilight Zone episode of "They Came To Serve."? Afternote: I should have read the Author Notes first. Yes, you got the right title for it.]
Your work is ALWAYS so entertaining.
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Imagine our shock and surprise, [Just a fainthearted suggestion: I believe your tempo on this line would be improved with an addition of an "our" before surprise.]
Our poor Prez choked on both his balls. [Ouch! And, what are you trying to say here?]
"You can't be here, it's just not done," [In light of the previous line, I wonder that he could say anything!]
Ha-ha! Which brings to mind, did you see the Twilight Zone episode of "They Came To Serve."? Afternote: I should have read the Author Notes first. Yes, you got the right title for it.]
Your work is ALWAYS so entertaining.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from nor84
Oh yeah, I thought Serling's tale might have been your inspiration, Dean.
Great job!
I didn't see spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors, and the graphics were great!
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Oh yeah, I thought Serling's tale might have been your inspiration, Dean.
Great job!
I didn't see spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors, and the graphics were great!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Dean,
I'll venture a guess that whatever we would do today, wouldn't be in the peoples best interest. Just sayin'.
Good ole 'Twilight Zone' and 'The Outer Limits'. They were pretty tame compared to Spielberg and Lucas!
Fun read.
Cheers & Blessing
Keep Smilin'... Jax
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Hi Dean,
I'll venture a guess that whatever we would do today, wouldn't be in the peoples best interest. Just sayin'.
Good ole 'Twilight Zone' and 'The Outer Limits'. They were pretty tame compared to Spielberg and Lucas!
Fun read.
Cheers & Blessing
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from boxergirl
You are the king of the artwork world. I love this presentation which helps set the tone of your alien poem. It read smoothly and make me chuckle when the pilgrims got into the white house, very clever. Good job! 8-)
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You are the king of the artwork world. I love this presentation which helps set the tone of your alien poem. It read smoothly and make me chuckle when the pilgrims got into the white house, very clever. Good job! 8-)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from DR DIP
I so remember the twilight zone..'DON't ADJUST YOUR SETS"...
you are now entering...THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
a bit like dips witching hour!
great read Deano!
as always, dip
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I so remember the twilight zone..'DON't ADJUST YOUR SETS"...
you are now entering...THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
a bit like dips witching hour!
great read Deano!
as always, dip
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from Andrewajgblue
This was really funny, and really entertaining, I always love your presentation and this was no exception, I loved the lines with the prez especially choking on his balls lol , loved it
Great fun,
Andrew
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This was really funny, and really entertaining, I always love your presentation and this was no exception, I loved the lines with the prez especially choking on his balls lol , loved it
Great fun,
Andrew
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
One of the big mysteries of life today. Do these Aliens really exist? Does the White House know? Was Marilyn murdered? Who killed The Kennedy's? Funny, They can put a man on the moon but not answer simple questions. Good story Dean. xsx Nancy
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One of the big mysteries of life today. Do these Aliens really exist? Does the White House know? Was Marilyn murdered? Who killed The Kennedy's? Funny, They can put a man on the moon but not answer simple questions. Good story Dean. xsx Nancy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from AAud
I love your inspiration - I had also seen that episode and recognized it even before I read your author's notes.
I have to agree! This was campy fun with lots of clever rhymes. Almost wet myself trying to picture a president choking on his balls. LOL
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I love your inspiration - I had also seen that episode and recognized it even before I read your author's notes.
I have to agree! This was campy fun with lots of clever rhymes. Almost wet myself trying to picture a president choking on his balls. LOL
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from Kaila Mari
A real enchanter! This horror, thriller poem, although funny, leads you down, (or is it up) a path of tingling spine, hair raising speculation. Food for thought; no pun intended! Hmmm, I wonder if all those ufo sightings are just a prelude for what's to come. I shall look up at the sky tonight with thoughts of just not how lovely is the moon. Great job; God bless!
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A real enchanter! This horror, thriller poem, although funny, leads you down, (or is it up) a path of tingling spine, hair raising speculation. Food for thought; no pun intended! Hmmm, I wonder if all those ufo sightings are just a prelude for what's to come. I shall look up at the sky tonight with thoughts of just not how lovely is the moon. Great job; God bless!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This is very tongue in cheek. I think with the inclusion of the aliens in the White House scene there is a political/satirical message. I found the visuals very intriguing, not scary! Well chosen rhymes and wording to convey your message. Most enjoyable read. Faye
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This is very tongue in cheek. I think with the inclusion of the aliens in the White House scene there is a political/satirical message. I found the visuals very intriguing, not scary! Well chosen rhymes and wording to convey your message. Most enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
