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POEMS, SONGS AND NOTES

Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Dreams Lost"
When I dabble at things.....

83 total reviews 
Comment from Sasha
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Haiku is one of the styles of poetry that fascinate me. It looks so simple yet requires tremendous concentration. Anyone can write 5,7,and 5 syllable lines but to create a beautiful work of art takes skill and talent. This one struck a cord with me on a personal level. I walked away from my first and only true love because I was mentally unstable and didn't want him to have to deal with it. He never knew about my problems and I know he never understood why I said no. This is truly a lovely and deeply touching poem. Probably way more than you needed or wanted to know, but I wanted you to know how it touched me.

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2009
    Sash Anything coming from you is worth knowing!!! She has been with him since high school. They have two small children. They finally married two years ago, she went to college and turned 30. He forgot to grow up and now physical anger is in the picture I fear. My two yr old granddaughter told the babysitter that daddy made loud noises and tried to kill mommy. My daughter denies it, but innocence tell much of the truth I think. Thanks for listening to me too. Take my friend. Always, Carol
Comment from serenityjs
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Ok, this poem encompasses all that is surly felt in a marriage and especially at the end of a marriage. I think it really embraces its style and it is beliveable and real.

thanks for sharing,
jen

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2009
    Jen

    Thanks for your kind and appreciate words. It is sad but true. CArol
Comment from prodigal
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Hard to believe just 17 syllables could illicit such an emotional response. I love the contrast here bliss to sorrow, summer to winter. Powerful word choices to portray happiness and despair. Well done- Sam

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Sam I am honored for such praise from a poet like yourself. I certainly can not claim to be a poet but my daughter's grief simply forged these words for me. Thanks you so much. Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
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I bet that was/is very hard. I can't imagine having a daughter tell you her marriage was falling apart. I can't imagine having a daughter, sorry. I do have two wonderful daughter in laws and I would be sad if I lost either one of them.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Barbara She has been with Tim since they were fifteen...They were 27 when they finally got married and now...well, she's having a difficult time. Thank you so much.
    Carol
Comment from mushroom
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sounds just like it says, it turns cold with the chill of the the chill of the soul, and a lonely figure in the artwork sets the piece off very well

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Mushroom Thank you so much for understanding the emotions within this haiku. Carol
Comment from Xylok
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wow, that pretty much just covered the entire emotional spectrum. covers a lot of ground regarding the relationships that we have and you do all that within the restrictive paramaters of a haiku. five stars, and no suggestions necessary for change. i like it as is. well done. you found your "stepping stone in the right direction"...write on!

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Xylok Thank you so much for your kind comments. I greatly appreciate them. Carol
Comment from Mike K2
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This has qualities to make it more of a senru. With just three lines, you really put across the impact of the poem very well.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Mike Thank you very much for the kind review. CArol
Comment from fastdigits
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A Haiku filled with sorrow,
with poignant feelings that
are painted on your words
of pain that fill the heart
and soul.
Well done and good luck

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    fastdigits I could feel the pain through the telephone as my daughter tried to reason why this was happening. They have been together since they were 15 ...she turned 30 this year. He forgot to grow up....Thanks so much for the review. CArol
Comment from Toller
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You say a lot with very few words. I like your use of summer and winter to express feelings and time.
Nice job!

Ashley

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Toller

    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate your comments. CArol
Comment from Mastery
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Hi, Carol.. must tell you, this is a darned good Haiku. Good balance, truth and a dandy reflection on the human condition. Good luck...Bob

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2009

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
    Bob My daughter has been with Tim since they were 15...They got married in their twenties, she is almost finished with college as a vet tech, and he wants to do nothing now....Her heart is broken. I am glad you saw the emotion in the poem. Thank you so much. Carol