Haiku (I Woke to a World)
Haiku53 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
Beautiful description of the magic of a being submerged in a misty morning.. Subtle metaphor enchants the reader.."liquid sun" is a stroke of genius. Perfect description of the watery light. You are a poet with an artistic eye Melissa.
"an sea" - " a sea"
I'm not a fan of contractions in poetry. One of my little quirks. So I wonder if you can find a replacement for 'neath?
This haiku brings to mind waking in my university room in Jamaica to see clouds drifting outside my window. Unforgettable!
Good luck in the contest
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Beautiful description of the magic of a being submerged in a misty morning.. Subtle metaphor enchants the reader.."liquid sun" is a stroke of genius. Perfect description of the watery light. You are a poet with an artistic eye Melissa.
"an sea" - " a sea"
I'm not a fan of contractions in poetry. One of my little quirks. So I wonder if you can find a replacement for 'neath?
This haiku brings to mind waking in my university room in Jamaica to see clouds drifting outside my window. Unforgettable!
Good luck in the contest
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you Julia. I will work on that last line. :)
Melissa
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a delicate Haiku that makes for an enjoyable read. It makes me think about syntax, as I would be adrift on a sea. In a sea makes me think of drowning, not drifting. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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This is a delicate Haiku that makes for an enjoyable read. It makes me think about syntax, as I would be adrift on a sea. In a sea makes me think of drowning, not drifting. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hi Katherine. Thanks so very much!! Hope you are having a lovely day today!
Melissa
Comment from irishauthorme
Great imagery!
You captured the wonder of waking to a different world, shrouded in mystery, and the 'liquid sun,' a unique description of what the sun looks like, floating in the morning mist.
Very original work!
irish
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Great imagery!
You captured the wonder of waking to a different world, shrouded in mystery, and the 'liquid sun,' a unique description of what the sun looks like, floating in the morning mist.
Very original work!
irish
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hello Irish... thanks so very much for your lovely comments!!
Melissa