2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "5/7/5 (beautiful moonlight)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
56 total reviews
Comment from NJK62
Your haiku tries to bring out both the beauty of moonlight as it shines on the sea and the peculiarity of its changing phases. You show command of the form in that the syllable count in each line conforms to the expected count and you do provide a sartori line. I wondered, however, if you can make every word count: the words 'beautiful' and 'funny' lack some effectiveness because they are used in such contexts so frequently. As there's so few words in a haiku, each one needs to make the reader stop and think. Nevertheless, a wish you well in the competition.
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Your haiku tries to bring out both the beauty of moonlight as it shines on the sea and the peculiarity of its changing phases. You show command of the form in that the syllable count in each line conforms to the expected count and you do provide a sartori line. I wondered, however, if you can make every word count: the words 'beautiful' and 'funny' lack some effectiveness because they are used in such contexts so frequently. As there's so few words in a haiku, each one needs to make the reader stop and think. Nevertheless, a wish you well in the competition.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you njk :)
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No problem.
Comment from LIJ Red
Writing a five-seven-five is wearing a bit of a strait jacket. Writing such a work to a prompt must be extra difficult. This one makes sense, counts right, and
strikes me as excellent.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Writing a five-seven-five is wearing a bit of a strait jacket. Writing such a work to a prompt must be extra difficult. This one makes sense, counts right, and
strikes me as excellent.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you lij red :)
Comment from mfowler
Wow, you really have that image pegged. Your poem captures the effect of the filtered light on water beautifully. It is a magic effect.The satori line uses 'phases' cleverly as in the phases of light and the period phases of the moon's appearance. Beautifully presented. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Wow, you really have that image pegged. Your poem captures the effect of the filtered light on water beautifully. It is a magic effect.The satori line uses 'phases' cleverly as in the phases of light and the period phases of the moon's appearance. Beautifully presented. Best of luck.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you mfowler :)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an interesting write, mystery writer, love the play on words--funny phases instead of funny faces. I love the picture choice. it's gorgeous. I wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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this is an interesting write, mystery writer, love the play on words--funny phases instead of funny faces. I love the picture choice. it's gorgeous. I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 18-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you sweetwoodjax :)
Comment from LeslieP5
I like your beautiful moonlight which reflects on the water. The play on words of makes funny phases is clever. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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I like your beautiful moonlight which reflects on the water. The play on words of makes funny phases is clever. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you for the review and kind words
Comment from TAB_that's me
Nice imagery and nice play on the word phases. It is written in the correct syllable count and is a great entry.
~~teresa~~
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Nice imagery and nice play on the word phases. It is written in the correct syllable count and is a great entry.
~~teresa~~
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Thank you Teresa :)
Comment from livelylinda
Author: great play on words in 3rd line. Perfect syllable count, wonderful picture to enhance although your words were good enough it didn't need a picture. Good luck in the contest. livelylinda
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Author: great play on words in 3rd line. Perfect syllable count, wonderful picture to enhance although your words were good enough it didn't need a picture. Good luck in the contest. livelylinda
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Livelinda, very much for the exceptional review and the six stars, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from Neonewman
Oh so very clever my friend!
What a great piece of artwork to accompany this incredibly well crafted piece.
God bless and best of luck with the voting.
Steve
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Oh so very clever my friend!
What a great piece of artwork to accompany this incredibly well crafted piece.
God bless and best of luck with the voting.
Steve
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Thank you Steve :)
Comment from poetadeu
The art is phenomenal as a representation for your
5/7/5 contest entry. I love the blue hues in the
art, but there is one word that took the satori to
the moon for me. I looked the word, phase, up at
wiktionary and found it to be perfect in accordance
with the imagery you're projecting. Nice work. best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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The art is phenomenal as a representation for your
5/7/5 contest entry. I love the blue hues in the
art, but there is one word that took the satori to
the moon for me. I looked the word, phase, up at
wiktionary and found it to be perfect in accordance
with the imagery you're projecting. Nice work. best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Thank you poetadeu :)
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Welcome!
Comment from Amy Greta
I love your moonlight haiku! The first two lines do indeed contain concrete imagery, the picture is spectacular, perfect font and color, and the best part: the third, "aha!" line! Making funny phases (waxing / waning) and making funny faces (as people claim to see faces in the moon). Clever and creative!
Amy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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I love your moonlight haiku! The first two lines do indeed contain concrete imagery, the picture is spectacular, perfect font and color, and the best part: the third, "aha!" line! Making funny phases (waxing / waning) and making funny faces (as people claim to see faces in the moon). Clever and creative!
Amy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Thank you Amy :)