How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Micro-Critting"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
97 total reviews
Comment from Peggy Nuckles
This work is perfect. I couldn't find one mistake. But, of course, you can't put out an essay on how to crit and then leave yourself open for crits. It is interesting and informative.
I can't help you but you sure helped me.
Thank you
Peggy
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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This work is perfect. I couldn't find one mistake. But, of course, you can't put out an essay on how to crit and then leave yourself open for crits. It is interesting and informative.
I can't help you but you sure helped me.
Thank you
Peggy
Comment Written 14-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Peggy, you should have been here for the first three crits. No matter how many times I edit and re-edit, tons of SPAG seep through. But -- WOWIE! I just realized you gave me a sixer! Bless you, my dear. You made my day.
Jay
Comment from simon_morris
Jay, you outdid yourself with this chapter. I'm going to take a shortcut. Instead of remarking on its strengths - there were no weaknesses - I am simply going to say the following:
Leave the fanstory copy as is.
In a separate file, alter this essay to eliminate references to fanstory.
Alter it to eliminate references to it being tied to other writings.
Add a footnote for Ravel Aorla so she gets credit where due.
Print up a brief query re this item.
Mention in the query that it is part of a series but each article is stand-alone on a variety of topics around the issue.
Place the query and the retooled article in a 9x12 envelope twice and send it to The Writer and Writer's Digest.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Jay, you outdid yourself with this chapter. I'm going to take a shortcut. Instead of remarking on its strengths - there were no weaknesses - I am simply going to say the following:
Leave the fanstory copy as is.
In a separate file, alter this essay to eliminate references to fanstory.
Alter it to eliminate references to it being tied to other writings.
Add a footnote for Ravel Aorla so she gets credit where due.
Print up a brief query re this item.
Mention in the query that it is part of a series but each article is stand-alone on a variety of topics around the issue.
Place the query and the retooled article in a 9x12 envelope twice and send it to The Writer and Writer's Digest.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Whoa! And Wow! I am stunned. I was expecting that this was going to be the one where you finally saw through me as a fraud, Milt. I struggled so much through this. Went through about 5 false starts and at last decided to post it and take my lashes. I'm astounded. I pasted your crit over to word. I'll take it home to look at away from this medium. Aw hell! I want to oggle over it with my wife. Thanks my good friend.
Jay
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Jay, I have found so many times that the pieces I feel are the worst are actually ones that readers make the most positive fuss over. We have no clue as to how to review ourselves. The most recent story I posted Number 2 Eberhard was one I never submitte anywhere. Kelly has been published twice and Handout City made it in a collewction of short stories. I felt this one was amateurish but the readers here picked up the contrapuntal dialogue and most of them picked up the method of cross conversations leading to both miscommunication and a lifelong relationship. One even did a psychological study of the two characters. As the last story of fifteen, I was told it is the strongest, not the weakest.
Your whole set has merit as a compendium but sometimes, the best way to get recognition from a publisher is to get a stand-alone piece published in a magazine.
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Milt, thanks for hanging in there and giving me the encouragement that, under most circumstances I would lap up, greedily. I'm going to force myself to hold back until I've completed two or three more chapters. That way, I'll be able to distance myself from this one to allow for a better perspective, and if I then send it out and some interest is shown for a fuller package (like my wife wishes I -- never mind) I'll be able to deliver (in even a way that would spread a smile on my wife's face. Bless you, friend, and thanks for caring.
Now, I'm going to ferret out your story. I missed it in my greed for the almighty member buck!
Jay
Comment from Granny Sandy
Jay. As usual, lots of great information presented in a very conversational way. On my first read, I found one questionable little nit but on a second read, I couldn't find it again so I guess that question was answered.
This chapter is going into my workbook along with all your previous ones.
Thanks for sharing your insights on critting. They make me take notice as a writer.
Fun read.
Sandy
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Jay. As usual, lots of great information presented in a very conversational way. On my first read, I found one questionable little nit but on a second read, I couldn't find it again so I guess that question was answered.
This chapter is going into my workbook along with all your previous ones.
Thanks for sharing your insights on critting. They make me take notice as a writer.
Fun read.
