Comment from davidray

Excellent

Hi 6teezkid
An enjoyable little number you've done here. It's so true about how much a simple little hug can pickj us up and give us a positive outlook on things.
Thanks for sharing.
David

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from AbigailDavid

Excellent

Hello, what a lovely work, it stands alone without the need of fancy publishing. I enjoyed its gentle flow and message also.

The only thing I noticed it minor and a stylistic choice, but if it was my poem, I would remove the conjunction. As this type of conjunction , 'and' and 'but' are not for sentence starting like others.

Example: (And-remove conjunction) (W)hen you are in need

Thanks for shairing your poetry, and it is nice to meet you in this work this moring. Hope you have a great time at FS while improving your writing.

Bye for now, your buddy, Abigal

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008

Abigail, I truly want to thank you for very generous review! But, also want you to know that I think you are absolutely right about the conjunction. I just re-read it and now I am going back to re-work it. I SO much appreciate your highlighting that, as it is a very important element! If you have time, have another read tomorrow. I will have it worked out by then. Yes, this site has been TREMENDOUS for encouragement and learning! Thrilled to be here. And very nice to meet you also. With warmest regards, Sue

reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008

Okay, I've read and re-read. If you don't mind, I would love your input.

The main reason I had used the "And" was because it totally emphasized that my reciprocity was there for him.

So, here is my thought:

Currently reads:

For only with your touch
Am I in this calm space
And when you are in need
I'm there with my embrace

If I take the "and" out, then my offer of reciprocity can hardly be felt because the 3rd and 4th lines (the reciprocity) cannot be distinguised/separated from the first two lines. See what I mean?




So, I thought perhaps this:

For only with your touch
Am I in this calm space
Then in your hour of need
Iā??m there with my embrace

Hmmmmmmmm.....maybe in order to separate that out, perhaps I should write another stanza. Not sure. Thanks to you, now I won't get any rest until I get that kink out!! HA!!!! LOL!!!

Comment from Pen&Ink

Excellent

Hi 6teezkid,

I like this poem a lot. I don't have any suggestions for you. As far as I'm concerned you've summed up security and serenity quite well. I like the way you conclude the poem by offering your embrace to another.

Ray

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008

Ray, thank you again for your very generous review of my work. I am happy you highlighted that you liked the conclusion. It feels just as good to comfort as to be comforted. Again, very much appreciated. Kind regards, Sue

Comment from puffnagel

Excellent

greetings:

this is a very enjoyable read. it flows
nicely and has excellent imagery. it is
extremely emotive, as well. so all the
bases have been covered. a stirring poem.
thanks for the read.

puff :-)

poste scriptum: i love your signature line

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from LadyMary

Excellent

A very powerful message, encouraging introspection in pursuing the avenue of life. How meaningful that gentle touch can be, and to be willing to lend it in return is invaluable. Well written and uplifting. LadyMary

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from Nightwind1

Excellent

This poem made me a little melancholic. My husband is out of the country for a month and I miss him so much. I can't wait for him to be home once again.

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2008

Oh my! I know the feeling. But aren't you blessed knowing that he will be back; and he is blessed to have you waiting for him! I want to thank you for your most generous review. So much appreciated. With warmest regards, Sue

Comment from The Unlikely author

Excellent

I am also new to the world of poetry this site drove me to try it. I enjoyed this piece, the words flowed nicely and it was filled with good descriptions, strong arms, a mind heavy with life's struggles. well done

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from JJJHHHH

Excellent

6teezkid


i just read another of your poems, and this one was great also. again you use great words, and a nice flow. thanks for the reads


james

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from Miska

Excellent

A lovely gentle poem showing how problems are more easily borne when there is someone to lean on. It flowed well and got the message across. Well done

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008

Comment from Jendowoz

Excellent

What a lovely thoughtful poem. Whomever this was written to should be very touched 6teez. A lovely feel to this poem and it reads so well. The rhythm is musical and it sounds wonderful when read aloud. It is a real moment in time this poem and a touching one at that.

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2008