A Lasting Peace Without the Tears
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Martyr!"Simply my feelings towards a lasting one.
93 total reviews
Comment from AuroraBorealis
When someone hears the word Martyr, usually bravery and courage come with that image.
Yet, I cannot fathom putting bravery or courage anywhere close to the ideals of terrorists. It's just not acceptable.
You know Mike, I always like reading your pieces. They come from the heart. That much is clear from your writing. Everything you "say" has emotion behind it. I could sense your 'frustration' / 'anger' and low opinion of these terrrorists who like to claim they are martyrs.
Yet, I still felt this poem was lacking a certain power to make it more impressionable. The rhyming and metre seemed a little off, as well.
Honestly, your notes were more thought-provoking and stronger than the poem. It could almost have been a separate written piece of Commentary Philosophy.
Just my thoughts. You touched on a sensitive subject, but you could definitely take this further with more pieces. You have the passion for it.
Cheers,
Aurora
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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When someone hears the word Martyr, usually bravery and courage come with that image.
Yet, I cannot fathom putting bravery or courage anywhere close to the ideals of terrorists. It's just not acceptable.
You know Mike, I always like reading your pieces. They come from the heart. That much is clear from your writing. Everything you "say" has emotion behind it. I could sense your 'frustration' / 'anger' and low opinion of these terrrorists who like to claim they are martyrs.
Yet, I still felt this poem was lacking a certain power to make it more impressionable. The rhyming and metre seemed a little off, as well.
Honestly, your notes were more thought-provoking and stronger than the poem. It could almost have been a separate written piece of Commentary Philosophy.
Just my thoughts. You touched on a sensitive subject, but you could definitely take this further with more pieces. You have the passion for it.
Cheers,
Aurora
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I appreciate your opinion, but I wanted to let the reader see things through those eyes. I know the notes are expansive, but thought it best that they be together. Thank you very much for your compliments and the review.
Comment from Penpal
This piece is written with the ironic look at man's hypocrisy. Very well done, and thought provoking. The poem carries a strong message, and I appreciated your notes, as well.
Sally saucer
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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This piece is written with the ironic look at man's hypocrisy. Very well done, and thought provoking. The poem carries a strong message, and I appreciated your notes, as well.
Sally saucer
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for your review and compliments. I just couldn't let this one go by unsaid.
Comment from LillySmith
Plan and conspire, get angry
and[with] frustrated people aboard,
for this grand ride. : This didn't flow well, or make sense. If you change the "and" for "with" It would flow better.
I applaud you meaning and passion for this subject, but am afraid that the poem itself was rather bumpy to read. It may just be my personal opinion here, but I felt that the line breaks interrupted more than helped your poem, as there didn't seem to be a rhythm to it. It read more like a story, that was set up in stanzas.
Your personal thoughts and feeling of the matter shone through, it just need flow.
Again, this is just my opinion. Do with it as you like.
Thanks for the interesting read.
Lil. ;-)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Plan and conspire, get angry
and[with] frustrated people aboard,
for this grand ride. : This didn't flow well, or make sense. If you change the "and" for "with" It would flow better.
I applaud you meaning and passion for this subject, but am afraid that the poem itself was rather bumpy to read. It may just be my personal opinion here, but I felt that the line breaks interrupted more than helped your poem, as there didn't seem to be a rhythm to it. It read more like a story, that was set up in stanzas.
Your personal thoughts and feeling of the matter shone through, it just need flow.
Again, this is just my opinion. Do with it as you like.
Thanks for the interesting read.
Lil. ;-)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I have talked to a Palestinian who lost land from the 60's conflict. They are both angry and frustrated people. As with a cult, that is exactly the type of people these groups appeal to. Actually, in many of my poems, I try to write as if describing a painting.
Thank you for taking the time to review the poem.
Comment from HalfHoff
how valiant of them ... to die for their beliefs while consuming innocent lives in the process ... and how befitting that they will never know if it ever did any damn good. Our soldiers obey orders and die also with barely a bi-line on page 23. Lea Ann
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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how valiant of them ... to die for their beliefs while consuming innocent lives in the process ... and how befitting that they will never know if it ever did any damn good. Our soldiers obey orders and die also with barely a bi-line on page 23. Lea Ann
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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You had me worried for a minute. lol But you are entirely correct, I am afraid. Thank you very much for your compliments and review.
Comment from mshugh
First, the poem spoke volumes - most of which I agree with - however I disagree with the author's not s on what constitutes a terrorist - my definition is simpel
Anyone or entity who kills or maims an unarmed civilian - whether tha person who kills or maims or kis that innocent person is Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Hindu - if they set our deliberately to kill or maim an innocent, unarmed civilian - they are a terrorist in my books.
That also includes the infamous 'collateral damage' that we love to so euphamastically use - that is just State Sponsored terrorism of a different nature.
Were the two Hezbollah terrorists - yes, if they killed or direct to be killed innocents.
Fir the record I am ex-2 Para of the British Army, a Roman Catholic and have seen, smelled and had nightmares of all forms of death - both cause by my side and the other side.
Well done
Michael
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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First, the poem spoke volumes - most of which I agree with - however I disagree with the author's not s on what constitutes a terrorist - my definition is simpel
Anyone or entity who kills or maims an unarmed civilian - whether tha person who kills or maims or kis that innocent person is Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Hindu - if they set our deliberately to kill or maim an innocent, unarmed civilian - they are a terrorist in my books.
That also includes the infamous 'collateral damage' that we love to so euphamastically use - that is just State Sponsored terrorism of a different nature.
Were the two Hezbollah terrorists - yes, if they killed or direct to be killed innocents.
Fir the record I am ex-2 Para of the British Army, a Roman Catholic and have seen, smelled and had nightmares of all forms of death - both cause by my side and the other side.
Well done
Michael
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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This review then really honors me and I thank you for your service. I never served in a military, though I made overature to desire to enter the US Naval School of Photography, the recruiter lead me to believe that it would be an undesireable experience. I had considerable woodland experience and wanted to see if I could somehow convince them to work this into mission specific photography.
My definition of terrorism is a bit different and includes the threat of intimidation for the shear joy of it. These were juveniles that where lead to believe that that law didn't apply to them and drug dealers. When I had enough, I took it to the streets and they left the crazy man alone, I had to beat them at their own game, covertly and overtly as necessary.
Thank you for sharing your life, opinions, the compliments and this review.
Comment from TheFex
I really appreciate the sense of your message, and that you tell it from the other side in a way that is intended to make the reader react with shock and disdain. That was very nice.
However, i really have a problem with a lot of the way you worded this piece, and parts that I just cannot make any sense of whatsoever.
My enjoyment is of murder --- enjoyment...is of? I don't see how this makes sense "My joy comes from murder" is what I think it means.
---Inflicting terror that
you will never know, when or
where it will come about!
--- if it's terror I will never know, why do I care? the rest after the comma is something else. remove the comma, maybe it makes sense then
--- To people of my religion, that
might have a better view. --- What?? what does that mean?
--In sending out my message. ---this isn't a sentence...it doesnt mean anything...
--- have no qualms about even --awkwardly worded. the "even" after "destroying" would be better.
Those are the main things I find fault with. I'd like to see it again if you choose to redo any of it.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I really appreciate the sense of your message, and that you tell it from the other side in a way that is intended to make the reader react with shock and disdain. That was very nice.
However, i really have a problem with a lot of the way you worded this piece, and parts that I just cannot make any sense of whatsoever.
My enjoyment is of murder --- enjoyment...is of? I don't see how this makes sense "My joy comes from murder" is what I think it means.
---Inflicting terror that
you will never know, when or
where it will come about!
--- if it's terror I will never know, why do I care? the rest after the comma is something else. remove the comma, maybe it makes sense then
--- To people of my religion, that
might have a better view. --- What?? what does that mean?
--In sending out my message. ---this isn't a sentence...it doesnt mean anything...
--- have no qualms about even --awkwardly worded. the "even" after "destroying" would be better.
Those are the main things I find fault with. I'd like to see it again if you choose to redo any of it.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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"Inflicting..." is kind of a double meaning, both the scope of the intended carnage, and the place and time. To the people... To them, fellow Muslims that don't share their views of the state of the world and are more positive or want to parcipate in society. "In sending out..." I believe it to be a statement, the terroristic act, period. Even sets up the idea that they are selfish and don't really care.
My enjoyment is of murder, is exactly what I wanted to convey. Click on Savage Nation, see the Nick Berg (I believe) beheading. They behead him from behind so that he is helplessly paralized while his vocal cords are not making this man sound like a dieing pig. They enjoy the terror that they inflict. I have also spoken to such people, not terrorist as I consider them good and do have the intonation and attitude down. He is a man that preaches that Islam is the greatest religion as it is vice and sin free and believs peaceful. Then he also considers terrorists to be freedom fighters and makes excuses. His opinions are formed from extreme hate and bitterness as he lost his land during the 60's from war. Yet he disdains when I put him in the center of the example that he says would be right.
To me, it really seems that you do not enjoy the style that I write with, you are always wwelcome to take an idea of mine and make it your own if you want to try your hand at it. I thank you for your time.
Comment from Artasylum
i loved this i am working with a spiritual center and it is advocating 60 days of piece and we are all praying and spreadng the word and trying to bring awareness around the world...every person can bring us that much closer to this death and destruction the human condition loves so much...yours, diana
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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i loved this i am working with a spiritual center and it is advocating 60 days of piece and we are all praying and spreadng the word and trying to bring awareness around the world...every person can bring us that much closer to this death and destruction the human condition loves so much...yours, diana
Comment Written 17-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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My God! How I do pray for that as well. But in, "[The Longest] Prayer for World Peace," in my notes that I state the reality as learned from terroristic acts that happened in my life. It takes all to achieve it, but some get so much joy out of terrorism and the attention they get. Punks is a good word, in this case with World before it. I share in your prayers though. Thank you very much for your very generous rating, this review and the compliments. God bless! Mike
Comment from Senyai
Excellent! Mike K2. Very timely this is. As the terrorists see only the end to their plan with hideous patience, we, in the free world don't grasp this, have trouble understanding their mind set. Your poem was more profound coming from the terrorist's point of view.
Well done, it reminds us to be vigilant and develop our own patience in fighting these "martyrs" or the result will be tragic.
Bravo!
Foxey
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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Excellent! Mike K2. Very timely this is. As the terrorists see only the end to their plan with hideous patience, we, in the free world don't grasp this, have trouble understanding their mind set. Your poem was more profound coming from the terrorist's point of view.
Well done, it reminds us to be vigilant and develop our own patience in fighting these "martyrs" or the result will be tragic.
Bravo!
Foxey
Comment Written 17-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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Thank you so much, I really apreciate your words. Thank you for your review and the compliments.
Comment from butterfly4265
How sad that after so long most have become so complacent about terrorism and I very much appreciate your author notes which accompanied your very well written poem. I, for one, have no concept of the mind of a martyr and your poem is excellent in the way it conveys that message. Excellent and thank you for poem as well as the notes.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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How sad that after so long most have become so complacent about terrorism and I very much appreciate your author notes which accompanied your very well written poem. I, for one, have no concept of the mind of a martyr and your poem is excellent in the way it conveys that message. Excellent and thank you for poem as well as the notes.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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I just felt that the differentiation needed to be made. Thank you so much for your compliments and review.
Comment from kassey
Excellent writing, and presentation. The content is a subject which a lot of us hide away from. After a while one seems to settle into a sort of complacency until the next murder takes place, because, I believe that is what they are. I am ashamed to say that I myself settle into complacency and writings like yours wake me with a start. Excellent writing Kay
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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Excellent writing, and presentation. The content is a subject which a lot of us hide away from. After a while one seems to settle into a sort of complacency until the next murder takes place, because, I believe that is what they are. I am ashamed to say that I myself settle into complacency and writings like yours wake me with a start. Excellent writing Kay
Comment Written 17-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2008
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Thank you so much for your compliments and this review. I believe the same and even faulted the American Administration for failing to continue to make their case and challenged them to do so. Lately we have forgotten why we have fought so hard. In talking with servicemen, we are still very needed in that part of the world.