Sandy
Comment Written 14-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Sandy, my submission is not complete until I see a crit from Granny Sandy. Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from nor84
Oh, Jay, you've got formatting problems midway down. The Fanstory editor strikes again. Now this is really interesting. I'll have to go look up the rest of this book. Thanks, Jay.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Oh, Jay, you've got formatting problems midway down. The Fanstory editor strikes again. Now this is really interesting. I'll have to go look up the rest of this book. Thanks, Jay.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Thank you for the heads up. However. I have gone through the edit, re-edit, throw- up-my-hands-and-kick-the-computer edit, but no fix. I decided to leave it alone before it starts looking like a Salvador Dali melting clock.
Jay
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Keep writing. I'm especially interested in the micro-crittering part. Usually, when I see something atrocious, I skip it. Some people even give that a 5 star review, just to get their member money.
Comment from Mzhurst
So many writers leave the ending of short stories, dangling. I have to have closure. LOL Another good chapter to add to this book. Good writing.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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So many writers leave the ending of short stories, dangling. I have to have closure. LOL Another good chapter to add to this book. Good writing.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2006
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I admire your work and appreciate your confidence in me. Thanks again...
Jay
Comment from zenzippy
I have to give you a six star crit (am I using that non-word correctly?) because I see the little trick you're playing. You're trying to teach us how to crit properly, but what you're actually doing is teaching us how to write better. Ah, very clever.
Of course, I can't give feedback on the punctuation and grammar, mainly because it looked good to me, but also because you are an obvious professional, and I, a struggling newbie who has worlds, larger than ours, to learn.
It is so very strange to me how different "critters" have such different perspectives on one's writing. For example, you enjoyed my Chapter 4 of "The Warriors of Zen Land", while another reviewer said it was too short. He wrote, "Great. Things are happening, the dugout, the suspense. It's not one scene from a movie. It's a chapter in a book. Draw it out, add a scene, something he saw while he was running, maybe smelled, even a bottle cap shining in the light, what was in the dugout, what about the dugout? Any history there? Keep setting the scene and intermingling it with suspense, so when the end comes, with the train, then you've got a picture in the reader's eye."
So my question to you is did you feel the same way when you read the chapter?
And on a similar note, my earlier chapters have a lot more narration and description, which some critters seemed to appreciate, but others seemed to abhor.
I'm sorry to take a crit of your work and turn it into a question about mine, but so far, you seem to be the most qualified intellect on this entire Fanstory site. And at the moment, I'm very confused about the amount of description that is necessary and readable, vs. the amount of description that is ponderous and needs omitting. If, somehow, you can find the time in your heart, would you mind reading Chapter One to let me know how it works as an opening for you?
I don't know the etiquette of begging for a review on more than one chapter of a person's book, but if it is not too disdainful an act, then I'm begging you. I can't think of anyone who's opinion I'd value more at this time.
And if it is too disdainful an act, then "up yours". Okay, I'm just kidding. I threw that last part in just so you'd know I'm not just trying to brown-nose.
Respectfully, Zenzippy.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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I have to give you a six star crit (am I using that non-word correctly?) because I see the little trick you're playing. You're trying to teach us how to crit properly, but what you're actually doing is teaching us how to write better. Ah, very clever.
Of course, I can't give feedback on the punctuation and grammar, mainly because it looked good to me, but also because you are an obvious professional, and I, a struggling newbie who has worlds, larger than ours, to learn.
It is so very strange to me how different "critters" have such different perspectives on one's writing. For example, you enjoyed my Chapter 4 of "The Warriors of Zen Land", while another reviewer said it was too short. He wrote, "Great. Things are happening, the dugout, the suspense. It's not one scene from a movie. It's a chapter in a book. Draw it out, add a scene, something he saw while he was running, maybe smelled, even a bottle cap shining in the light, what was in the dugout, what about the dugout? Any history there? Keep setting the scene and intermingling it with suspense, so when the end comes, with the train, then you've got a picture in the reader's eye."
So my question to you is did you feel the same way when you read the chapter?
And on a similar note, my earlier chapters have a lot more narration and description, which some critters seemed to appreciate, but others seemed to abhor.
I'm sorry to take a crit of your work and turn it into a question about mine, but so far, you seem to be the most qualified intellect on this entire Fanstory site. And at the moment, I'm very confused about the amount of description that is necessary and readable, vs. the amount of description that is ponderous and needs omitting. If, somehow, you can find the time in your heart, would you mind reading Chapter One to let me know how it works as an opening for you?
I don't know the etiquette of begging for a review on more than one chapter of a person's book, but if it is not too disdainful an act, then I'm begging you. I can't think of anyone who's opinion I'd value more at this time.
And if it is too disdainful an act, then "up yours". Okay, I'm just kidding. I threw that last part in just so you'd know I'm not just trying to brown-nose.
Respectfully, Zenzippy.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
Certainly it's worth listened to what that other (or those others) said about the train track scene or the one in the dug out. While I'm not a minimalist, I don't like a lot of gratuitous description in the midst of action. If you can keep the movement going while giving the reader a strong sense of place, sure, why not. Bottle cap! Bull shit! Unless the glitter blinded you, took you back to a salient memory of something relevant to your present action, or tripping over the cap made you fall ... it is gratuitous. It's all in the balance. Now let me take a look at chapter one. Thank you again for the 6 star rating.
Jay
Comment from 24chas
You sure did a great job of selling this chapter. I dove right in and made it to the end. This was very well written and you make great points.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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You sure did a great job of selling this chapter. I dove right in and made it to the end. This was very well written and you make great points.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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Thank you so much for your kindness 24chas. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully, you'll be able to use it for your critting and writing. I would welcome you aboard for the rest of the series, if you've a mind to.
Jay
Comment from IamSpook
Hello jaysquires
This was very well written. I noticed that you were able to make the reader relate with you with your illustrations. That is very important. Very well done.
I did laugh out loud, at work, when I hit this part:
I say, let us go pee.
Best regards,
Mark
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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Hello jaysquires
This was very well written. I noticed that you were able to make the reader relate with you with your illustrations. That is very important. Very well done.
I did laugh out loud, at work, when I hit this part:
I say, let us go pee.
Best regards,
Mark
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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Thank you so much, Mark, for your kind words. I struggled with this particular chapter. The preceding ones seemed to write themselves. Anyway, I hope to have you aboard for the next one (s). Thanks again.
Jay
Comment from sandramarie
I enjoyed reading this chapter, Jay. It was helpful, informative,
entertaining and interesting. You also got me interested in reading
'Derrick Jangoral: Magical Mormon, by Raven Aorla. ;-)
Take care,
Sandy
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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I enjoyed reading this chapter, Jay. It was helpful, informative,
entertaining and interesting. You also got me interested in reading
'Derrick Jangoral: Magical Mormon, by Raven Aorla. ;-)
Take care,
Sandy
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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Sandy, thank you so much for your kind comments. Do read Raven. You'll find her a true talent (and she's still in high school). I can't say enough good things about her. PM me with your thoughts about her, okay?
Jay
Comment from Raven Vlad
Kudos, first of all, for following your own rules about hooking with the title and opening paragraph, following through, and then leaving some open doors with the ending of the chapter. I'm a huge Cheshire Cat fan, so you definitely grabbed me with a good hook there. The example of ending badly, with the protagonist cut in two with a machete and the reader not caring about either half, was simply priceless, and extra kudos for using the term "comprise" properly (butchery of that particular word is one of my pet peeves).
In terms of content itself, I agree 100% with everything you have to say, both as a reader and as a writer, and you say it very well, with excellent examples, logical layout, and great wording. I will most definitely have to put this one on my bookshelf, both to catch up on what I've missed and for future reading enjoyment.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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Kudos, first of all, for following your own rules about hooking with the title and opening paragraph, following through, and then leaving some open doors with the ending of the chapter. I'm a huge Cheshire Cat fan, so you definitely grabbed me with a good hook there. The example of ending badly, with the protagonist cut in two with a machete and the reader not caring about either half, was simply priceless, and extra kudos for using the term "comprise" properly (butchery of that particular word is one of my pet peeves).
In terms of content itself, I agree 100% with everything you have to say, both as a reader and as a writer, and you say it very well, with excellent examples, logical layout, and great wording. I will most definitely have to put this one on my bookshelf, both to catch up on what I've missed and for future reading enjoyment.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2006
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At the risk of rewarding good with great, you've given me such a close read and your impressions of the content touched so fully on all aspects of it... that I'd be remiss not to give you a "thumbs up". Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Jay