All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Beach Sleep"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
70 total reviews
Comment from Simple Reflection
Wow! It is 39 degrees here. Want to trade places? Your description sounds so inviting! Nice flow, alliteration, and imagery. Too nice... :(
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Wow! It is 39 degrees here. Want to trade places? Your description sounds so inviting! Nice flow, alliteration, and imagery. Too nice... :(
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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39? brrrrrrrr! Plenty of room on my beach dear ... come on over! :) Sharyn
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Save me some sand!
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plenty to go around ... just bring sunburn cream!
Comment from lakeport
Beach Sleep in beautiful Hawaii..that's a beautiful expressed story poem, nice flow like the waves. I enjoyed reading it.God bless you.Hugs!lakeport.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Beach Sleep in beautiful Hawaii..that's a beautiful expressed story poem, nice flow like the waves. I enjoyed reading it.God bless you.Hugs!lakeport.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx so much my dear ... :) Sharyn
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your welcome.Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment from paul O'Brien
"warm honey sun
Winds , soft , scented ,salty whisper
trickling, light; tickling my skin
Playing in my hair"
You could have written it like this but you didn't --- that stream of concessions- ( dawning awareness) you used is very effective- (even gets ist place in contests)
Great choices in alliteration "S" in particular when talking
about the sun and the sea.
"Warm honey sun" is a great line the two short words either side of honey roll of the tongue (so to speak)-the long one syllable warm followed by thee syllable honey and the staccato one syllable sun create an atmosphere of heat--the use of honey as an image is clever giving that molten characteristic even though from a distant it is pleasant
Are they gerunds rolling about in there having fun tricking,
tickling and playing?
A tanka has 31 syllables -- is it just a coincidence that there are 31 lines in ths work
Very creative to produce a work of one or two syllables-- with an occasional line of 3
"into
sweet
sea
sleep"
Bet you thought no one would notice the spacing
The hypnotic use of the s- is almost like the snake out of jungle book
It must give you great pleasure to mould something like this
By the way -its a funny world- a Fijian man I know (Zac)is a very talented painter and he recently finished a work very similar to your pic approx 3 feet by 4 feet-- he too can feel the beauty of the sea, sun and sand
When you play around, fall over, pick youself up from making all sorts of learning (goosey) mistakes you can appreciate something well done
Bet after that warm honey sun goes down a lot of "spooning"
goes on too
May you be safe in Maui
Paul
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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"warm honey sun
Winds , soft , scented ,salty whisper
trickling, light; tickling my skin
Playing in my hair"
You could have written it like this but you didn't --- that stream of concessions- ( dawning awareness) you used is very effective- (even gets ist place in contests)
Great choices in alliteration "S" in particular when talking
about the sun and the sea.
"Warm honey sun" is a great line the two short words either side of honey roll of the tongue (so to speak)-the long one syllable warm followed by thee syllable honey and the staccato one syllable sun create an atmosphere of heat--the use of honey as an image is clever giving that molten characteristic even though from a distant it is pleasant
Are they gerunds rolling about in there having fun tricking,
tickling and playing?
A tanka has 31 syllables -- is it just a coincidence that there are 31 lines in ths work
Very creative to produce a work of one or two syllables-- with an occasional line of 3
"into
sweet
sea
sleep"
Bet you thought no one would notice the spacing
The hypnotic use of the s- is almost like the snake out of jungle book
It must give you great pleasure to mould something like this
By the way -its a funny world- a Fijian man I know (Zac)is a very talented painter and he recently finished a work very similar to your pic approx 3 feet by 4 feet-- he too can feel the beauty of the sea, sun and sand
When you play around, fall over, pick youself up from making all sorts of learning (goosey) mistakes you can appreciate something well done
Bet after that warm honey sun goes down a lot of "spooning"
goes on too
May you be safe in Maui
Paul
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Well blessings to you too Paul - so glad you enjoyed my beach snooze! I wanted to try something gentle after my last couple of fun "ranty" ones! and the spacing, of course, was deliberate ... I space something so it echoes visually what I'd be doing reading/ performing the piece aloud. Bless you for noticing! I enjoy that long, thin style sometimes ... I like the way it reads, don't you? Did you enter the senryu contest by the way??? :))) Sharyn
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Ran out of time might float it as a freebe
yes, I enjoy that style of writing - occasionally it might need a punctuation mark to bring out a point more clearly
one can't rteally wish you sun and Sandy beaches today.
