Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

a little nip is all he wanted creepers guess he will not want to play the game anymore for fear of being scared again oh my

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks a ton, country ranch writer. I appreciate you taking the time to read the story. I wouldn't want to play with Jimmy again either if I were Frankie!
~Dean :)

reply by country ranch writer on 24-Jul-2015

hey you are more than welcome you do evil up so well

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

;)

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I'm so glad this one didn't finish up gruuesomelyyyyy. Like some others I've read Dean, that's a relief. I like the warm air growing colder and the creepy copycat voice of Frankie, good old Jimmy didn't obey the voice, well done, scary bit not disastrous, well written, great design, blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks, Roy. I'm not a big fan of gratuitous gore, or blood and guts horror like the kinds you see in flasher flicks. I like my scary stuff more subtle, like Rosemary's Baby, or The Sixth Sense. Films and novels that make the hair on the back of your neck prickle up, or gooseflesh rise up on your arms. For me, that's the best type of "horror" there is.
I very much appreciate your review, my friend. ~Dean

reply by royowen on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks for always having mercy Dean,

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

No worries, Roy, lol. :)

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

A scary tale. Kids love to be scared, until it gets too close for comfort. I enjoyed reading this. Sinister! Who/what was calling Frankie? That can really put a damper on his evening--heh, heh, heh! Marilyn

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Hopefully young Frankie never has to find out, Marilyn. It wasn't Jimmy, we know that much.
Thanks a bunch for the review, my friend. I'm glad you liked the story.
~Dean :)

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Good job on the build up of fear. The feeling itself seems to be driving force here rather than a character. The darkness, the lack of an image all added to the chill of the unknown. Well done.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks, Lance. That's how I hoped it would come across, so thanks for confirming for me that it worked for you, at least. I very much appreciate that.
~Dean :}

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

That little girl out there must have really been yugly. Smooth writing, good end twist, down right horrible, just as planned. The book must be fat and sassy by now.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks, Red. It's around 53 chapters now, I think, although the chapter count got screwed up somehow.
Much obliged for the review. ~Dean :}

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

I've read so much of your stuff, Dean. I hate to say it but I don't understand the ending to this one at all. Apparently, Frankie got it. It scared the piss right outa him. But other than the very obvious: "if that wasn't Jimmy outside, who was it?" then the story just leaves the reader hanging. It just doesn't go anywhere. Sorry, Dean ....

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

That's the beauty of flash fiction, Jay. Sometimes you just have to let the readers decide for themselves what happened.

Your comments reminded me of Teddy DuChamp's, from the film, "Stand By Me". After Gordy tells the boys a new story he's been working on about a fat kid who creates a puke-fest in the audience during a pie eating contest, Teddy asks, "Then what happened?" Gordy goes on to say that David Hogan ( the main character in Gordy's new story) probably went home and celebrated his revenge with a cheeseburger. "Great story, Gordy. I just didn't like the ending," Teddy retorts, heh-heh.
Thanks very much for your review just the same. And hey, if you have any suggestions to improve it--much like Teddy DuChamp did for Gordon--feel free to let me know.
~Dean :}

reply by Jay Squires on 24-Jul-2015

Always the gentleman, Dean. No, I was afraid I had missed something. I'm not one to talk. I had to add "THE END" when I finished my story since I had so many people telling me they couldn't wait to read the next chapter.

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

I've had a couple of readers ask me to continue this story, but most who read regularly know the stories in this series are stand alone, flash or micro horror fiction. So a follow-up is unlikely.

But hey, it never hurts to ask, right? ;)

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

Y'know, I knew there was a reason why in our neighborhood, we never really played hide and seek. We did, just under a different name- ghost in the graveyard and always at dusk. Very creepy and you have a knack for making kid's voices authentic.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thank you, Ed. I really appreciate the review.
Lord knows I've been around enough of 'em--kids, I mean-- and I'm not particularly fond of little kids, LOL. I'm far too impatient, and they are far, FAR too active for me. Plus, I have probably seen Stand By Me, Stephen King's Silver Bullet, The Sandlot, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Matilda, Lord of the Flies (the list goes on and on, but I'll stop there, lol) about a thousand times.
Thanks again, Ed. I'm glad you liked the story. ~Dean :}
We played the game all of the time growing up, in the dark with flashlights. In fact, this story is inspired by an experience I had as a kid playing Hide 'n" Go Seek.

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

When you start a story with "Fifteen-year-old Jimmy Moreland's parents were out of town for the weekend," I know he is in for trouble, because hell usually breaks loose when parents are away. I was not disappointed. Your set up using the manhunt game was brilliant. You sent chills through me when Frankie hunted for Jimmy and heard what appeared to be Jimmy's voice. You're font on the letter "y" in "play" was superb in conveying diminishing sound. Ending was a stunner, "Whaddaya mean, you idgit? I never went outside."

Superb tiny tale of horror. Thanks for scaring.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks for taking a shot at this Tiny Tale, Andre. I appreciate the great feedback, and for letting me know that the "font play" worked well for and got across the image and effect I'd hoped it would.
I truly appreciate it!
~Dean :}

Comment from GE Parson

Excellent

Walll dat werzn't too bad, but I'm anti tisinpate it's a gonner get wersser wit each installamunt.

Between you and Bret West I'm etting in the mood to write some or at least A true horror story about a high school buddy who was kiled by a train when he attemted to beat it.

But first I need to review about 20 messages.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

The book is there for anyone who wants to submit, Jerry. I'm sure your story would be a perfect fit, my brother. I'll be looking forward to it. And hey, at least it doesn't cost you nothin' to get in, LOL.
Thanks very much for your review, buddy.
~Dean :)

Comment from Megalips

Excellent

Another really good one, Dean. I like the way you dropped off your 'y' in play to make it smaller and smaller, giving me the 'vocal' effect of that voice dropping off into darkness. It was a very effective scare, even if nobody got decapitated!

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Ha-ha, nope, no dead bodies in this one, 'Lips. Not yet, anyway.
Thanks for the great feedback, and for letting me know that the "font play" worked for you to get across the image I'd hoped it would.
I truly appreciate it!
~Dean :}