Silver Threads
A (modified) Shakespearean sonnet of cursed enchantment94 total reviews
Comment from MelReyn
I read this, average joe schmo with no real flair for poetry, unaware of the complexities behind it. I enjoyed it, but then I saw the note and I was blown away.
You make it look so easy! Mother of Pearl, that is a lot of rules to have adhere to. I don't think I would be able to come up with a single word, or anything that makes sense with such constraints. Wow! Awesome work!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I read this, average joe schmo with no real flair for poetry, unaware of the complexities behind it. I enjoyed it, but then I saw the note and I was blown away.
You make it look so easy! Mother of Pearl, that is a lot of rules to have adhere to. I don't think I would be able to come up with a single word, or anything that makes sense with such constraints. Wow! Awesome work!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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You make me blush, Mel. I'd never written a sonnet at all in my life until I came on to this site last year. I'd always left sonnets to Shakespeare or Donne et al. But once you master iambic pentameter and an ABAB rhyme scheme, the rest sort of unfolds upon itself, I find. So don't be scared of them! :))Sharyn
Comment from Gungalo
But with the captain's daughter you did lie,
betraying all sweet promises to me.
I cast my thread of silver to the sky,
and wailed, as chains of lightning set me free.
I bind you now, by cursed silver thread,
to lie with me, in ocean's blackest bed.
Aha, she will forever have her way. He's to lie with her forever at the bottom of the deep blue sea. Amazing write girl and a sonnet too.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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But with the captain's daughter you did lie,
betraying all sweet promises to me.
I cast my thread of silver to the sky,
and wailed, as chains of lightning set me free.
I bind you now, by cursed silver thread,
to lie with me, in ocean's blackest bed.
Aha, she will forever have her way. He's to lie with her forever at the bottom of the deep blue sea. Amazing write girl and a sonnet too.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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She will indeed, though not very sexy, hmm? Thx Pam! :)S
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LOL indeed.
Comment from tbacha58
You are a star, so beautiful are your words. I also felt like in a theater, watching the play. You have an outstanding flow of words. Of course you heard all those compliments all through your life, but I need to write that I am stunned. Terry
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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You are a star, so beautiful are your words. I also felt like in a theater, watching the play. You have an outstanding flow of words. Of course you heard all those compliments all through your life, but I need to write that I am stunned. Terry
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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aah, I guess you detect my theatrical background Terry, hmm? Actually, I only seriously started to write again a couple of years ago - and never any metered poetry until I started to play around on Fanstory! Of course, I had the basics from school - I did Speech & Drama as a Senior subject and was forced to analyze poetic forms ad infinitum ... so that's come in rather handy! So glad you enjoyed!
:)Sharyn
Comment from God's Writer
A very interesting poem my friend. I can imagine Shakespeare writing this poem himself. You have done a superb job with this sad but all to true story in poetry.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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A very interesting poem my friend. I can imagine Shakespeare writing this poem himself. You have done a superb job with this sad but all to true story in poetry.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thx so much Erick! :)Sharyn
Comment from Steve Pantazis
Ooh, I like this! You have created an instant classic, and a tale of warning for those unscrupulous rascals who dare mischief behind their ladies backs. Well done, m'lady.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Ooh, I like this! You have created an instant classic, and a tale of warning for those unscrupulous rascals who dare mischief behind their ladies backs. Well done, m'lady.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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And I accept your compliment, kind Sir! So glad you enjoyed! :))Sharyn
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Sigh, I love Sonnets. This one though English sounds like a Greek tragedy! You did a great job of enjambment and the peripeteia was just great, I also love the closing couplet. Very well written and explained. I wish more poets would take time to explain in the author notes. Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Sigh, I love Sonnets. This one though English sounds like a Greek tragedy! You did a great job of enjambment and the peripeteia was just great, I also love the closing couplet. Very well written and explained. I wish more poets would take time to explain in the author notes. Nancy
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Bless you, Nancy. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. I've learned so much on Fanstory - I'd never written any metered verse at all before coming here (well, I did, but it was SOOO BAD!) :) Sharyn
Comment from jobax
Your poetry is nonpareil ... if I may take the position that that at this level there are no gradations.
However, in addition, you remain a teacher, and a good one!
I love your use of 'enjambment' X2 which I knew of but without a specific name as a rhetorical construct!
A POWERFUL sonnet!!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Your poetry is nonpareil ... if I may take the position that that at this level there are no gradations.
However, in addition, you remain a teacher, and a good one!
I love your use of 'enjambment' X2 which I knew of but without a specific name as a rhetorical construct!
A POWERFUL sonnet!!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I'm blushing, John! I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, my dear. This was such a strange picture - it took me a while to come up with something suitable. I picked up my pencil yesterday and was actually doodling with something TOTALLY different, but I kept coming back to this. I've learned a LOT by being forced to practice on this web-site!
A huge 'mahalo' for your lovely six and all your encouragement. So much appreciated!
hugs
Sharyn
Comment from costellsgirl33
This was a very good poem! Very descriptive and I thought it was very sad. Sad but very good and well put together! I think you did a great job and the word play was lovely! Thank you
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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This was a very good poem! Very descriptive and I thought it was very sad. Sad but very good and well put together! I think you did a great job and the word play was lovely! Thank you
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Bless you my dear - so glad you enjoyed! :)Sharyn
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Thank you and bless you too! I did indeed enjoy your poem :-)
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
"to lie with me, in ocean's blackest bed."
CONSIDER:
"to lie with me, in Davy Jones's bed."
Wikipedia says:
Davy Jones' Locker, also Davy Jones's Locker, is an idiom for the bottom of the sea: the state of death among drowned sailors.[2] It is used as a euphemism for death at sea or consignment of one's remains to the bottom of the sea (to be sent to Davy Jones' Locker).
Other than that I loved the plot of a woman scorned.
Regards:
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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"to lie with me, in ocean's blackest bed."
CONSIDER:
"to lie with me, in Davy Jones's bed."
Wikipedia says:
Davy Jones' Locker, also Davy Jones's Locker, is an idiom for the bottom of the sea: the state of death among drowned sailors.[2] It is used as a euphemism for death at sea or consignment of one's remains to the bottom of the sea (to be sent to Davy Jones' Locker).
Other than that I loved the plot of a woman scorned.
Regards:
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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oh thank you for your suggestion, Stephen ... but introducing a man's name (Davy Jones) probably would make the reader think we had a three-way going dear! No, seriously, I had thought of that, but there's something just a little clichéd about DJ?? hmmm ... now you have me thinking about it ...
blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from JM daSilva
Wow, a poem for a cheater. I guess the lightning is what came out from all the emotion. Bolts of lightning hitting the cheater. You used the picture before, I don't remember the poem. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Wow, a poem for a cheater. I guess the lightning is what came out from all the emotion. Bolts of lightning hitting the cheater. You used the picture before, I don't remember the poem. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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nope - haven't used the pic before, Joe. It's a specific contest pic from Fanart - very strange pic it is, too! I'm sorry I've been lazy reviewing lately - I won some member dollars, so have been resting on my laurels, but I promise I'll get to your latest!
:)Sharyn
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Don't worry about that. Everybody has a day job. lol. I saw that picture before. That's why then.
