Evil in Paradise
Part One44 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
She held her breathe and waited - breath
business is growing leaps and bounds - the customary phrase is BY leaps and bounds
Unable to shake her disappointment, they sat - misplaced modifier, unless he is also unable to shake her disappointment
Are you passing through or staying nearby? - add question mark
She couldn't help wandering what was down her - wondering
I'm pretty darned sure that ranger is not good news. Excellent descriptive detail of setting throughout your story, Carol, and good dialogue that shows the emotions at play in this marriage. You're building suspense well, too.
Brooke
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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She held her breathe and waited - breath
business is growing leaps and bounds - the customary phrase is BY leaps and bounds
Unable to shake her disappointment, they sat - misplaced modifier, unless he is also unable to shake her disappointment
Are you passing through or staying nearby? - add question mark
She couldn't help wandering what was down her - wondering
I'm pretty darned sure that ranger is not good news. Excellent descriptive detail of setting throughout your story, Carol, and good dialogue that shows the emotions at play in this marriage. You're building suspense well, too.
Brooke
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol,
Before I forget you have a typo in the following line. You need to delete the word 'the'
She stepped around the him, opened
Even though the ranger didn't actually do anything to scare Carrie I found this story to be very creepy! The implied threat is well done and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up! Very good story with outstanding imagery. Can't wait to read more...blessings, chey
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Hi Carol,
Before I forget you have a typo in the following line. You need to delete the word 'the'
She stepped around the him, opened
Even though the ranger didn't actually do anything to scare Carrie I found this story to be very creepy! The implied threat is well done and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up! Very good story with outstanding imagery. Can't wait to read more...blessings, chey
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
Comment from jadapenn
I see the start of another good thriller. Okay, it's started off well and I can't wait to see where we're off to. James having an affair, the ranger murdering one of the nice girls. All too juicy.
Bring it on smiles, jada is ready. luv me
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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I see the start of another good thriller. Okay, it's started off well and I can't wait to see where we're off to. James having an affair, the ranger murdering one of the nice girls. All too juicy.
Bring it on smiles, jada is ready. luv me
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
-
Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
Comment from jwlee211
great writing. I really enjoyed this story. I love the ending. Welcome to paradise. I also like the subtle hints of problems and what they may be between James and the woman. Great job
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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great writing. I really enjoyed this story. I love the ending. Welcome to paradise. I also like the subtle hints of problems and what they may be between James and the woman. Great job
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
-
Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol