To Mend This Broken Land
A Shakespearean sonnet for these times ...54 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
The sentiments expressed in your well constructed sonnet show a genuine desire to understand the current divisions and to offer healing, especially in these lines: "If only I could walk with you a piece,
And truly come to know what shapes your world,
Our commonality would then increase ~
A brotherhood of dignity unfurled."
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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The sentiments expressed in your well constructed sonnet show a genuine desire to understand the current divisions and to offer healing, especially in these lines: "If only I could walk with you a piece,
And truly come to know what shapes your world,
Our commonality would then increase ~
A brotherhood of dignity unfurled."
Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Lisa!
We can only hope!
Wishing you a beautiful week!
diane
Comment from royowen
Well done Diane, I think the only thing we can do these days is pray for our own countries at the moment, we've not really had a huge problem with the virus, our biggest danger is ex-pats returning from overseas. A beautifully written sonnet my friend, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Well done Diane, I think the only thing we can do these days is pray for our own countries at the moment, we've not really had a huge problem with the virus, our biggest danger is ex-pats returning from overseas. A beautifully written sonnet my friend, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Roy!
I agree with your perspective!
thank you!
diane
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Well done
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mrs. KT
The country is divided, no doubt about it. I commend you for wanting to write words that will turn things around.
I find sonnets are so hard to write. That extra foot is almost too much. I won't even try it.
You do very well through most of the poem. The lines with ending rhymes, "firm/infirmed", need work though.
"To break the grip dark hatred holds so firm,
And wash away the crippling voice of fear
That seeps into the souls of lives infirmed."
If the sonnet form didn't leave my head spinning, I'd take a stab at it.
Also,
"That in the dark of night (does hold) no ken" ... ( "does hold" is forced. I suggest, perhaps,
That in the dark of night retains no ken)
My favorite lines,
"Our commonality would then increase ~
A brotherhood of dignity unfurled."
The election has left the country in a quandary, I'm afraid. I wish it hadn't been so close.
Cheers,
Kimbob
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reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Hi Mrs. KT
The country is divided, no doubt about it. I commend you for wanting to write words that will turn things around.
I find sonnets are so hard to write. That extra foot is almost too much. I won't even try it.
You do very well through most of the poem. The lines with ending rhymes, "firm/infirmed", need work though.
"To break the grip dark hatred holds so firm,
And wash away the crippling voice of fear
That seeps into the souls of lives infirmed."
If the sonnet form didn't leave my head spinning, I'd take a stab at it.
Also,
"That in the dark of night (does hold) no ken" ... ( "does hold" is forced. I suggest, perhaps,
That in the dark of night retains no ken)
My favorite lines,
"Our commonality would then increase ~
A brotherhood of dignity unfurled."
The election has left the country in a quandary, I'm afraid. I wish it hadn't been so close.
Cheers,
Kimbob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Thanks for stopping by, Kimbob!
Thank you also for your perspective; I made few adjustments.
As for the election, we'll see what happens ... :)
diane
Comment from Wendy G
Wow! I really enjoyed this piece, written from the heart and with sadness, but if more people felt the same as you, there would be genuine hope of healing. Well written.
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reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Wow! I really enjoyed this piece, written from the heart and with sadness, but if more people felt the same as you, there would be genuine hope of healing. Well written.
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Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Hello Wendy!
So pleased my words resonated with you!
thank you!
diane
