Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Child of God"One Man's Return From Hell
53 total reviews
Comment from Belinda
In this story Dax, the ex secret service, is really a Godsend for Lael, the child of Gog. These are details from your story that makes it even more interesting. Good luck with the competition.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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In this story Dax, the ex secret service, is really a Godsend for Lael, the child of Gog. These are details from your story that makes it even more interesting. Good luck with the competition.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks Belinda - I'm glad that you read and enjoyed. This was a stretch for me as I generally write non-fiction.
Comment from Realist101
Hi Bill! I love this ending! Very touching, and your main character is great. Really vivid, fulfilling the rule of the contest very well! I have suffered with this crime, and sure wish a "Dax" had been there for me. But I am okay now, years have helped heal. But very good work here as always! Susan
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Hi Bill! I love this ending! Very touching, and your main character is great. Really vivid, fulfilling the rule of the contest very well! I have suffered with this crime, and sure wish a "Dax" had been there for me. But I am okay now, years have helped heal. But very good work here as always! Susan
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks Susan - I need the encouragement as this was a stretch for me. Everything I've written other than this was non-fiction. I wish that Dax had been there for you too!
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
I found your story to be easy reading. Wonderful descriptions and strong, fast paced dialogue. Well done and thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I found your story to be easy reading. Wonderful descriptions and strong, fast paced dialogue. Well done and thanks for posting.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your kind review!
Comment from minopavlic
This was absolutely brilliant. Everything from the plot ,which moved in reviting sequence, to the characters were creatively brought to a life of their own. I could very easy see this style of writing developing itself in all kinds of directions towards a novel.
Thank you for a great read.
no_obstacle
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This was absolutely brilliant. Everything from the plot ,which moved in reviting sequence, to the characters were creatively brought to a life of their own. I could very easy see this style of writing developing itself in all kinds of directions towards a novel.
Thank you for a great read.
no_obstacle
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks again!
Comment from marcellawachtel
I loved your story. It had everything good in it- Big Bad guys against a slender good guy who was just looking for a place to crash, minding his own business and his own despair. I lost track of the moves pretty early in the description of the fight, but it still was exciting. So the good guy saves the girl who would have been either raped or killed, and then- then a terrific suspension- of- disbelief twist, that, wildly coincidental or not, finished of this story perfectly.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I loved your story. It had everything good in it- Big Bad guys against a slender good guy who was just looking for a place to crash, minding his own business and his own despair. I lost track of the moves pretty early in the description of the fight, but it still was exciting. So the good guy saves the girl who would have been either raped or killed, and then- then a terrific suspension- of- disbelief twist, that, wildly coincidental or not, finished of this story perfectly.
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I very much appreciate your reading the story and for your kind words!
Comment from billyboy123
Very Interesting. A side of you I don't recall, at least since I've been around. This story held my attention very well, and had the elements of harshness and tenderness at play with one another. The coincidental ending put the icing on the cake.
billyboy
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Very Interesting. A side of you I don't recall, at least since I've been around. This story held my attention very well, and had the elements of harshness and tenderness at play with one another. The coincidental ending put the icing on the cake.
billyboy
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Hi Billyboy - welcome back! This was actually a stretch for me since everything I've written previously was non-fiction. Another member recently encouraged me to get outside of my comfort zone and write something purely fictional.
Comment from Ann Smith
This story had me sitting on the edge of my chair hardly waiting for the next word to be read. It had good detail, storyline and action. I loved the fact that Dax took those two hoodlums down. I wish that happened more in real life. I hope Dax will be able to get his life on track. Good luck with the contest. ann
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This story had me sitting on the edge of my chair hardly waiting for the next word to be read. It had good detail, storyline and action. I loved the fact that Dax took those two hoodlums down. I wish that happened more in real life. I hope Dax will be able to get his life on track. Good luck with the contest. ann
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks Ann - I appreciate you reading the story and am glad that it kept your interest!
Comment from Southern Writer
You always surprise me. I think I know where you are going with the story....and I am usually wrong.
I know nothing about fighting styles...but you seem to know a bunch. Are you a fighter yourself...?
Like always I certainly enjoyed your story. Such a tender ending after a sad man with no direction, a near rape, and a hell of a ass kicking fight.
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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You always surprise me. I think I know where you are going with the story....and I am usually wrong.
I know nothing about fighting styles...but you seem to know a bunch. Are you a fighter yourself...?
Like always I certainly enjoyed your story. Such a tender ending after a sad man with no direction, a near rape, and a hell of a ass kicking fight.
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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Me - a fighter? I'm from Georgia, I'm a lover! Oddly enough, I just saw a segment on this particular type of fighting that did in fact originate in the Jewish Ghetto's of Poland in WWII. LOL Bill
Comment from uclayan
Good story with a surprise ending. I didn't understand all of the fighting moves but they sure sounded as if they really hurt. The description was very vivid. I especially enjoyed the opening scene with the railroad tracks. Almost wish there was a Part 2. Could she be his daughter?
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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Good story with a surprise ending. I didn't understand all of the fighting moves but they sure sounded as if they really hurt. The description was very vivid. I especially enjoyed the opening scene with the railroad tracks. Almost wish there was a Part 2. Could she be his daughter?
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed!
Comment from Bellringer
Excellent work packed with action. Dax proves that you are never to old to be a hero! Great action narration. Although most of the tale packed a wallop, your ending lines packed the biggest one of all. We are left with the sense that somehow he found redemption and hope. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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Excellent work packed with action. Dax proves that you are never to old to be a hero! Great action narration. Although most of the tale packed a wallop, your ending lines packed the biggest one of all. We are left with the sense that somehow he found redemption and hope. Congratulations.
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 19-May-2010
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Thanks for your kind words! Your read of the ending was what I hoped would come through. The fact that I made Dax a hero at age 60 has nothing to do with the fact that I'm 60!
Regards. Bill