All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Beginnings and Endings"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
105 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Sharyn,
This is a lovely poem for the contest. Your rhyming pattern is strong, you have used good alliteration, each verse is well composed and the theme is superb. Well done and good luck in the contest. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Hi Sharyn,
This is a lovely poem for the contest. Your rhyming pattern is strong, you have used good alliteration, each verse is well composed and the theme is superb. Well done and good luck in the contest. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much chey - I'm delighted you enjoyed this one - one of my rare forays into metrical verse!
:))Sharyn
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
So summarily expressed to make it appreciable to be sung as a Waltz, message of life creation, the morality approach to living is well exposed, I liked the thematic capture of lyrical foundation. 4/623
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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So summarily expressed to make it appreciable to be sung as a Waltz, message of life creation, the morality approach to living is well exposed, I liked the thematic capture of lyrical foundation. 4/623
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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thx so much Al! :)S
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Sharyn my dear One you scared the hell out of me with your author notes. But I survived - even though my brain is rattling around in my skull this is an impressive write that has me gobsmacked. Fabulous from beginning to end.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck in this contest - you surely did amaze me with this work. Six stars cause wow:)
Maureen
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Sharyn my dear One you scared the hell out of me with your author notes. But I survived - even though my brain is rattling around in my skull this is an impressive write that has me gobsmacked. Fabulous from beginning to end.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck in this contest - you surely did amaze me with this work. Six stars cause wow:)
Maureen
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Wow, right back to you Maureen - I'm delighted! It's a piece that I've been meaning to write for ages - for a centerpiece to one of my monologues (I want to replace existing music so I don't have to pay a fortune in royalties to other people in order to perform MY play!) So this is one of the most important pieces in the whole show - or will be, if I can get the music right now! Thank you SO much for your lovely six my dear - I especially appreciate it coming from you!
:)Sharyn
Comment from wordsareus
I wish I could give you a six for this wonderfully written, thought-provoking poem that I can completely relate to. i think this could be a winner!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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I wish I could give you a six for this wonderfully written, thought-provoking poem that I can completely relate to. i think this could be a winner!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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oh bless you dear words! love it that you love it!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Cumbrianlass
This reminds me of one of my favourite songs from the Thomas Crown Affair - Windmills of my Mind.
I love the rhyming, the message, the questions you ask. Wonderful work, Sharyn. I like the 'waltz' beat. Perfect.
Av
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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This reminds me of one of my favourite songs from the Thomas Crown Affair - Windmills of my Mind.
I love the rhyming, the message, the questions you ask. Wonderful work, Sharyn. I like the 'waltz' beat. Perfect.
Av
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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oh how funny Av! THAT is the song I'm trying to replace! I use it in one of my monologues, "Snow", but realize that if I want to give a mainstream performance I'll be paying a fortune in royalties - so I wrote this one to use instead! Good ears!
:)))S
Comment from juliaSjames
This is a well-crafted and well-expressed poem. A waltz, huh? Certainly the imagery suits the swirling music, but I don't know about singing all these verses.
I love the melody of the lines as I read aloud - although I struggled with your explanation of the mixture of iamb and anapestic.
Smiled at your last line of the first verse. All my grandkids (4 and 2) do is ask why? They question everything.
Be that as it may, I concur totally with the last line of the write,
"beginnings and endings will never be real"
Good end rhymes as befits this type of contest. Read your notes about Australian pronunciation of sure and more. Good point. Regional accents should be taken into consideration in rhyme and in meter. Especially on an international site such as FS.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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This is a well-crafted and well-expressed poem. A waltz, huh? Certainly the imagery suits the swirling music, but I don't know about singing all these verses.
I love the melody of the lines as I read aloud - although I struggled with your explanation of the mixture of iamb and anapestic.
Smiled at your last line of the first verse. All my grandkids (4 and 2) do is ask why? They question everything.
Be that as it may, I concur totally with the last line of the write,
"beginnings and endings will never be real"
Good end rhymes as befits this type of contest. Read your notes about Australian pronunciation of sure and more. Good point. Regional accents should be taken into consideration in rhyme and in meter. Especially on an international site such as FS.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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I'd cut the verses down to 4, Julia, with a refrain between 2 and 3, and another after 4. No, I wouldn't want to bore everyone to death with all those verses either! And the lines are easy - the first foot or each line is an iambic, the rest are anapestic - or, if you prefer, say each line is started with one unstressed syllable (pyrric), followed by 3 anapests, then ending with one stressed syllable, a spondee. Take my word for it, it works :)))S
Comment from arunima girotra
This poem incorporates the entire understanding of life. It is very well depicting that how things change as we grow up.. Its a brilliant thought penned down.. Thanks for sharing it.. Take care!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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This poem incorporates the entire understanding of life. It is very well depicting that how things change as we grow up.. Its a brilliant thought penned down.. Thanks for sharing it.. Take care!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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thx so much arunima - what a beautiful name you have! :)Sharyn
Comment from Leineco
Wow....very nicely danced m'dear :-) The flow is excellent and feels 'violin-ish' (if you know what I mean), lending the poem an inspirational vibe.
I liked the change/weight of And wonder what happens 'tween first and last breath. ... deepening the symphony.
Nice job :-)
One quick thought S5-L4 is that line supposed to start with am instead of and?
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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Wow....very nicely danced m'dear :-) The flow is excellent and feels 'violin-ish' (if you know what I mean), lending the poem an inspirational vibe.
I liked the change/weight of And wonder what happens 'tween first and last breath. ... deepening the symphony.
Nice job :-)
One quick thought S5-L4 is that line supposed to start with am instead of and?
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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thx Leineco - very perceptive of you! That line was correct as written as the enjambment makes it one longer question, but I toyed with making it 2 questions, and actually went in and made it two, after your comment - and I like better. thx! :)))S
Comment from tbacha58
I loved the whole concept together, picture and words. Flowing in a beautiful way, relaxing although we will one day become ashes, the reality is honest. Loved it. A six star is so well deserved. Terry .
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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I loved the whole concept together, picture and words. Flowing in a beautiful way, relaxing although we will one day become ashes, the reality is honest. Loved it. A six star is so well deserved. Terry .
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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Thank y ou for your lovely six on this one Terry! :)Sharyn
Comment from DALLAS01
How gracious of you to add all of the informational notes. The difference between a child's simple acceptance and our, often morbid curiosity, seems to begin and end with the question: how does life affect (me?)
lots of food for thought.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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How gracious of you to add all of the informational notes. The difference between a child's simple acceptance and our, often morbid curiosity, seems to begin and end with the question: how does life affect (me?)
lots of food for thought.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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thx so much Dallas dear! :)Sharyn
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You're welcome. :.)