Comment from tbacha58

Excellent

My God Dean, this is typical you, to find an amazing 50 letter contest, that made my blood pressure bounce to the top.
Your story is a winner, no doubt of that. Hugs Terry xoxo
My six star from Montreal will shine on YOU, not the picture******************************

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ha, thanks so much, Terry my dear. As always, I am delighted by your kind review.

Hugs!!!


XXX
OOO

Dean

Comment from jgirlie152

Excellent

This is very different from the child's version, but totally interesting and startling. I like it.
Would you like to hear my version? something I wrote a long time ago, it was just fun, and apparently a female's version compared to your more horror one.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to lay upon the grass
When Jack took off his underpants
he got bitten on the ass

Well, Jill tried hard not to laugh
So just stared straight ahead,
Little did she know that
Her Jack would soon be dead.

They buried Jack upon that hill
And Jill wept tears of woe
What a way to end his days
And help the flowers grow.

Smile, Joan

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ha ha, that was good, Joan. So why on earth didn't you ever post it in my multi authored book on FanStory called, Twisted Faery Tales? I'm not too sure how long you've been a member, so maybe that was before you came to the site.

Great stuff! Thanks very kindly for the fun and entertaining review.

reply by jgirlie152 on 02-Jul-2014

i didn't mean to cut in on you, but couldn't help myself because we both wrote black verse on Jack and Jill. I guess I never came across your Twisted Faery Tales, or I certainly would have posted it.
JG

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

I may start another one just like it, just for kicks. Then you can post it there.

reply by jgirlie152 on 02-Jul-2014

I'd like that. Time for a little fun.

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

I'll see what I can...(wait for it)...Kuch up, Bwa-ha-ha-ha-aaaaaaa!

reply by jgirlie152 on 02-Jul-2014

you're just too funny. i'm so glad.
J

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

With gurgling sounds deep in an ancient well, I wouldn't be waiting around to see who or what popped out. My butt would be gone, leaving no more than poop and tennis shoes. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ah, c'mon, Ric. You'd just have to know, wouldn't you? I'm ashamed to say that I am the epitome of those stupid horror movie people. You know the types, the ones that always get killed for doing stupid things? I always go and check out strange sounds here at home. Everyone else is too afraid to.

Thanks for the great review, buddy. Much obliged!

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Ha! I love your sense of humor. Taking an innocent children's story and making it spooking! I have to say though now that I think about it... 8-)

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Yeah, right? I mean, all nursery rhymes are a bit creepy, don't you think, boxergirl?

Thanks for the encouraging review of this silly thing. I appreciate it!

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi Dean - Only you would take a simple little nursery rhyme and turn it into a horror story. I hope this is not what you read to your children at bedtime LOL. Good Luck and well done. Fond regards Dorothy x

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ha, nope, my children are 17 and 20, respectively. They're way past the reading of bedtime stories. They do love the kinds of things I write, though. My daughter, the seventeen-year-old, prints off everything that I write. She says when I'm gone, it'll be kind of like hearing me speak to her again. I like that about her.

Thanks for the encouraging review, Dorothy. Lots of great talent in this contest. I may be in a bit over me head, LOL.

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 02-Jul-2014

How sweet is that - your daughter sounds lovely. Keeping your poems printed off so she can read them when you're gone. That's a long way off!!! You won't be in the contest over your head. Good luck D

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Thanks, 'D'. She is a great kid. As far as me being over my head, I have done terribly in just about any contest I've been involved in lately. I just can't catch a break. Like the story of the month, for example. There was five minutes left to go before the contest ended, and Mike and I were all tied up at 20-20 votes a piece. I logged off, went to bed, then discovered I had lost by a single vote the next morning. How's that for luck?

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 02-Jul-2014

That's a shame! I came second in the Quatrain contest - but it came as a surprise as I had entered it so far ahead that I forgot about it - maybe that's the answer. Dorothy

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

But I thought he broke his crown? Yuck! Must be a lot of zombie brains spilling out. Just stay away from mother goose. And by the way, Humpty Dumpty was a suicide bomber.
Scrambled or sunny side up? Very clever, horrific take on Jack and Jill.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Uh-h-h-h... scrambled, rb, always scrambled. As far as poor Jack breaking his crown, well, that's just Jill's side of the story, what they want you to believe.

Thanks for the fun review, my friend, LOL.

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

there is only 49 words here!! would you like to buy a vowel or phone a friend? or just ask the audience.
you know the worst thing here Dean...You have just gone and recounted them!!! don't deny it!! lol

well done master splinter! well done!

as always your student, dip

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ha ha, I have, ten times! I knew when they sprang that "new math" program on us poor, unsuspecting school kids back in 1967 that there was going to be a problem, LOL.

Thanks, Dip. I'll look into it...again!

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Ah-h-h-h, but perhaps it is you,dear dip, that is mathematically challenged (unless you read this before Shelley Kaye got a hold of it, that is) Fifty words, exactly!

reply by DR DIP on 02-Jul-2014

just kidding its perfect! lol

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

See! You made me go and count 'em again, you scallywag ya'!........ :}

reply by DR DIP on 02-Jul-2014

exactly!! haha

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

actually, i had wondered what happened to jack and jill after their tumbles down the hill.... never thought of this though lol!

great story.... however, it's only 49 words. i counted. three times. 49. how about "the full pale moon"? or "jill approached slowly"? just a couple thoughts to add another word ;-)

thanx for sharing and good luck in the contest! :-)

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Oh, mercy. I thought I'd counted them correctly. Even the word counter below the editing box says fifty words. I'll have to add one, thank you, Shelley!

reply by shelley kaye on 02-Jul-2014

no problem! :-)

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

I was a very serious child and never like the poem Jack and Jill...it was to scary for me. I agree, I did wonder what happened to Jack. I don't think you response eases the scariness of this one...of course I have no doubt it wasn't meant to. Great work with this. I enjoyed it...but had to turn on the light after reading it.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

That's the best compliment a writer of horror can receive, Smurphgirlsasha. Thanks so much for your kind review. I've found that the majority of nursery rhymes have rather creepy elements. But, that's probably just me and how my mind works.

Comment from Linda Engel

Excellent

cool. jack , who knew.. she pushed him. I knew she did it. now he lives in the well. ( get her Jack) this was fun. good writing.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014

Thanks you very much, Linda. I'm glad you had a little fun with it. :)

Warmly,
Dean