The Diner
best place in town46 total reviews
Comment from amada
This story kept my attention all the way through. I like how you paint your characters, so well in soul and in clothes. It brought me back to my old coffee shop...I enjoyed it the humanity of the characters, so close to real life.
  |
This story kept my attention all the way through. I like how you paint your characters, so well in soul and in clothes. It brought me back to my old coffee shop...I enjoyed it the humanity of the characters, so close to real life.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from AnnieDawn
This is a realistic scene very well described so that the reader is able to picture the events in order with ease at reading. I have one suggestion for a word change at the end of this review. Otherwise, it is perfect. Great job.
It was swelting work... ("sweltering" might fit better)
 |
This is a realistic scene very well described so that the reader is able to picture the events in order with ease at reading. I have one suggestion for a word change at the end of this review. Otherwise, it is perfect. Great job.
It was swelting work... ("sweltering" might fit better)
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like and have enjoyed the story, the description of the best place in town, good plot development, realistic and contributory dialogues, there is no space in between paragraphs and the entire work appears a run-on sentences; good beginning and ending, if not catchy; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
|
I like and have enjoyed the story, the description of the best place in town, good plot development, realistic and contributory dialogues, there is no space in between paragraphs and the entire work appears a run-on sentences; good beginning and ending, if not catchy; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story from the victim's point of view who just working hard to make a decent living and his regular customers who support his successful business until rioters destroy their lives in a few minutes.
|
A very well-written story from the victim's point of view who just working hard to make a decent living and his regular customers who support his successful business until rioters destroy their lives in a few minutes.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from LisaMay
You've caught the drama of this scene well, having peopled it with customers and humanising them with details of their lives and backstories, showing the impact of mob behaviour on individuals.
Correction in first para:
The dinner(diner) didn't serve herbal tea,
Comment:
then rolling it up and eating with aplomb. (the word "aplomb", because it is close to other mention of food, makes me think of "a plum" - perhaps it could be "poise" or "self-possession".)
blood coursed over her once beautiful skin.. (delete one of the full stops)
financial Times needs a cap "F".
He stared in disbelieve (disbelief)
|
You've caught the drama of this scene well, having peopled it with customers and humanising them with details of their lives and backstories, showing the impact of mob behaviour on individuals.
Correction in first para:
The dinner(diner) didn't serve herbal tea,
Comment:
then rolling it up and eating with aplomb. (the word "aplomb", because it is close to other mention of food, makes me think of "a plum" - perhaps it could be "poise" or "self-possession".)
blood coursed over her once beautiful skin.. (delete one of the full stops)
financial Times needs a cap "F".
He stared in disbelieve (disbelief)
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was real! How many people have lived through this, some surviving with nightmares; some surviving, but badly scarred, and some dead. This is the times we are living in. Those ordinary people, doing their everyday things, don't realise they are about the have their lives changed forever. This is so well told, Garath, so real. Well done! Nice to see you on here again. :)) Sandra xxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
That was real! How many people have lived through this, some surviving with nightmares; some surviving, but badly scarred, and some dead. This is the times we are living in. Those ordinary people, doing their everyday things, don't realise they are about the have their lives changed forever. This is so well told, Garath, so real. Well done! Nice to see you on here again. :)) Sandra xxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020