Chip's Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Discomfort Zone"FanStory Collection
102 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Expressive. Well rhymed. Well presented. Hits the mark in meaning. Fine consonance of T sounds as well as alliteration of D. Good word economy and flow. True to form. A fine entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
  |
Expressive. Well rhymed. Well presented. Hits the mark in meaning. Fine consonance of T sounds as well as alliteration of D. Good word economy and flow. True to form. A fine entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thank you, Rami.
Comment from Six-Star Writer
Nice meter and message--even though I don't think it is completely achievable. I've heard the "don't fear" thing all my life, but I know humans, and they are always going to afraid of something--no matter what they say or do.
For some reason, in my later years (this wasn't the case when I was younger), I have acquired an entire litany of fears, including:
--bears
--heights
--snakes
--homelessness
--incarceration
--most insects
--being on large bodies of water (or driving over them)
--unemployment
--being alone the rest of my life
--having my ass kicked
--diseases
--running out of money
and death,
but I'm sure there are more.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Nice meter and message--even though I don't think it is completely achievable. I've heard the "don't fear" thing all my life, but I know humans, and they are always going to afraid of something--no matter what they say or do.
For some reason, in my later years (this wasn't the case when I was younger), I have acquired an entire litany of fears, including:
--bears
--heights
--snakes
--homelessness
--incarceration
--most insects
--being on large bodies of water (or driving over them)
--unemployment
--being alone the rest of my life
--having my ass kicked
--diseases
--running out of money
and death,
but I'm sure there are more.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Write, let's hope the list gets shorter over time;^) And don't confuse fear with dislike or aversion. Thanks for the review!
-
Oh, I don't confuse things like that; I'm creative genius.
Comment from JanPerry
Welcome to this site. I'm the dumb one! Ha.
"stomp on your fear and dance when it's dead."
Fear certainly comes back to haunt you again. I like the ideas expressed and your thoughts of wisdom as you trek out into the wilderness. Perhaps tell us about your adventures out there. Thanks.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Welcome to this site. I'm the dumb one! Ha.
"stomp on your fear and dance when it's dead."
Fear certainly comes back to haunt you again. I like the ideas expressed and your thoughts of wisdom as you trek out into the wilderness. Perhaps tell us about your adventures out there. Thanks.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thanks, Jan! For me, writing is an adventure. I'm hoping my back injury heals and I can try my hand a skiing again next winter, it's been over 20 years.
-
Oh, skiing is especially adventurous. 20 years is a long time, surely your back is on the mend now.
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hi, I don't dish out meaningless five after five like so many here, but I happily part with a five star rating for this succinct poem that says so much. We are prone to be paralysed by fear and we shouldn't be. It is appointed once for man to die within Christianity, so we must make every moment count.
Your rhyming was unforced and I noticed no errors, just a nicely published poem with a great message for everyone of every generation. Thanks for sharing your work and allowing members like me who aren't fully paid up, to read your work. I can tell you now that if you scroll down people's reviews, you will see empty five star ratings from friends, and while that is nice, it isn't making this a very literary site, and that is the reason I don't write here, just read, because so many people mute you if you give an honest review with less than a five star rating. I have seen poems with grammatical errors get five stars, so I encourage you to be honest if you review as well as write, because you will get more from the four or three star review than a meaningless fiver between friends. It is a blight here at FS. There are only two ratings for most of these amateur writers, a five and a six, but I write for a living and not much is publishable here. But happily for me, this was a refreshing and meaningful poem. Cheers, Eve.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Hi, I don't dish out meaningless five after five like so many here, but I happily part with a five star rating for this succinct poem that says so much. We are prone to be paralysed by fear and we shouldn't be. It is appointed once for man to die within Christianity, so we must make every moment count.
Your rhyming was unforced and I noticed no errors, just a nicely published poem with a great message for everyone of every generation. Thanks for sharing your work and allowing members like me who aren't fully paid up, to read your work. I can tell you now that if you scroll down people's reviews, you will see empty five star ratings from friends, and while that is nice, it isn't making this a very literary site, and that is the reason I don't write here, just read, because so many people mute you if you give an honest review with less than a five star rating. I have seen poems with grammatical errors get five stars, so I encourage you to be honest if you review as well as write, because you will get more from the four or three star review than a meaningless fiver between friends. It is a blight here at FS. There are only two ratings for most of these amateur writers, a five and a six, but I write for a living and not much is publishable here. But happily for me, this was a refreshing and meaningful poem. Cheers, Eve.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thank you, Eve. I agree with your assessment of the rating system and admit I have fallen into the 5/6 trap myself. When I read something that falls short of that, I generally just move on. I mostly write here and read much less, though I am honest and thorough with my reviews. While there is some really good writing on this site, I suspect much of it goes largely unnoticed because of the point-driven, pay for play system. I wasn't aware that there was a mute button. That says a lot. I'm sure there are cliques of friends that promote each other's work for the wrong reasons. It's impossible on a site like this for consistent objectivity, which is sad. Not giving an honest 4 or 3 in fear of reciprocity does not foster a healthy environment for critical feedback that can potentially help one improve. It's fun for me to put my pieces out there, something I've rarely done before, and I've never written a poem in my life prior to joining this site, so it has some merit. I know better than to think I'm a rock star writer for having 6-star reviews and achieving "all-time" best status now and again.
Now, with that said, I am proud of the poem you just reviewed and I genuinely appreciate your 5 stars!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Chip!
Incredibly wise words for many facets of life. I appreciate the positivity of your words and the force with which you share them: "stomp your fear and dance when it's dead!" Have done that many times, and it is most
exhilarating and freeing!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Hello Chip!
Incredibly wise words for many facets of life. I appreciate the positivity of your words and the force with which you share them: "stomp your fear and dance when it's dead!" Have done that many times, and it is most
exhilarating and freeing!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thank you!
Comment from kahpot
An excellent short poem, with a great message for us to conquer our fears, very well written and presented, wonderful photo, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
An excellent short poem, with a great message for us to conquer our fears, very well written and presented, wonderful photo, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thanks!
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you constructed this brief format to rhyme and still give a great, encouraging message! Your poem is powerful with all the strong verbs you used : "tread, tiptoe, stomp dance!"
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
I like how you constructed this brief format to rhyme and still give a great, encouraging message! Your poem is powerful with all the strong verbs you used : "tread, tiptoe, stomp dance!"
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thank you!
Comment from LIJ Red
Then plummet to the rocks below with a hair-raising screech ending in a ghastly splat. Just kidding, but seek common sense, which will tell you when it is time to be afraid...wonder what the specs are for a four-line poem....looks fine to me...
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Then plummet to the rocks below with a hair-raising screech ending in a ghastly splat. Just kidding, but seek common sense, which will tell you when it is time to be afraid...wonder what the specs are for a four-line poem....looks fine to me...
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thanks!
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent and insightful advice in this well written four line poem. Even though I must admit the photograph incited my fear of heights just a little bit.
Great job Chip and best wishes to you with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
|
Excellent and insightful advice in this well written four line poem. Even though I must admit the photograph incited my fear of heights just a little bit.
Great job Chip and best wishes to you with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019
-
Thank you, Gloria!
Comment from William Ross
Yes, well done has a lot of meaning in such a short piece with a clear message on taking a risk or chance throw away the fear and go for it. Great job and good luck. Have a great day.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
|
Yes, well done has a lot of meaning in such a short piece with a clear message on taking a risk or chance throw away the fear and go for it. Great job and good luck. Have a great day.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2019
-
Thank you, William!
