Contest Collage
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "cumulus clouds - haiku"keep your hope alive....
54 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this Haiku contest entry with us. When I read your Haiku it seems so effortless. I am pretty sure it's not, but it seems that way. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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Thank you for sharing this Haiku contest entry with us. When I read your Haiku it seems so effortless. I am pretty sure it's not, but it seems that way. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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thank you barbara! ❤️🖊️🌥️🙂
Comment from Jay Squires
The three lines here create a fine visual image of the clouds blocking the sun and creating the "shady respite". The only thing I would warn you against is setting apart those last two words with fancy dashes, since the rules stipulate no punctuation. My experience is that when the contest originator places such restraints on the structure, it is because they want the focus to be on the words alone, and the image they conjure. For that reason, Michelle, I'd remove all unnecessary "flash", including the different coloring of "bright". But that's just me. Accept or reject my suggestion, your poem remains well-written and evocative. Good luck in the contest.
Jay
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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The three lines here create a fine visual image of the clouds blocking the sun and creating the "shady respite". The only thing I would warn you against is setting apart those last two words with fancy dashes, since the rules stipulate no punctuation. My experience is that when the contest originator places such restraints on the structure, it is because they want the focus to be on the words alone, and the image they conjure. For that reason, Michelle, I'd remove all unnecessary "flash", including the different coloring of "bright". But that's just me. Accept or reject my suggestion, your poem remains well-written and evocative. Good luck in the contest.
Jay
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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took out one of the dashes and tweaked it a little. thank you jay 🌥️❤️🖊️🙂👍
Comment from Alyssa Wilson
This is an excellent work! I love your idea of the cloud being a daytime star. If I am correct, haikus are traditionally written about nature? Very nice piece. Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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This is an excellent work! I love your idea of the cloud being a daytime star. If I am correct, haikus are traditionally written about nature? Very nice piece. Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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yup! you are correct!👍 thank you alyssa 🌥️😊❤️🖊️
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is well-presented, Shelley.
Your words are descriptive and paint a picture
for readers. Great job with alliteration of b and c.
I like the satori, too.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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Your contest entry is well-presented, Shelley.
Your words are descriptive and paint a picture
for readers. Great job with alliteration of b and c.
I like the satori, too.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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thank you jan 👍🌥️😊❤️🖊️