Shadow of Action
Being an ingrate is deadly to one's existence and success65 total reviews
Comment from Janet Foor
I don't understand when people don't take care of our environment. It will haunt us if we do not take the proper care. Perfect 5/7/5 syllable count.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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I don't understand when people don't take care of our environment. It will haunt us if we do not take the proper care. Perfect 5/7/5 syllable count.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much
Comment from donaldww
The syllable count for this poem is perfect for the 5-7-5 contest. The subject alludes to environmental concerns, implying that people beat up the sky.
I don't think the hanging preposition 'by' is effective at the end, and hyphenating it with crushed doesn't make any sense to me.
In any case, I think I understand the gist of the poem.
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers, DW
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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The syllable count for this poem is perfect for the 5-7-5 contest. The subject alludes to environmental concerns, implying that people beat up the sky.
I don't think the hanging preposition 'by' is effective at the end, and hyphenating it with crushed doesn't make any sense to me.
In any case, I think I understand the gist of the poem.
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers, DW
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Ola....
~ It's so true... How we treat our environment is more-and-more becoming a problem... You state so well in so few words that we must become more aware of that which is given us to enjoy...
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Hi Ola....
~ It's so true... How we treat our environment is more-and-more becoming a problem... You state so well in so few words that we must become more aware of that which is given us to enjoy...
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you. We all have a responsibility towards that line.
Comment from elchupakabra
I enjoyed this piece. It is so true that we need to consider our impact on the environment. What's worse is the technology exists to create eco-friendly energy that would negate the use of oil, coal and nuclear facilities, but those bigwig companies won't let that happen until anarchy, rebellion or "God" takes them out first. Great work on this short piece, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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I enjoyed this piece. It is so true that we need to consider our impact on the environment. What's worse is the technology exists to create eco-friendly energy that would negate the use of oil, coal and nuclear facilities, but those bigwig companies won't let that happen until anarchy, rebellion or "God" takes them out first. Great work on this short piece, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Starlit Ink
Yes, one must be careful what he does and what he wishes for. This five-seven-five is not only written correctly, but has great wisdom. We can't curse the sky that brings us life and shelter. You used a nice picture to go with what you are saying.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Yes, one must be careful what he does and what he wishes for. This five-seven-five is not only written correctly, but has great wisdom. We can't curse the sky that brings us life and shelter. You used a nice picture to go with what you are saying.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for the logical review.
Comment from Cedar
You have said a great deal with so very few words and I agree with you completely. The presentation is also beautiful. Good luck in the contest. Bill
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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You have said a great deal with so very few words and I agree with you completely. The presentation is also beautiful. Good luck in the contest. Bill
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Andrewajgblue
I like this poem it's a case of you reap what you sow, and nobody ever listens until it is to late, I think our environment will be the same alas,
I thought the idea was great, and I thought your message was very clear,
Andrew
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I like this poem it's a case of you reap what you sow, and nobody ever listens until it is to late, I think our environment will be the same alas,
I thought the idea was great, and I thought your message was very clear,
Andrew
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from ravenblack
I really like the first two lines, but think the third line needs some tweaking. I think what you mean by leaving the third line open-ended, you are saying that ignoring the impact we have on the environment and we will be crushed by any number of things. Why not just add an ellipsis?
Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed by...
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I really like the first two lines, but think the third line needs some tweaking. I think what you mean by leaving the third line open-ended, you are saying that ignoring the impact we have on the environment and we will be crushed by any number of things. Why not just add an ellipsis?
Beating up the sky
Forgetting it's your shelter
You may be crushed by...
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks. Adding anything to it is exceeding the -5- syllabic pattern.
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An ellipsis is just three dots at the end (...) indicating the omission of implied words. It would not add to your syllabic pattern but would clarify what you are doing with the last line.
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. A good contest entry. It is a wee poem with a big message. I like the line...beating up the sky...we are just such cruel people, to our small earth. Like you I believe we must plan for the future and act today.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Hello. A good contest entry. It is a wee poem with a big message. I like the line...beating up the sky...we are just such cruel people, to our small earth. Like you I believe we must plan for the future and act today.
padumachitta
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Yes! Thank you so much
Comment from annp
this is a clever little 5 - 7 - 5,
it is intriguing and made me ponder over the message,
take care of what takes care of us,
a great read
good luck
annp
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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this is a clever little 5 - 7 - 5,
it is intriguing and made me ponder over the message,
take care of what takes care of us,
a great read
good luck
annp
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for the review. I appreciate.