Reviews from

Renewal

the sparrow

51 total reviews 
Comment from Mrs. KT
Excellent
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Hello victor!
A very moving poetic offering. I enjoyed its simplicity and paucity of words.

Just two thoughts to consider for editing:
"why's" = whys
And the last stanza:
What if we all could just...
innocence, and grin,
and fly again? = innocence = noun / not parallel with verbs grin and fly. Suggest a different word to keep ending parallel.

Hope I have helped and not offended.
I enjoyed your poem very much.
diane

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    I actually am glad you brought up "whys." For some reason I had come to think plurals such as whys, required an apostrophe, since they don't change into "whies," And, it disagrees with my basic grammatical training of the apostrophe being used when letters are missing. A contraction, if U will. But, whys just didn't look right to me, sorry. Now, as to nouns and verbs, etc. I must invoke poetic license. It reads like I want it to. And does not, and will not, if I keep all verbs or all nouns. A "grin" is a noun. "To grin," is not. So what?
reply by Mrs. KT on 24-Feb-2019
    Poetic license it is...
    No need to take offense.
    Just here to help...
    Take Care,
    diane
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    My dear, if I conveyed offense, I apologize. I was just jousting with an agile opponent. Doug
reply by Mrs. KT on 24-Feb-2019
    No worries.

    Have a wonderful evening!
    diane
Comment from Ross E Silke
Excellent
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I really like your thoughts in this poem. It flows well and I like how you tightened each line. I love the image of the sparrow presented in the poem and how you tied it into a wonderful meaning behind the verses. A very refreshing read and inspirational. I look forward to reading more works from you.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Stephanie Launiu
Excellent
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If I were a sparrow. What a simple poem with an important and melancholy message. Renewal is needed by all of us, and being able to take to the sky and flutter away for a time would be ideal. Your free-style poem is arranged in an interesting pattern and meter. Good job.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Thank you.
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
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We all wish for the innocence of youth. It always seems like it was so easy then. Maybe for us, as kids. But the adults probably felt the same way as we do now.
It is sad how violent and pain wracked the world is becoming.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
    Thank you.
reply by dragonpoet on 30-Jun-2019
    You're most kindly welcome, Victor. I think you are right about adults feeling the same way in and decade.

    Joan
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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Yes,mis think with great regret the times my magnificent face has been carved up by very inferior photography. They could have had a masterpiece of beauty but alas.... Well done, one doesn't see many sparrows around these days, nor swallows., beautifully done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    How very nice of you, Roy.
reply by royowen on 24-Feb-2019
    Well done
Comment from karenina
Excellent
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Wistful and winsome and whispered childlike abandon to that most glorious of times when we were brand new and untainted my the stains of life--fresh from God and newly blossoming... There are moments we find a glimpse of that throughout our lifetime... THAT is prayer in action! Loved this--Karenina

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Absolutely. Thank you for resonating. What frequency works for you? LOL
reply by karenina on 24-Feb-2019
    For me? When I give up trying to "tune in" and trust that God knows EXACTLY how to reach me--I am at my most blessed! Smiles---Karenina
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Excellent
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I enjoyed reading your poem. Your poem flowed smoothly and gives everyone who reads hope. I know I wish I could restart some things. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    We all wish this Barbara. Thank you for following me.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
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A very well-written free verse poem about renewal of our souls and minds. Every morning when I hear the birds chirp in the garden joyfully despite what the weather and temperatures are they also seems happy and then we realize we have no reason to not be renewed every morning.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Exacery. (lol) Thank you.
Comment from Wabigoon
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Victor--
I like this. I like how you write. But, who are you asking to "make you a sparrow." Is that "make you into one?" or just make a sparrow. Into one is my guess. Peculiar request. How much would be lost? I guess, the grief, the tears? Curious poem and request.

Best
Wabigoon/Jeff

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Smile. Yes, a curious request. Just a metaphor for-take my troubles away. Let me live again. Thank you, as always, Jeff.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
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Like Jenny in Forest Gump sometimes we think that the ability to fly away would solve all our problems. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case. We have to stay and face them.

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 Comment Written 24-Feb-2019


reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
    Yes, of course, but that is back to the left brain and Monday morning. Smile. Thank you, Thom.