Paul
Comment from Titanx9
This should be a lullaby. The quick pacing and lyrical cadence of this one roll over the mind like a lover's caress. Superb imagery. Overall, a most enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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This should be a lullaby. The quick pacing and lyrical cadence of this one roll over the mind like a lover's caress. Superb imagery. Overall, a most enjoyable read!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx for sharing the snooze Titan!
Comment from Ralph Miller
Yes, I do like that and it brings back memories of so many days spent like that, generally not in the tropics, but warm enough anyway. Off to do my four hour stint at marine rescue. Whales a-plenty at present, so should be fun. Also going to buy a new big esky for the Tas trip; hoping to fill it with Tassie trumpter fillets in a couple of weeks.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Yes, I do like that and it brings back memories of so many days spent like that, generally not in the tropics, but warm enough anyway. Off to do my four hour stint at marine rescue. Whales a-plenty at present, so should be fun. Also going to buy a new big esky for the Tas trip; hoping to fill it with Tassie trumpter fillets in a couple of weeks.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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sounds awfull good Ralph! :)
Comment from Gungalo
I love you r format of this one girl. The single words per line make it awesome to read. There's a feeling of being totally relaxed to this one. Let me see .... at the beach?
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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I love you r format of this one girl. The single words per line make it awesome to read. There's a feeling of being totally relaxed to this one. Let me see .... at the beach?
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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absolutely ... plenty of room here if you know where to go Gungalo ... how about in your neck of the tropical woods?? :)
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Ahhhh all the room in the world girl.
Comment from J. Dark
This is heavenly. I love the one word per line style with strong alliteration. Every word counts so beautifully. You've managed to evoke the image, sound, smell and feel of the beach perfectly here and you make it easy to imagine being there. Just blissful.
Kindest of regards
Mrs D :-)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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This is heavenly. I love the one word per line style with strong alliteration. Every word counts so beautifully. You've managed to evoke the image, sound, smell and feel of the beach perfectly here and you make it easy to imagine being there. Just blissful.
Kindest of regards
Mrs D :-)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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thx Mrs D ... glad you enjoyed the snooze! :) S
Comment from Espresso momma
It's been more years than I'll admit when I did that last. But I remember it well. It took weeks to recover from the burn and heat stroke...But how fun it was while it lasted. Loved your poem, the photo and memories. Thanks.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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It's been more years than I'll admit when I did that last. But I remember it well. It took weeks to recover from the burn and heat stroke...But how fun it was while it lasted. Loved your poem, the photo and memories. Thanks.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Thx Em ... hopefully you'll bring a lot more sunscreen next time dear??? :) Sharyn
Comment from McMurry903
I really enjoyed and must admit I have a strong urge to find a hammock and doze to dream about beaches and sand now! Great job, very well worded and fun especially now the days are starting to get chilly! Brian
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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I really enjoyed and must admit I have a strong urge to find a hammock and doze to dream about beaches and sand now! Great job, very well worded and fun especially now the days are starting to get chilly! Brian
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Thx Brian - every so often I have to remind myself of where I am, and take that time to appreciate it! Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Dawn Munro
Aww, no fair! This alliterative beauty is making me so envious! Please, can't we come and live with YOU? (LOL) This is so lovely, my friend - as always. I can hear those ocean rollers, smell the sea, and feel myself drifting...
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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Aww, no fair! This alliterative beauty is making me so envious! Please, can't we come and live with YOU? (LOL) This is so lovely, my friend - as always. I can hear those ocean rollers, smell the sea, and feel myself drifting...
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2012
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plenty of room on the beach dear ... there was even a double rainbow, but I didn't want to go over the top! :)
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Sure, rub it in! (LOL)