Things Change
contest entry45 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
I enjoyed the relaxed and whimsical style of this, though it has to be said that a big brother as unrepressed as this must be one in a million. But his confusion shows through well. Best of luck with the contest.
A couple of typos. (Asterisks indicate suggested insertions):
'Sit down, little bro I've a story *to* tell'
'I know you may not understand what I*'m* trying to say'
Adrian
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I enjoyed the relaxed and whimsical style of this, though it has to be said that a big brother as unrepressed as this must be one in a million. But his confusion shows through well. Best of luck with the contest.
A couple of typos. (Asterisks indicate suggested insertions):
'Sit down, little bro I've a story *to* tell'
'I know you may not understand what I*'m* trying to say'
Adrian
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
Comment from CD Richards
I can think of many things much worse than telling a whole story in verse.
This is a lot of fun, and fits the competition guidelines very well. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Craig.
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I can think of many things much worse than telling a whole story in verse.
This is a lot of fun, and fits the competition guidelines very well. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Craig.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
Comment from Cybertron1986
Humorous in all angles. There is a simplicity here that works for me as a reader. I love the contrast in that there are two brothers co-existing during different stages of development. The words choice was approriate. However, there are a few grammatical errors which interrupted the rhythm. Yet, the piece engaged me from start to finish because of the humor. Well done. Very genuine and properly structured.
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Humorous in all angles. There is a simplicity here that works for me as a reader. I love the contrast in that there are two brothers co-existing during different stages of development. The words choice was approriate. However, there are a few grammatical errors which interrupted the rhythm. Yet, the piece engaged me from start to finish because of the humor. Well done. Very genuine and properly structured.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
Comment from kiwijenny
Oh this is good...I remember those days as a girl though
This is great and I can just see a brother sitting down with his little brother like this
It would be less traumatic than being the oldest
God bless
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Oh this is good...I remember those days as a girl though
This is great and I can just see a brother sitting down with his little brother like this
It would be less traumatic than being the oldest
God bless
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
Comment from rjuselius
haha. lol. this is a fun, lighthearted and entertaining piece of poetic art dear anonymous! i think you have a strong contender here for it made me laugh out loud and that is the sign of a great humorous poem.
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
blessings!
rebekka x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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haha. lol. this is a fun, lighthearted and entertaining piece of poetic art dear anonymous! i think you have a strong contender here for it made me laugh out loud and that is the sign of a great humorous poem.
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
blessings!
rebekka x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015