Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Dreamy"a place to gather my poetic forms
47 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Luna,
This poetry form is new to me, so I may be a little slow to grasp this...but I'm trying. *smile* I'm having a hard time understanding the meaning of your poem. The message, if you will. The first stanza seems to be about going to sleep, finding peace. The second stanza, I interpret as the moon shining a light to guide your way to dreamland -- a continuation of the first stanza's theme. Great so far. I've got it.
The third stanza throws me completely. You're saying that IN the dream, you enter heavenly realms...? With two angels beside you, and being wrapped in love -- you won't fall? Am I close?
The third stanza seems a bit of a stretch from the third - I'd almost want to see another stanza inserted between the (current) third and fourth to help with that transition, if that makes sense.
Loved the thoughts, though. Thanks!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Luna,
This poetry form is new to me, so I may be a little slow to grasp this...but I'm trying. *smile* I'm having a hard time understanding the meaning of your poem. The message, if you will. The first stanza seems to be about going to sleep, finding peace. The second stanza, I interpret as the moon shining a light to guide your way to dreamland -- a continuation of the first stanza's theme. Great so far. I've got it.
The third stanza throws me completely. You're saying that IN the dream, you enter heavenly realms...? With two angels beside you, and being wrapped in love -- you won't fall? Am I close?
The third stanza seems a bit of a stretch from the third - I'd almost want to see another stanza inserted between the (current) third and fourth to help with that transition, if that makes sense.
Loved the thoughts, though. Thanks!
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thanks for your review and suggestions, Robyn!
Comment from June Sargent
Beautiful poem about surrendering to our dreams at the end of the day. Reaching for the stars can help us rise above whatever cares may be burdening us. Trusting that God had us in the palm of his hands. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Beautiful poem about surrendering to our dreams at the end of the day. Reaching for the stars can help us rise above whatever cares may be burdening us. Trusting that God had us in the palm of his hands. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thanks, June, for the read and gracious review.
Comment from elloramen
While I am partial to poetry that has a distinct rhythm and rhyme, I know it can make the writing more challenging. You execute the form exactly. None of your lines or rhymes sound forced. It is beautiful imagery of travelling to the other side. I particularly like the second stanza.
My heartfelt sympathies for your loss. I cannot relate to your grief, but I can empathize as a mother. Welcome back to Fanstory.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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While I am partial to poetry that has a distinct rhythm and rhyme, I know it can make the writing more challenging. You execute the form exactly. None of your lines or rhymes sound forced. It is beautiful imagery of travelling to the other side. I particularly like the second stanza.
My heartfelt sympathies for your loss. I cannot relate to your grief, but I can empathize as a mother. Welcome back to Fanstory.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thank you for your kind review, and also for your condolences.
Comment from samandlancelot
Jeni,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing in your profile what has happened to you and your son, Mickey.
In your dream poem, it seems like you see your son and all the help that surrounds him, but for some reason he doesn't realize he isn't alone in the dark. It's like he needed you to show him what was there; like he still needed his mother to tell him the truth.
It's sad and beautiful.
Patricia
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Jeni,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing in your profile what has happened to you and your son, Mickey.
In your dream poem, it seems like you see your son and all the help that surrounds him, but for some reason he doesn't realize he isn't alone in the dark. It's like he needed you to show him what was there; like he still needed his mother to tell him the truth.
It's sad and beautiful.
Patricia
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thank you so much, Patricia!
That was a Breaux and touching review
Comment from Ella25
I like your unique way of poetry. There is so many ways to express how we feel through the beauty of our words. Well done on this one. Blessings, Ella
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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I like your unique way of poetry. There is so many ways to express how we feel through the beauty of our words. Well done on this one. Blessings, Ella
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Ella. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, what a beautiful and delicate poem, Luna. I love the flow of your words and how you played off the name of the poetic form Tri-Fall and your name Luna. There is an exquisite, shimmering quality about your poem, a peacefulness, a restfulness, an enchantment, magic. It feels so natural that I barely notice the rhyme scheme.
This is very, very beautiful and strikes the right tone:
"see, the moon is shining
one moonbeam
falls just ahead of your two feet
come now, best get moving ~
it's your dream
time to climb to your lunar seat"
Thank you for sharing your exquisite poem.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Wow, what a beautiful and delicate poem, Luna. I love the flow of your words and how you played off the name of the poetic form Tri-Fall and your name Luna. There is an exquisite, shimmering quality about your poem, a peacefulness, a restfulness, an enchantment, magic. It feels so natural that I barely notice the rhyme scheme.
This is very, very beautiful and strikes the right tone:
"see, the moon is shining
one moonbeam
falls just ahead of your two feet
come now, best get moving ~
it's your dream
time to climb to your lunar seat"
Thank you for sharing your exquisite poem.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Dear sis cat,
Thank you so very much for this amazing six star review. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it and thank you for your kind words.
Again, thanks a bundle for the 6 stars! ❤️ ❤️
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You're most welcome. It was well-deserved.
Comment from mbroyles2
Wonderful words with precise imagery.
I like the way you presented it here.
"one moonbeam
falls just ahead of your two feet"
This is really good.
"don't worry, you won't fall ~
there are two
angels by your side over there"
Terrific
Michael
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Wonderful words with precise imagery.
I like the way you presented it here.
"one moonbeam
falls just ahead of your two feet"
This is really good.
"don't worry, you won't fall ~
there are two
angels by your side over there"
Terrific
Michael
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016
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Thanks so much, Michael. I'm really happy that you enjoyed this. ❤️
