Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "It Can't Be!"A book of a mixture of stories
61 total reviews
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Two thumbs up!
Dialogues and story are brilliantly blended that I was just captivated in the theme too much. The length part is cleared in the author notes. This appears to be a great one for the contest.
Best of luck, admirable and great read
K
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Two thumbs up!
Dialogues and story are brilliantly blended that I was just captivated in the theme too much. The length part is cleared in the author notes. This appears to be a great one for the contest.
Best of luck, admirable and great read
K
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Kashif,
Thank you for your generous review and comments. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story. smiles to you, Carol
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You are welcome carol
All the best
K
Comment from Shirley B
Very good story. The story was so well written and so engaging the reader doesn't ming the lenght. I love the plot. I loved all the characters and the way the story ended. Yoy did a great job here. Congradulations. Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Very good story. The story was so well written and so engaging the reader doesn't ming the lenght. I love the plot. I loved all the characters and the way the story ended. Yoy did a great job here. Congradulations. Shirley
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Shirley,
Awesome....I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story. I had know Idea how long it was until I was almost finished. I really got wrapped up in writing it so I am really really pleased with your generous review and comments. Thank you...Carol
Comment from eliz100
You are right it was long but it also was a very good read with interesting twists and turns along the way. Your description of the old town was excellent and I felt like I was there.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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You are right it was long but it also was a very good read with interesting twists and turns along the way. Your description of the old town was excellent and I felt like I was there.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Eliz,
I'm glad that I could put you into the town and feel like part of the story. Thank you for the generous review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from melyuki
well greetings big sis. I luv it.. what a fabulous story. filled me with all sorts of wonderful emotions. carried me along the journey, wanting eagerly to know more and lovely ending, made me cry... such a warm and inviting story of love, hope, anguish, fear and the moral of the whole concept is never stop believing... something wonderful will come... and for Will, he certainly proved this to be true ... great story Carol.. luv it... hugs to you big sis, and sending lots of luv your way, from little sis, melxxxx
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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well greetings big sis. I luv it.. what a fabulous story. filled me with all sorts of wonderful emotions. carried me along the journey, wanting eagerly to know more and lovely ending, made me cry... such a warm and inviting story of love, hope, anguish, fear and the moral of the whole concept is never stop believing... something wonderful will come... and for Will, he certainly proved this to be true ... great story Carol.. luv it... hugs to you big sis, and sending lots of luv your way, from little sis, melxxxx
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Sis,
Awesome...I really got wrapped up in writing this story..as you can tell by the length...but it just developed and before I knew it...there it was...I'm pleased with it and I am double pleased that you enjoyed it as well. Thank you...Smiles and hugs, Sis
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its a beauty sis. one defintely to add to that publishing list... hugs lsd..xxxx
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ....
Yes, thank you, the read was most worthwhile. This is a beautiful story. At the end, I was waiting for Will to take with him, the old trunk with the family photographs.
I have given you 5 stars, knowing that you will consider the few changes recommended ..
* You have - Your kin to Bill Dennison? This should be -
You're (you are) kin ....
* You have - This was suppose to be a quick trip .... this should be - was supposed to be ....
* You have - You better take a look ... this should be -
You'd better take a look ... OR ... You had better ....
* You have - he felt like he'd known the town ... this should be - he felt as if he'd known ....
* You have - a two-story house .. this should be -
a two-storey house ...
* You have - What seemed like hours, Kate finally touched his arm ... this should be - After what seemed ....
* You have - thinking to straight either ... this should be - thinking too straight ....
* You have - "She grabbed his arm ... remove the inverted commas before She ...
* You have - The woman seemed oblivious to the fact that they were ... this should be - oblivious of the fact ...
* You have - Will's eyes meet Kate's ... this should be -
Will's eyes met Kate's ....
I really enjoyed your story, Carol - thank you.
As it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .. Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Hullo Carol ....
Yes, thank you, the read was most worthwhile. This is a beautiful story. At the end, I was waiting for Will to take with him, the old trunk with the family photographs.
I have given you 5 stars, knowing that you will consider the few changes recommended ..
* You have - Your kin to Bill Dennison? This should be -
You're (you are) kin ....
* You have - This was suppose to be a quick trip .... this should be - was supposed to be ....
