POEMS, SONGS AND NOTES
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Dreams Lost"When I dabble at things.....
83 total reviews
Comment from Razz
Beautifully written. Structure looks sound.
I'm sorry about how your daughter feels now, but in time she will come to realize something much more wonderful is in store for her.
Thanks for this beautiful writing.
Have a magical day.
Razz
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Beautifully written. Structure looks sound.
I'm sorry about how your daughter feels now, but in time she will come to realize something much more wonderful is in store for her.
Thanks for this beautiful writing.
Have a magical day.
Razz
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Razz They were high school sweethearts, have 2 children and now as she finishes college for a vet tech and turned 30...he decided to be a kid again. There is nothing I can do but be there for her. Thanks so much. Carol
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Carol, I am so very sorry for her. Some guys are just pure a-holes. Two kids. Some people just don't know how or want to be responsible adults.
I know it is a difficult situation, ...okay, it just sucks, but I still believe that somethin so much more beautiful is on its way to her.
And I know it sucks big time when you are not close (geographically)
My heart and prayers are with you both, and her kids.
Time is the only healer....and something brand new!
Have a blessed evening my friend.
Razz
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Carol, I hate the new 3-day rule of PMs, and now I'm worried I might be missing some good stuff! Haven't missed any of 'Jaded' have I?
This is brilliant (like that word ? :) how you have captured how sad it is when a marriage goes wrong. Such hopes and dreams only to be shattered! Very sad. Thank God for my Ellie.
John
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Carol, I hate the new 3-day rule of PMs, and now I'm worried I might be missing some good stuff! Haven't missed any of 'Jaded' have I?
This is brilliant (like that word ? :) how you have captured how sad it is when a marriage goes wrong. Such hopes and dreams only to be shattered! Very sad. Thank God for my Ellie.
John
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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John Amid several crisis in one week, Jaded unfortunately was shelved. I hope to repost and finish the story by the week end. This poem just popped into my head after talking with my daughter. Thanks for your continued interest. I truly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from Belinda
Bliss that changes all of a sudden to sorrow, especially to our loves ones, sometimes causes unbearable sadness. I remember several times crying with my daughter too, so I think I understand what prompts you to write this powerful poem, Carol. Short sentences, deep feeling!
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Bliss that changes all of a sudden to sorrow, especially to our loves ones, sometimes causes unbearable sadness. I remember several times crying with my daughter too, so I think I understand what prompts you to write this powerful poem, Carol. Short sentences, deep feeling!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Belinda She has been with him since they were 15...She turned 30 this year. They had two children and he doesn't want to grow up himself. She is almost finished with her college (vet tech) and he wants her to quit because she has to study at night...among other things. When he hit her...well, that was too much. Thanks for understanding. Carol
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I'm so sorry to hear that, but I think she is right to leave him!
Comment from Marathonwriter
Hi again,
I really liked how you used summer and winter. It's easy to be happy when flowers are blooming and the weather's warm but in the winter it's a struggle. I'm sorry for your daughter. I hope there's summer around the corner for her.
Chris
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Hi again,
I really liked how you used summer and winter. It's easy to be happy when flowers are blooming and the weather's warm but in the winter it's a struggle. I'm sorry for your daughter. I hope there's summer around the corner for her.
Chris
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Chris Things look pretty gloomy but I pray she can hold herself and the children together. Her family supports her every moment. Thank you so much for your kind words. Carol
Comment from L.lora
Good count, the message is well presented and leaves the reader to ponder what could have caused the chill, leaving often one to wonder how things can turn upside down so quickly and often without warning..no nits. Lora
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Good count, the message is well presented and leaves the reader to ponder what could have caused the chill, leaving often one to wonder how things can turn upside down so quickly and often without warning..no nits. Lora
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Lora One grew and went to college to better her family and the other chose a totally different route. Unfortunately, his temper escalated. Thanks for the kind words. Carol
Comment from Judian James
I'm so sorry to read this . I just went through this with a friend whose daughter called off her wedding days before the actual event. So excrutiatingly sad. This haiku says it all. well done
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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I'm so sorry to read this . I just went through this with a friend whose daughter called off her wedding days before the actual event. So excrutiatingly sad. This haiku says it all. well done
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Judian He was her highschool sweetheart. They have been a couple for 15 years. They have 2 children. When she decided to return to college to better herself and their family, he chose a totally different route. Thank you for your kind words. Carol
Comment from FredCollingwood
It's a pretty poem. Maybe it's just me, but how many syllables do you count in the last line? Traditional haiku don't favor upper case letters.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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It's a pretty poem. Maybe it's just me, but how many syllables do you count in the last line? Traditional haiku don't favor upper case letters.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Fred I certainly never claim to be a poet so I will take your word for that and change it. As for the count...I still counted 5. Thanks for your review. Carol
The hauku really doesn't limit syllables. It limits mora, or units of sound. They're mostly the same but occasionally different. Either way this is the syllable count I see:
1 2 3 4 5 6
hearts un a ble to mend
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Fred Thanks so much...I would be totally lost with out my poet friends. I should stick to writing stories...something I think I am reasonably good at. I have changed the last line to read hearts unmendable...I think that works!! Thanks again Carol
Comment from Stergios Palaras Jr
The comparassion drawn between summer and winter, wedding and sorrows could not have been more apropriate ... For some people, summer may have only existed once.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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The comparassion drawn between summer and winter, wedding and sorrows could not have been more apropriate ... For some people, summer may have only existed once.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Sterfios Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments very much. Carol
Comment from perunest
I hope your daughter's sorrow was
only a temporary storm on the matrimonial
sea. Your haiku is a straightforward
statement that sometimes this is not the case.
Thank you for sharing a timely piece. Carolyn
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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I hope your daughter's sorrow was
only a temporary storm on the matrimonial
sea. Your haiku is a straightforward
statement that sometimes this is not the case.
Thank you for sharing a timely piece. Carolyn
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Carolyn He was her high school sweetheart (15 years) After 2 children, she went back to college to be a vet tech and improve their quality of life...He didn't like it and chose the route of rage. Thank you for your kind words. Carol
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol...how sad for you daughter..But some things happen for a reason. Since this has the human element I would call it more of a senryu but I think they can be interchangeable. It's lovely...good luck in the contest...blessings....chey
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Hi Carol...how sad for you daughter..But some things happen for a reason. Since this has the human element I would call it more of a senryu but I think they can be interchangeable. It's lovely...good luck in the contest...blessings....chey
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Chey You know me...I don't ever claim to know the difference at all. The words just popped into my head and I wrote it after listening to my daughter cry on the other end of the telphone. Thanks for the kind review. Carol