Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "From One Who Knows...."Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
54 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
Interesting, although I got a mite lost on who was who in here, but overall the bottom of the glass explained the uniting factor. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Interesting, although I got a mite lost on who was who in here, but overall the bottom of the glass explained the uniting factor. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Fictionwriter....My son was sitting in a bar remembering how he had surprised his fiance with roses, only to find the surprise was on him. An old man befriended him at the bar and told him how his wife had left him too. Thanks for the review. I appreciate your comments. I wish the story hadn't been true. Carol
Comment from MadameSparkle
I don't know how you do it, to get a whole story into so few words. I wonder if you have a plan? or just write what comes out of your head. I read this twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Well done.
Sparkles
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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I don't know how you do it, to get a whole story into so few words. I wonder if you have a plan? or just write what comes out of your head. I read this twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Well done.
Sparkles
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Sparkles Thank you so much for the kind review. This particular story unfortunately happened to my son. He is moving past the drinking but his heart doesn't seem to heal. Four years, a planned wedding and poof! They hadn't even ever had a fight! Thanks for reading and enjoying. Carol
Comment from Amicus
Well done, Carol. You have packed a lot of tale into your 100 words...loving man done wrong, drowns sorrows, can't move on, dreams of real home long gone....excellent plot development in such a brief form.
Sad theme but well written and enjoyable to read.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Well done, Carol. You have packed a lot of tale into your 100 words...loving man done wrong, drowns sorrows, can't move on, dreams of real home long gone....excellent plot development in such a brief form.
Sad theme but well written and enjoyable to read.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Amicus Thanks for the wonderful review. I greatly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from Nanny 6
You did it! Congratulations on telling quite a steamy story in so few words. I got a good sense of the character and his pain. Good luck. Judy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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You did it! Congratulations on telling quite a steamy story in so few words. I got a good sense of the character and his pain. Good luck. Judy
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Judy It was unfortunately easy because my son has lived through it. He has past the drinking but he still struggles with healing his heart. Four years, a planned wedding and poof! Hard for a young man to deal with. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is pretty good, but these two sentences are a littl confusing. We know Alexis's fiance' walked in while she was with another man. So he drank trying to forget her. Then suddenly we have an old man. It took me three reads to decide the old man wasn't Alexis. Maybe you should say 'a' old man not the. Maybe that would help.
Alexis's smiling face was at the bottom of every glass. He couldn't drink her away. Tears filled his eyes.
Recognizing a broken heart, the old man nodded his head. "My wife ran off back in '99. Took everything I had."
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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This is pretty good, but these two sentences are a littl confusing. We know Alexis's fiance' walked in while she was with another man. So he drank trying to forget her. Then suddenly we have an old man. It took me three reads to decide the old man wasn't Alexis. Maybe you should say 'a' old man not the. Maybe that would help.
Alexis's smiling face was at the bottom of every glass. He couldn't drink her away. Tears filled his eyes.
Recognizing a broken heart, the old man nodded his head. "My wife ran off back in '99. Took everything I had."
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Barbara I did go ahead an change that to an old man...It had originally said the old man on the bar stool and then it was the old man sitting beside him...Unfortunately, this is a true story...my son's. Four years and a planned wedding...poof! He's moved past the drinking but he still struggles to heal his heart. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
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I'm sorry. I hope he finds someone that worthy of him.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol....what a tragic story this is. With just 100 hundred words you have written a novel that tugs at the heart strings. Broken hearts take a good deal of time and tears to heal.Excellent....good luck in the contest.....blessings....chey
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Hi Carol....what a tragic story this is. With just 100 hundred words you have written a novel that tugs at the heart strings. Broken hearts take a good deal of time and tears to heal.Excellent....good luck in the contest.....blessings....chey
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Chey Thanks for the kind review. Unfortunately, this is based on my son's true story. He has moved past the drinking now but he still struggles to heal his heart. Four years and a planned wedding...destroyed in a moments time. Carol
Comment from bc1yax
oh so horrobale - but oh so true - sometimes life can jump out and slap you square in the face - this was a short story that had few words but each word told paragrahs of info - just excellent -
-- bc1yax
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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oh so horrobale - but oh so true - sometimes life can jump out and slap you square in the face - this was a short story that had few words but each word told paragrahs of info - just excellent -
-- bc1yax
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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bc1yax
Thank you for the kind review. This story was based on my son's life unfortunately. He is past the drinking but his heart may never heal. Appreciate your thoughts. CArol
Comment from Phil Kitom
Wow this tells a powerful story and
in only one hundred words. It just
goes to show the impact less words
can have in relating a tale...
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Wow this tells a powerful story and
in only one hundred words. It just
goes to show the impact less words
can have in relating a tale...
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Phil
Thank you so much for the kind review. This happened unfortunately to my son and he still struggles to get past it. Thanks again. CArol
Comment from another jim
Quite a tragic story! Took me a few moments to piece it together, but once I hit that "Aha!" moment, I re-read it. Liked how you used the opening three lines of dialogue to set the stage for this brokenhearted guy's demise. Too bad he couldn't have run into someone who'd actually help him; instead, he's getting advice from some barfly who's "been there and done that". Cleverly worded ending.
Nice work, Begin Again!...Jim.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Quite a tragic story! Took me a few moments to piece it together, but once I hit that "Aha!" moment, I re-read it. Liked how you used the opening three lines of dialogue to set the stage for this brokenhearted guy's demise. Too bad he couldn't have run into someone who'd actually help him; instead, he's getting advice from some barfly who's "been there and done that". Cleverly worded ending.
Nice work, Begin Again!...Jim.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Jim Unfortunately, this happened to my son. He has moved past the bar now, but I worry that his heart will ever heal. Thanks for the kind review. I appreciate it. Carol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol nice use of 100 words. And a sad and true commentary on some people's lives. Best of luck in the contest. Donna
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Hi Carol nice use of 100 words. And a sad and true commentary on some people's lives. Best of luck in the contest. Donna
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009
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Donna
Unfortunately, it's based on a true story..my son's. He has moved past the bar now, but his heart struggles to heal. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