* You have - You better take a look ... this should be -
You'd better take a look ... OR ... You had better ....
* You have - he felt like he'd known the town ... this should be - he felt as if he'd known ....
* You have - a two-story house .. this should be -
a two-storey house ...
* You have - What seemed like hours, Kate finally touched his arm ... this should be - After what seemed ....
* You have - thinking to straight either ... this should be - thinking too straight ....
* You have - "She grabbed his arm ... remove the inverted commas before She ...
* You have - The woman seemed oblivious to the fact that they were ... this should be - oblivious of the fact ...
* You have - Will's eyes meet Kate's ... this should be -
Will's eyes met Kate's ....
I really enjoyed your story, Carol - thank you.
As it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .. Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Nanette,
I had an emergency when I posted this and hadn't given it a close proofing...where would I be without wonderful friends like you. Thank you so much...Carol
Comment from BethShelby
What a great story. It has a lot of things going on in it and could actually be expanded into a book. You point of view changed several times and Addison got left way behind. I've been told not to change point of view on a short story but that didn't seem to hurt the flow of this story. It could have all been told from Will's perspective and would have still been great.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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What a great story. It has a lot of things going on in it and could actually be expanded into a book. You point of view changed several times and Addison got left way behind. I've been told not to change point of view on a short story but that didn't seem to hurt the flow of this story. It could have all been told from Will's perspective and would have still been great.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Beth,I try not to change the point of view either and I might go back and correct it..I had to leave today after I posted so I didn't have any time to reread the story. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Smiles, CArol
Comment from RobinWrites
This is an amazing story. I found many tears streaming down my cheeks by the end. Thank you for drawing me into the lives of these people. You have a wonderful gift - don't every stop writing.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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This is an amazing story. I found many tears streaming down my cheeks by the end. Thank you for drawing me into the lives of these people. You have a wonderful gift - don't every stop writing.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Robin,
Awesome...I am thrilled that the story meant as much to you as it did to me...I got wrapped up with the characters when I was writing and the story just developed. Thank you so much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Carol.
I really enjoyed your well written story about the haunted house. I was immediately drawn in by your excellent narrative, dialogue and descriptive scheme. Will found out he was adopted, he inherited a house in small town. Will goes there, meets Kate in a local store who takes him to there to the haunted house. I could see the crumbling house and the spiral stare case he found. The trunk in the attic and note was a great touch. Will not only discovered the truth about his birth momma but fell in love with Kate and found his mother when they went back later that night to return the trunk. A very cool ending. This is a wonderful entry for the contest about this old house. As always stellar and engaging story telling.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Carol.
I really enjoyed your well written story about the haunted house. I was immediately drawn in by your excellent narrative, dialogue and descriptive scheme. Will found out he was adopted, he inherited a house in small town. Will goes there, meets Kate in a local store who takes him to there to the haunted house. I could see the crumbling house and the spiral stare case he found. The trunk in the attic and note was a great touch. Will not only discovered the truth about his birth momma but fell in love with Kate and found his mother when they went back later that night to return the trunk. A very cool ending. This is a wonderful entry for the contest about this old house. As always stellar and engaging story telling.
Melissa.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Melissa,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I really appreciate the comments. Carol
Comment from Mariea
A beautiful story - kept me interested all the way. Characters are consistent throughout and no glitches are apparent. A good read, I'll look for more of your work.
Have a great day
Rgds Mia
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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A beautiful story - kept me interested all the way. Characters are consistent throughout and no glitches are apparent. A good read, I'll look for more of your work.
Have a great day
Rgds Mia
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Mia,
Thank you so much for enjoying my story. I really appreciate it very much. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from blsdauthor
Never apologize for phenomenal writing! This is awesome. It took me where I did not expect to go. The ending was unexpected and all the ends tied together neatly. I wish I had 6 ratings left because you would have gotten a six.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Never apologize for phenomenal writing! This is awesome. It took me where I did not expect to go. The ending was unexpected and all the ends tied together neatly. I wish I had 6 ratings left because you would have gotten a six.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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blsdauthor,
Thank you for reading and enjoying my story. As a writer, that is my greatest compliment. I am thrilled with your virtual six...Smiles, Carol