Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Ashes"possible selections for inclusion in book project
63 total reviews
Comment from pipersfancy
I love the unfolding of chapters in this visually stunning piece, Michael!
Love the lyrical quality of:
ashes, ashes
falling on the sashes
of the dancing lasses
stepping on the flashes
Consider:
ashes, ashes
falling on the sashes
(all) the dancing lasses
stepping on the flashes
- you've got such lovely consonance of the s, l, d sounds that somehow, to my ear, the v sound (of) seems a bit jarring mingled in there!
I kept hoping you'd sneak something along the line of "we all fall down" somewhere in that section.
I got a little bit lost with the formatting/line arrangement at the beginning of section 4.
You always know how to create big impact, my friend! A wonderful example of that, on display in "Ashes"!
Also, great idea for an Australian-rules rugby sort of match of a poetry contest. Let the games begin!
pf
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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I love the unfolding of chapters in this visually stunning piece, Michael!
Love the lyrical quality of:
ashes, ashes
falling on the sashes
of the dancing lasses
stepping on the flashes
Consider:
ashes, ashes
falling on the sashes
(all) the dancing lasses
stepping on the flashes
- you've got such lovely consonance of the s, l, d sounds that somehow, to my ear, the v sound (of) seems a bit jarring mingled in there!
I kept hoping you'd sneak something along the line of "we all fall down" somewhere in that section.
I got a little bit lost with the formatting/line arrangement at the beginning of section 4.
You always know how to create big impact, my friend! A wonderful example of that, on display in "Ashes"!
Also, great idea for an Australian-rules rugby sort of match of a poetry contest. Let the games begin!
pf
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Not sure if I just thought "WELCOME BACK'' or actually welcomed you back. LOL
Delighted you liked this. I've seen Aussie rugby. JEESH! Yep, that's the ticket here, but no referees. I kind of have an all fall down of sorts in the fourth verse, but not exactly. That was in my mind though.
Thanks for pointing that out in the second verse. I went back in and fiddled with it some more and like it MUCH better now. :))
So pleased you enjoyed. I suppose I should show some nerve and invite you to join in. HAHAHA! Such class on my part, choosing art over the cold hard fake money. mike
Comment from apky
This was an excellent piece, in all the four segments.
You're clear and give some varied in each of your pieces
with the artwork that complements the written word.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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This was an excellent piece, in all the four segments.
You're clear and give some varied in each of your pieces
with the artwork that complements the written word.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Hi
Aww. So pleased you enjoyed. Thanks a million, mike
Comment from Boogienights
I was very impressed by your work. I'm fairly new to this site, and I don't believe I've seen anything like this before. Wonderful how the subject matter remained basically the same, but was presented in so many different ways. Fascinating to read and look at. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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I was very impressed by your work. I'm fairly new to this site, and I don't believe I've seen anything like this before. Wonderful how the subject matter remained basically the same, but was presented in so many different ways. Fascinating to read and look at. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Not sure if I've welcomed you yet, in any case, WELCOME. I'm not around much, but I've read a couple of your pieces and I like a lot. Good stuff. Thrilled that you liked this. A fun anything goes contest, no disqualification. Join in, I think you'd do well. Thanks for all the gold. mike
Comment from Dean Kuch
I would know a Michael Cahill production anywhere--with or without the artists name being displayed.
This is certainly no exception.
Part I takes a kind of calm, philosophical approach to romance while Part II comes at you, all barrels blazing, in a rat-a-tat-tat, machine gun styled burst of words.
Part III is senryu-like, (sort of), and Part IV--my favorite part of the poem-- utilizes sort of a surreal, Helter-Skelter, enjambment-laden sentiment.
Nice work, Mikey!
~Dean
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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I would know a Michael Cahill production anywhere--with or without the artists name being displayed.
This is certainly no exception.
Part I takes a kind of calm, philosophical approach to romance while Part II comes at you, all barrels blazing, in a rat-a-tat-tat, machine gun styled burst of words.
Part III is senryu-like, (sort of), and Part IV--my favorite part of the poem-- utilizes sort of a surreal, Helter-Skelter, enjambment-laden sentiment.
Nice work, Mikey!
