Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "It Can't Be!"A book of a mixture of stories
61 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Carol, what a complex story this old house ended up having - "haunted" by the woman who was forced to give her child away, inherited by the son she was made to abandon, given to him by the father who forced that decision on her - a story with mystery, some romance, a poignant family reunion - you certainly held my attention. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Carol, what a complex story this old house ended up having - "haunted" by the woman who was forced to give her child away, inherited by the son she was made to abandon, given to him by the father who forced that decision on her - a story with mystery, some romance, a poignant family reunion - you certainly held my attention. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Brooke,
I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story. This was one of those that owned me as I wrote it...Thank you for the generous comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from jadapenn
Hey Carol, I liked this story about the old haunted house. You built the story up well in the second scene when Will reaches the little town. Here all his inner conflict and emotions play out fully.
I loved the read.
Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Hey Carol, I liked this story about the old haunted house. You built the story up well in the second scene when Will reaches the little town. Here all his inner conflict and emotions play out fully.
I loved the read.
Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Jada,
Glad you enjoyed the story...My ghosts are quite as real a yours. LOL Appreciate the generous review. Smiles, CArol
Comment from patwannabe
Carol, this is marvelous. Thank you for entering the contest. I was hoping, by not having a word limit, would enable a writer to just GO with it. You have done that.
Your story answers a lot of questions, but brings up a few more, but I'll leave that to author (poetic) license.
I was enthralled. A true Carol-ism. Well done, pat
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Carol, this is marvelous. Thank you for entering the contest. I was hoping, by not having a word limit, would enable a writer to just GO with it. You have done that.
Your story answers a lot of questions, but brings up a few more, but I'll leave that to author (poetic) license.
I was enthralled. A true Carol-ism. Well done, pat
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Pat,
Wow...I appreciate the wonderful comments. I was so afraid that people would consider it too long but the story owned itself and I couldn't help but write it that way..I enjoyed the contest...Thank you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sherry S
wonderful, really wonderful
it was very moving, great descriptions and flow
it is a shoe-in to win.
I have two minor observations
one I think Backroads should be hyphenated back-roads i think it is used three times.
Addison is still hanging, you need to give Will some closer with her before he meets Kate, we know she was leaving for Chicago but they did not close the relationship.
She can tell him they will always be friends, that is universally know as so long we may never see each other again.
I think you can make edits right up until the dead line.
I loved it great story
Sherry
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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wonderful, really wonderful
it was very moving, great descriptions and flow
it is a shoe-in to win.
I have two minor observations
one I think Backroads should be hyphenated back-roads i think it is used three times.
Addison is still hanging, you need to give Will some closer with her before he meets Kate, we know she was leaving for Chicago but they did not close the relationship.
She can tell him they will always be friends, that is universally know as so long we may never see each other again.
I think you can make edits right up until the dead line.
I loved it great story
Sherry
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Sherry,
Yeah, I wondered how much I should add about Addison but I was so terrified of the length in one reading...some people really complain, but the story couldn't be shortened any. I'll take another look at it though and see if I can make some changes without adding too much. Thanks again...Carol
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I don't think it needs to be much more than a sentence or maybe you can revise so of the existing. I don't think the guys would even notice. but you made it seem like he was really in to her, and she decided it was not to be. but there was no finality which makes him seem a bit of a cad when he meets Kate. he-he just the old romantic in me I guess.
Sherry..
I took another look at the story and I thought these lines made it clear. What do you think? ...Sometimes, she imagined them being together forever, though Will had never indicated that he wanted anything more. They were best friends, but not lovers.
Thanks for helping...Carol
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I see it but I read the story twice and both time I had the sense she was hoping, maybe if you made it a bigger part of her decision to go to Chicago, then it closes
the door for us always hopeful girls
I don't know let me read it again.
Comment from RebelRose
getting around to (inpected) the place ... inspecting
pieces of broken china and silver ware (was) ... were
This is really good. You built up the suspense really well keeping my attention all the way through. Great contest entry.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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getting around to (inpected) the place ... inspecting
pieces of broken china and silver ware (was) ... were
This is really good. You built up the suspense really well keeping my attention all the way through. Great contest entry.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Patty,
Thanks so much for catching those errors and for the kind review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mrs Jones
It is a lovely story Carol and so interesting that the length did not detract. I did not even spot an error, so well done.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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It is a lovely story Carol and so interesting that the length did not detract. I did not even spot an error, so well done.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Rose,
Thank you so much for the kind review. Hope you are doing fine...
Smiles to you..Carol
Comment from misscookie
wow, what a story I got tears in my eyes
this is s tear-jerker for sure. this story really got to mt . i just can't tell you why right now. Your writting alway touches me.this is a good write.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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wow, what a story I got tears in my eyes
this is s tear-jerker for sure. this story really got to mt . i just can't tell you why right now. Your writting alway touches me.this is a good write.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Cookie,
I am so happy you enjoyed the story...I cried too! Thanks so much...Carol
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you take care my master mind.your welcome.
Comment from lola29
Carol, this is a wonderful story about someone who was adopted and didn't know it until later in life when he inherited the property. It's amazing how his mother was able to hide all those many years. Wonderful ending.
Sam continued to watch the back of (Will)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Carol, this is a wonderful story about someone who was adopted and didn't know it until later in life when he inherited the property. It's amazing how his mother was able to hide all those many years. Wonderful ending.
Sam continued to watch the back of (Will)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Lola,
Thanks for enjoying the story and for the kind comments. I appreciate it as always. Smiles, Carol
Comment from MABarrett
I never did understand the whole "long story" thing on internet sites. Are we really so impatient that we can only digest writing if it takes less than a minute to read? I liked your entry, even if it did take me a half of a cup of coffee to read. You've done a wonderful job with description and character development. I think its a very strong entry. Thank you for the chance to read it.
~M.A.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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I never did understand the whole "long story" thing on internet sites. Are we really so impatient that we can only digest writing if it takes less than a minute to read? I liked your entry, even if it did take me a half of a cup of coffee to read. You've done a wonderful job with description and character development. I think its a very strong entry. Thank you for the chance to read it.
~M.A.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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MA
Thank you so much. I got a strong scolding once when I wrote 3000 words so I was afraid...but I needed to be true to the story and it needed the buildup...Thank you so much for the encouragement. Smiles, Carol
Comment from jgirlie152
Yes, this is a long story, but certainly one worth reading. I enjoyed it very much, moving along with Will on his new adventure. I will wonder if he and Kate get togehter or if Addison will reenter his life, and if he will stay near his mother. Very well written.
Regards, Joan
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Yes, this is a long story, but certainly one worth reading. I enjoyed it very much, moving along with Will on his new adventure. I will wonder if he and Kate get togehter or if Addison will reenter his life, and if he will stay near his mother. Very well written.
Regards, Joan
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Joan,
Thank you uso much for the kind review and the encouragement. I am thrilled you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol