Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The Unforgivable"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
48 total reviews
Comment from Angelite
Very good story line, is this a beginning to something more pertaining to the chip and document and why Andy would steal for it? Great flash fiction, leaves you wanting more lol.
Did feel it jumped around a little, and had a hard time keeping up with who was who, but once i did, enjoyed it.
Angel
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Very good story line, is this a beginning to something more pertaining to the chip and document and why Andy would steal for it? Great flash fiction, leaves you wanting more lol.
Did feel it jumped around a little, and had a hard time keeping up with who was who, but once i did, enjoyed it.
Angel
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Angelite,
Thank you for the kind review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Good twist, but I had already figured out Andy was the bad guy. It just didn't seem right. Too many things pointed to him. It was fun to read.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Good twist, but I had already figured out Andy was the bad guy. It just didn't seem right. Too many things pointed to him. It was fun to read.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Glad you enjoyed the story..Guess you are just too smart for me and these flash fiction things. Smiles, Carol
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No, everything was just too orderly. In only a few words you don't have enough words to hide very much.
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Thanks--I've gotten all kinds of bad comments on this one...Send my grammar and punctuation was in error, couldn't keep track of the people or storyline, that it was dense...I'm panicking...I can't see the errors at all. Carol
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I just went back and rechecked. The area I found that could be confusing was the second scene. It's not entirely clear who the driver with the gloves is. Otherwise I thought it was good. If you want me to go over it with a fine tooth combe I will.
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since he was a hit and run driver..I didn't think it was necessary to give him a name...How do you suggest I make it clearer? Any help is deeply appreciated...Just like old times..LOL Smiles, Carol
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I'll take a second look.
Comment from lola29
Carol, this is an excellent entry. I could almost sense Shannon was divising a trap for Andy. I thought maybe her mother didn't possess a diamond ring, but the glove theory was great.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Carol, this is an excellent entry. I could almost sense Shannon was divising a trap for Andy. I thought maybe her mother didn't possess a diamond ring, but the glove theory was great.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Lola,
Thanks for the review. Always appreciate hearing from you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Kasey Carroll
Intriguing story. The clues you start with the reader doesn't realize are clues until closer to the end of the story. Good story. I like the picture also.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Intriguing story. The clues you start with the reader doesn't realize are clues until closer to the end of the story. Good story. I like the picture also.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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KC
Thanks so much for the wonderful review. Appreciate your time and comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Valkarie
Great piece of fiction writing which flows so well and is very concise and powerful. The dialogue is well thought out and so lets out the visual effect very well. An excellent piece of creative writing.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Great piece of fiction writing which flows so well and is very concise and powerful. The dialogue is well thought out and so lets out the visual effect very well. An excellent piece of creative writing.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Valkarie,
Thank you so much for reading and for the generous comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is good flash fiction. I enjoyed reading it. It is full of twists and turns and a surprise ending. You are very versatile in your writing. No matter was the subject matter, you always come up with something good.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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This is good flash fiction. I enjoyed reading it. It is full of twists and turns and a surprise ending. You are very versatile in your writing. No matter was the subject matter, you always come up with something good.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Beth,
I really appreciate your kind comments. You are very gernerous...Smiles, Carol
Comment from adewpearl
Andy Blake, you're under arrest? - not a question
Oh, I have heard people say that if you're going to lie you really need to keep the lie simple because the more you say, the more chances are that you'll slip up on something like that glove thing. There is certainly plenty of intrigue packed into your brief story - good dialogue and an exciting plot, Carol. Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Andy Blake, you're under arrest? - not a question
Oh, I have heard people say that if you're going to lie you really need to keep the lie simple because the more you say, the more chances are that you'll slip up on something like that glove thing. There is certainly plenty of intrigue packed into your brief story - good dialogue and an exciting plot, Carol. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Brooke,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and enjoy my story. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
I loved your well written story. I was riveted so much I read it twice. Andy was evil. I'm glad Shannon was able to arrest him for killing her parents. I loved the ironic twist. Great narrative Excellent descriptive writing:
Shannon stepped forward. "My mother never wore gloves. She's allergic to leather." She slapped his face. "Cuff him!"
I love the wonderful twists you put at the end of every story. Shannon's parents were murdered by Andy so he could get information she had on him I'm assuming because of the call from Scotland Yard at the beginning.
Melissa.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Carol,
I loved your well written story. I was riveted so much I read it twice. Andy was evil. I'm glad Shannon was able to arrest him for killing her parents. I loved the ironic twist. Great narrative Excellent descriptive writing:
Shannon stepped forward. "My mother never wore gloves. She's allergic to leather." She slapped his face. "Cuff him!"
I love the wonderful twists you put at the end of every story. Shannon's parents were murdered by Andy so he could get information she had on him I'm assuming because of the call from Scotland Yard at the beginning.
Melissa.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Melissa,
Hey, girl friend..thanks for the generous review. Hope all is well with you...Smiles, Carol