~Dean
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Who says stalking Dean isn't a smart idea. LOL
Thrilled you liked part four since that's the part I like most too BUT probably the part most people won't get. HA!
Glad to see you've joined the fray. I think there's going to be some killer entries! Good luck. We'll all end up getting nine-fifty I bet..... mike
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Don't get me wrong, I felt the entire poem was excellent.
But part IV--man, that really hits ya!
You're welcome, Mikey and good luck.
~Dean :)
Comment from DragonSkulls
Hey, Michael, hi. Wow. I was giving thought to entering your contest but I'd just be wasting my money. This is a great piece of poetry. I know, being clear up to the top and paying the most fake cash, I should give some sort of suggestions on how you could possibly make this any better. But how can I? I can't. So there you go. Well, there is one thing, #4 'Fall in for off over' That has me lost. I get the rest of it but that part went over my head. Even though, excellent, excellent piece, M. I'm sure you'll take the win. Best of luck. Unless I enter, of course. Then I want all the luck to go to me. Haha. Have a good one. Great piece.
Ron
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Hey, Michael, hi. Wow. I was giving thought to entering your contest but I'd just be wasting my money. This is a great piece of poetry. I know, being clear up to the top and paying the most fake cash, I should give some sort of suggestions on how you could possibly make this any better. But how can I? I can't. So there you go. Well, there is one thing, #4 'Fall in for off over' That has me lost. I get the rest of it but that part went over my head. Even though, excellent, excellent piece, M. I'm sure you'll take the win. Best of luck. Unless I enter, of course. Then I want all the luck to go to me. Haha. Have a good one. Great piece.
Ron
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Hey, glad you like. Yeah, part four is a bit out there, but I like it best an threw in the rest of it so I could get away with it. LOL
Glad to see you in the fray. Should be some great stuff and we'll all end up tied I'm guessing. HA! mike
Comment from Dawn Munro
OH! I didn't expect this to be for the contest (that I just wrote to you that I might enter, if I can earn enough fake $ in time), I swear!
Michael, this is epic, and so powerful. My own PERSONAL choice would be to combine One & Four - each of these stands wonderfully on its own - but then, that is mere personal taste. (I've always been a 'less is more' kinda gal. *smile*) As I say, though, OF COURSE do not change a word on my say-so; please!
But I loved it; ALL of it. (Incredible imagery, and the presentation is sublime.)
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OH! I didn't expect this to be for the contest (that I just wrote to you that I might enter, if I can earn enough fake $ in time), I swear!
Michael, this is epic, and so powerful. My own PERSONAL choice would be to combine One & Four - each of these stands wonderfully on its own - but then, that is mere personal taste. (I've always been a 'less is more' kinda gal. *smile*) As I say, though, OF COURSE do not change a word on my say-so; please!
But I loved it; ALL of it. (Incredible imagery, and the presentation is sublime.)
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
Comment from Rasmine
Hi Mikey, :)
This was good. My favorite was part I and the beginning of two. I love rhyme, so there my prejudice of poetry lies. But I have read some that are great when they don't rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
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Hi Mikey, :)
This was good. My favorite was part I and the beginning of two. I love rhyme, so there my prejudice of poetry lies. But I have read some that are great when they don't rhyme.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
Comment from Thal1959
This whole work is quite interesting, Michael, especially the presentation. It's just that the work was shown as romance poetry and I didn't see that until the very last line. It's probably just me.
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This whole work is quite interesting, Michael, especially the presentation. It's just that the work was shown as romance poetry and I didn't see that until the very last line. It's probably just me.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Michael. This is enchanting. It has a beautiful flow and the words make your reader want to know what comes next. THEN, you hit us with how much you love! Sighs, how very romantic of you. Good luck . . . xoxo Kiwi
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Hi Michael. This is enchanting. It has a beautiful flow and the words make your reader want to know what comes next. THEN, you hit us with how much you love! Sighs, how very romantic of you. Good luck . . . xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
Comment from robina1978
Great artworks that all complement your poem series of poems so well so well. Original layout and a serious matter discussed in here. I truly loved your poem. Best wishes for the contest.
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Great artworks that all complement your poem series of poems so well so well. Original layout and a serious matter discussed in here. I truly loved your poem. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
