Cold Metal
Homeless Veteran70 total reviews
Comment from ccto12
This is very touching to read. It is also an excellent commentary on how the very society who enjoys their freedoms and lifestyles due to these veterans are the same ones who show disdain when they encounter them in their homeless state. It is atrocious people should act this way towards these courageous citizens. When I read something of this nature I think "there but for the grace of God go I". Love the cleverness of the title "Cold Metal" Great write David.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
  |
This is very touching to read. It is also an excellent commentary on how the very society who enjoys their freedoms and lifestyles due to these veterans are the same ones who show disdain when they encounter them in their homeless state. It is atrocious people should act this way towards these courageous citizens. When I read something of this nature I think "there but for the grace of God go I". Love the cleverness of the title "Cold Metal" Great write David.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, my friend, for your insightful and excellent review. I really appreciate it.
Comment from kiwijenny
This deserves a six....it made the hair on my arms stand on end......coins..........orchestra of ricochets .......collecting coins and scorn.....I want to scoop him up in a thankful embrace to rock him ..
God bless there are tears in my eyes....never stop writing David
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
This deserves a six....it made the hair on my arms stand on end......coins..........orchestra of ricochets .......collecting coins and scorn.....I want to scoop him up in a thankful embrace to rock him ..
God bless there are tears in my eyes....never stop writing David
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, Jenny, for your wonderfully gratifying review!
Comment from Alan K Pease
I seem to remember that in WW ll they called PTSD shell shock, perhaps Viet Nam (battle fatigue) too. In the recent wars it has been called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with a suicide rate of 30% of vets returning from Iraq, and Afghanistan. I may be behind. Lots of suicides from WW 1,WWii, Korea, Viet Nam. Thanks for your thoughtful poem.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
I seem to remember that in WW ll they called PTSD shell shock, perhaps Viet Nam (battle fatigue) too. In the recent wars it has been called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with a suicide rate of 30% of vets returning from Iraq, and Afghanistan. I may be behind. Lots of suicides from WW 1,WWii, Korea, Viet Nam. Thanks for your thoughtful poem.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, Alan. The term 'thousand yard stare' is also prevalent, I believe.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the abacbc rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with him/dim...can/man. Good alliteration with families/fires...fade/frigid...trained/to...coffee/can...bloody/beach...Germans/gunned...salt/sting...collecting/coins. Good simile use with like the orchestra of ricochets. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
Good use of the abacbc rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with him/dim...can/man. Good alliteration with families/fires...fade/frigid...trained/to...coffee/can...bloody/beach...Germans/gunned...salt/sting...collecting/coins. Good simile use with like the orchestra of ricochets. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, RR. I appreciate it.
Comment from ennahanid
A virtual 6 and a 5 real deal. I have a rule for me - no crying on any day that ends with a 'Y'. This made me break the rule...very moving and a painful read...don't know what to say, got to go find a tissue - Dinah
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
A virtual 6 and a 5 real deal. I have a rule for me - no crying on any day that ends with a 'Y'. This made me break the rule...very moving and a painful read...don't know what to say, got to go find a tissue - Dinah
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
I'll gratefully accept your virtual sixer, my friend. Thank you, Dinah. Sorry to make you break the rule, but it's gratifying. :)
Comment from adewpearl
good alliteration in families and fires
and fade into frigid
excellent use of enjambment to keeps story flowing from line to line and stanza to stanza
good use of occasional rhyme
more good alliteration follows
I love the drop of the coins like the ricochets of the battles that destroyed his mind
a powerful closing to a stunning poem
I would give you a couple of sixes if I had any to give
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
good alliteration in families and fires
and fade into frigid
excellent use of enjambment to keeps story flowing from line to line and stanza to stanza
good use of occasional rhyme
more good alliteration follows
I love the drop of the coins like the ricochets of the battles that destroyed his mind
a powerful closing to a stunning poem
I would give you a couple of sixes if I had any to give
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, Brooke, for the great review and virtual sixer.
Comment from Norbanus
in '56 when I was young
and thought life had derailed.
I met a man who'd lived that beach
who's life had really failed.
With fifty-six deep body wounds,
his fate was so unkind
he came back home without the use
of body or of mind
But things got worse as you will see:
In winter, where to go?
Each Fall he'd do a minor crime
locked up to miss the snow
I've thought of him a thousand times
as year crept slowly by
But didn't find a thing to do
except sometimes to cry.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
 |
in '56 when I was young
and thought life had derailed.
I met a man who'd lived that beach
who's life had really failed.
With fifty-six deep body wounds,
his fate was so unkind
he came back home without the use
of body or of mind
But things got worse as you will see:
In winter, where to go?
Each Fall he'd do a minor crime
locked up to miss the snow
I've thought of him a thousand times
as year crept slowly by
But didn't find a thing to do
except sometimes to cry.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
My friend, I'm honored by the six, the review, and by your own contribution to the cause. Thank you.
Comment from closetpoetjester
An orchestra of ricochets echoed through this write as I read, D. The hiss and ping of metal never far away from this poor returned soldier's mind...to a point where it's driven him beyond sanity and now he is destined to a life on the streets...This was raw, real and palpable. Perfectly rhymed and as always a seamless read. Well done.
P
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
An orchestra of ricochets echoed through this write as I read, D. The hiss and ping of metal never far away from this poor returned soldier's mind...to a point where it's driven him beyond sanity and now he is destined to a life on the streets...This was raw, real and palpable. Perfectly rhymed and as always a seamless read. Well done.
P
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, gorgeous. I truly appreciate that, and I appreciate (and miss) you. One of those weeks where I"m only on for a little at a time.
-
I understand what "spread thin" means.
I'm barely a veneer myself at present.
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. This is a poem for all ages and all wars. The damage to the men is not just death. The Nam war lost almost as many to suicide as bullets, so they say, I do not know if this is true. But, it would not surprise me.
Also, nobody knew about PTSD, those poor soldiers were told they were crazy...when really it was the world...
I am going on a bit sorry.
I liked the poem, I liked the notes.
paduamchitta
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
Hello. This is a poem for all ages and all wars. The damage to the men is not just death. The Nam war lost almost as many to suicide as bullets, so they say, I do not know if this is true. But, it would not surprise me.
Also, nobody knew about PTSD, those poor soldiers were told they were crazy...when really it was the world...
I am going on a bit sorry.
I liked the poem, I liked the notes.
paduamchitta
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, my friend. It certainly can be represented by any and all.
Comment from Ben Colder
I know well the history. I am a vet and there are programs within the systems that will help today verses the day your Uncle made that statement. However, they did discriminate and cared less but have improved somewhat but still need overhauled. I go today to the VA for hearing loss. Thanks for sharing this nice write. Blessings
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
|
I know well the history. I am a vet and there are programs within the systems that will help today verses the day your Uncle made that statement. However, they did discriminate and cared less but have improved somewhat but still need overhauled. I go today to the VA for hearing loss. Thanks for sharing this nice write. Blessings
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
-
Thank you so much, Ben, and thank YOU for your service!