Trapped
He spent too much time in the restroom.65 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Mastery,
I'm afraid I lose all Christian charity when dealing with drug pushers and peddlers. I'd gladly throw the switch or pull the lever to hang every last one.
Good story, well told, one just has to hope that this little piece of cr*p goes down for a very long time. Preferably eternity.
Patrick
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hi Mastery,
I'm afraid I lose all Christian charity when dealing with drug pushers and peddlers. I'd gladly throw the switch or pull the lever to hang every last one.
Good story, well told, one just has to hope that this little piece of cr*p goes down for a very long time. Preferably eternity.
Patrick
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hi, Patrick...Yes,drugs are the scourage of the land as they say. I appreciate your fine review....Bob
Comment from Pacinogal
Hello Bob,
This is a great contender for the contest.
The story is very good. Excellent.
The pic chosen is appropriate.
Excellent post.
Kindly,
Kathy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hello Bob,
This is a great contender for the contest.
The story is very good. Excellent.
The pic chosen is appropriate.
Excellent post.
Kindly,
Kathy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks, Kathy. what did you think of my "Fuzzy" character? LOL..Bob
Comment from Diny
it's an cake job. A cake job- not an -
Hey Bob this was pretty gorry and good in a shoot-em up bang bang way- I just saw Brooklyns finest- COP movies and drug trash always a action filled time - you did good guy- write on DINY
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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it's an cake job. A cake job- not an -
Hey Bob this was pretty gorry and good in a shoot-em up bang bang way- I just saw Brooklyns finest- COP movies and drug trash always a action filled time - you did good guy- write on DINY
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hi, Diny. Where ya been? Thanks so much for your fine review....Take care...Bob
Comment from Readywriter52
No one won in this story. Casey got careless and ended up dead. Fuzzy should have called the cops when he heard the shots, so he ended up dead. Now Jackie has gone from a stupid punk to a killer. He can only wait for who ever opens the bar in the morning. The only way to get out of the bar is shooting his way out.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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No one won in this story. Casey got careless and ended up dead. Fuzzy should have called the cops when he heard the shots, so he ended up dead. Now Jackie has gone from a stupid punk to a killer. He can only wait for who ever opens the bar in the morning. The only way to get out of the bar is shooting his way out.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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That's exactly right, Readywriter. Thanks so much fro reading my story...Bob
Comment from IndianaIrish
Wow, Bob, this is a dynamite story! Your character descriptions are so perfect as I could vision each one. The conflict is powerful and what a great ending! Best f luck in the contest.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Wow, Bob, this is a dynamite story! Your character descriptions are so perfect as I could vision each one. The conflict is powerful and what a great ending! Best f luck in the contest.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Irish. Good to see you back and I appreciat eyour great review...Bob
Comment from nor84
Don't need any more trouble in here(.) You should know that. I could get a lot of shit for this."
Good description of Casey.
or Beam straight up with (a) water chase, raw tequila that left him breathless and boiling in his own juices>>>I think the 'or' should come before the mention of the tequila.
What's more is two words.
year 'round ('round=around)
He wore a gold earring and a black leather vest over a off-white T-shirt.>>>I'd move that gold earring to the end. He's wearing the vest over the T-shirt, not the gold earring over the T-shirt.
Your people discriptions are very good.
Casey half- straddled a stool(.) He flipped his cigarette on the floor and crushed it with his foot as Fuzzy slid the Seven-up in front of him without a napkin.
You've been in and out of here everyday (every day)for the last week.>>written as one word, everyday is an adjective like everyday shoes.
Good entry.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Don't need any more trouble in here(.) You should know that. I could get a lot of shit for this."
Good description of Casey.
or Beam straight up with (a) water chase, raw tequila that left him breathless and boiling in his own juices>>>I think the 'or' should come before the mention of the tequila.
What's more is two words.
year 'round ('round=around)
He wore a gold earring and a black leather vest over a off-white T-shirt.>>>I'd move that gold earring to the end. He's wearing the vest over the T-shirt, not the gold earring over the T-shirt.
Your people discriptions are very good.
Casey half- straddled a stool(.) He flipped his cigarette on the floor and crushed it with his foot as Fuzzy slid the Seven-up in front of him without a napkin.
You've been in and out of here everyday (every day)for the last week.>>written as one word, everyday is an adjective like everyday shoes.
Good entry.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks again, Norma. I swear you are my saftey net when I write these things...LOL...Bob
Comment from c_lucas
Have you escape route planned ahead of time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in you contest.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Have you escape route planned ahead of time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in you contest.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Charlie. You are always such a good reviewer...Bob
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You're welcome, Bob. Charlie
Comment from MissMerri
You have a knack for including just the right details in your story to make it live in the mind of the reader. Also, the dialogue is so convincing and tells a lot about the characters as they speak. This was vividly real, and obviously written by a man who knows how to tell a story.
The neat part was that the door was closed in the opening, and also in the closing. Nicely done!
A few typos... very few, but I'm sure you'll want to fix them since you are a careful editor.
***And whatsmore,(what's more) he wanted it in a knock-down,
***He wore a gold earring and a black leather vest over a(an) off-white T-shirt.
***"But, a Lot (lot) of citizens seem to think it's an (a?)cake job. (?? not sure, is this the same as a cake walk?)
*** I really hate to see (you) slide back."
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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You have a knack for including just the right details in your story to make it live in the mind of the reader. Also, the dialogue is so convincing and tells a lot about the characters as they speak. This was vividly real, and obviously written by a man who knows how to tell a story.
The neat part was that the door was closed in the opening, and also in the closing. Nicely done!
A few typos... very few, but I'm sure you'll want to fix them since you are a careful editor.
***And whatsmore,(what's more) he wanted it in a knock-down,
***He wore a gold earring and a black leather vest over a(an) off-white T-shirt.
***"But, a Lot (lot) of citizens seem to think it's an (a?)cake job. (?? not sure, is this the same as a cake walk?)
*** I really hate to see (you) slide back."
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Merri. I appreciate your kudos and your time...also the tips...Bob
Comment from babylonia
bob,
yeah, he's screwed all right. poor guy. LOL NOT
that's what happens when you mess with a cop's daughter. even if you win, you lose. easy to read and follow. spaggie.
I really hate to see (you) slide back."
good luck~
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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bob,
yeah, he's screwed all right. poor guy. LOL NOT
that's what happens when you mess with a cop's daughter. even if you win, you lose. easy to read and follow. spaggie.
I really hate to see (you) slide back."
good luck~
love,
barbara
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hey, Barbara. I always love to hear from you. Your reviews mean a lot to me. Bob
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bob,
you are very welcome~
hope you are doing well.
love,
barbara
Comment from Shirley B
Wow, great story. You know some wild people. Your imagery was excellent. The tension was great building up in the story. I was hoping, the good guy would get his man and then he would get to ride into the sunset! Great story! Good luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Wow, great story. You know some wild people. Your imagery was excellent. The tension was great building up in the story. I was hoping, the good guy would get his man and then he would get to ride into the sunset! Great story! Good luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Shirley...Glad you liked this one....Bob
