CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 108 "Special Edition"A collection of poetry
45 total reviews
Comment from Domino
Hi, Sue. The meter's very good except for a coupla lines, IMHO. Interesting and ingenious inanimate theme, with great humour ta describe your wonderful book. Excellent rhyme and format. 'Tho'' could be 'Though'
'First editions are your predecessors.' - you've made the emphasis on the first instead of second syllable, and the whole line reads awkward ta me.
'Dif'rent values placed on their successors;' - exactly the same as above.
Terrific acccomplishment for your first sonnet? I think.
A bit a work on those two lines will improve it enormously IMHO. Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
  |
Hi, Sue. The meter's very good except for a coupla lines, IMHO. Interesting and ingenious inanimate theme, with great humour ta describe your wonderful book. Excellent rhyme and format. 'Tho'' could be 'Though'
'First editions are your predecessors.' - you've made the emphasis on the first instead of second syllable, and the whole line reads awkward ta me.
'Dif'rent values placed on their successors;' - exactly the same as above.
Terrific acccomplishment for your first sonnet? I think.
A bit a work on those two lines will improve it enormously IMHO. Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
-
I just wrote you on PM, asking for a Sonnet Doctor! HA! Now I have my answer. No forgiveness there. Need to rework those two lines. DANG! Will let you know when I get it done to deserve your fiver! :-)) Sue
-
OK, Sue. Good luck, xx
-
I've read somewhere that it "may" be ok to have 11 syllables in a line. Is that possible for those two lines?
-
I read that some syllables can be considered 'silent female syllables' though I think it's cr*p. They're either there or they're not, IMHO. xx
-
Thank goodness you're one of my mentor's, Ray...or I'd go hog wild on the rules LOL!!! - I'd be mixing free verse with iambic tetrameters!!
Comment from Curt Mongold
They say that print is dead. I say it is on vacation! I know many younger people that have no idea what the smell of an old book is, or the feel of pages turning while engrossed in reading before bed. What a shame. They don't know what they are missing.
Great piece!
Sincerely,
Curt
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
|
They say that print is dead. I say it is on vacation! I know many younger people that have no idea what the smell of an old book is, or the feel of pages turning while engrossed in reading before bed. What a shame. They don't know what they are missing.
Great piece!
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
-
Hey Cuz - been looking for you! Yes...books! Print is NOT dead. Like you said, only on vacation. They'll all come back around. Thanks for your review. :-)) Sue
Comment from raimie
Wow, what a great job! I love this, me and my cousin often talk about our shred love of books. We peruse the half price book stores in search of that perfect buy. Our hearts beating when we find a mint condition copy. i cried this xmas over a gift i got, a signed copy of Ray Bradbury's farenheit 451. I know so dorky. But I was given a 1968 copy signed for a graduation gift, by my best friends parents. My second family and it was stolen. Books are a part of your history, I can remeber reading gone with the wind in the 5th grade and farenheit 451, well I was so rebellious at the time. Well, it brought me back to god. Books truly are like old friends :) great enty and a great salute to the book!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
|
Wow, what a great job! I love this, me and my cousin often talk about our shred love of books. We peruse the half price book stores in search of that perfect buy. Our hearts beating when we find a mint condition copy. i cried this xmas over a gift i got, a signed copy of Ray Bradbury's farenheit 451. I know so dorky. But I was given a 1968 copy signed for a graduation gift, by my best friends parents. My second family and it was stolen. Books are a part of your history, I can remeber reading gone with the wind in the 5th grade and farenheit 451, well I was so rebellious at the time. Well, it brought me back to god. Books truly are like old friends :) great enty and a great salute to the book!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
-
And I say, "WOW" right back atcha! Thanks for this awesome review! No dorky at ALL about crying over that signed book! I'm a collector of 1st editions and the signed ones are ACE! And "451" being signed by Bradbury - awesome!! I just gave my brother some books that I knew he'd like. He lives on the road as a truck driver and I know how much he loves to read. His eyes popped out! Ha! Don't ya just love the smell of them? -- Big smiles, Sue
-
Omg for xmas it was a free for all. I gave my daugther 15 books. I got 10 and Ashley got 10.We bought my daughters half siter 12 and her Dad 6. We are nerds! But thanks to half price books it's like insane.They will price basically mint condition books on the dollar shelf. Ihave a book in every room of the house that I am reading. I lean towards history books as such. Quite ridiculous really, my husband always says. When we buy our next house,. I am just going to buy a library and move a bed in. Lol, if he only knew how happy that would make me.
-
You ARE a nerd! HA! I can't read more than one book at a time! I just received 3 books in from Amazon yesterday. Can't believe I've not read Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying" yet! So, got that one. Got Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" and "Middlesex".
Am now reading "The Reader". Have had that around the house for awhile, but then I see where they are making a movie of it. So, wanted to get the book read first. Love the simplicity of the writing.
But, now, with fanstory, I'm writing constantly! Trying to find time to read books on top of writing, reviewing, responding to reviews....and it goes on and on. Ha!
When you wrote about all those books everyone was getting for Christmas, I had the vision of them flying in the air from one end of the room to the other! LOL!!
-
lol, I got the same faulkner book for xmas! That's to funny. Yeah I t does make it harder to read a book when you read so much on fanstory and work and have a family. I also like to go to see live theatre, so I keep quite busy. That Sylvia Plath you got, well it is fabulous! I just finished Langston hughes the Ways of white folks. I am currentley reading the collected works of Shirley jackson, Joyce Carol Oates, and the most Evil Serial killers. If that last one threw you, I work in finance but have a criminal justice degree. lol! Can't help myself!
Comment from rmdelta
Sue,
Another terrific contest entry and a great poem, my friend.
Strongly, very strongly descriptive wording which fills each and every stanza. This is a wonderful contest entry, Sue. Good luck.
Reggie
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
|
Sue,
Another terrific contest entry and a great poem, my friend.
Strongly, very strongly descriptive wording which fills each and every stanza. This is a wonderful contest entry, Sue. Good luck.
Reggie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
-
Reggie, so happy you liked this work. And I thank you for your great review and compliments! With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Judian James
Good one Sue. I've entered the same contest and will post as soon as I have the $$! A book is a great topic to write about and you did a wonderful job. I'm no authority on sonnets but I think the meter is off in the first line second verse. Otherwise, I loved it
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
|
Good one Sue. I've entered the same contest and will post as soon as I have the $$! A book is a great topic to write about and you did a wonderful job. I'm no authority on sonnets but I think the meter is off in the first line second verse. Otherwise, I loved it
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
-
Yes, you know your meters, Jude! I've re-read it and discovered what the issue is. All of poem is iambic da/DUM. However, in the 2nd stanza (1st and 3rd lines), they are DUM/da....uh oh! Going to have to consult with a sonnet specialist here, as there are many types of exceptions. Hmmm...tricky. Thanks for your bringing this to my attention! So glad you liked it. :-)) Sue
-
Finally got the meter right in this sonnet. I had some DUM/da's when it should have been da/DUM's - LOL!! Thanks for highlighting that for me. 'Twas a major flaw! Sue