Autumn Joys
A beautiful season44 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
It's always good to try something new. I have trouble with the Japanese forms I'm trying to learn. I think this could be considered a haiku as you make an observation in the third line. I've never tried haiku, but I think a 5-7-5 calls for a connection between all the lines. I like your "snuggly weather" phrase. First stanza, you need the plural blows as your subject is plural. Last line, I counted 6 syllables. By all means, try poetry from time to time. Experiment with different forms. judi
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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It's always good to try something new. I have trouble with the Japanese forms I'm trying to learn. I think this could be considered a haiku as you make an observation in the third line. I've never tried haiku, but I think a 5-7-5 calls for a connection between all the lines. I like your "snuggly weather" phrase. First stanza, you need the plural blows as your subject is plural. Last line, I counted 6 syllables. By all means, try poetry from time to time. Experiment with different forms. judi
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you for the support. Poetry isn't my thing.
Comment from papa55mike
The snuggly weather is what I'm looking for. Tennessee is still in the high 80s. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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The snuggly weather is what I'm looking for. Tennessee is still in the high 80s. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you for the support.
Comment from jessizero
I think you have too many syllables in that last line. I could be wrong, but you might want to double-check it. Also, "breezes blows" sounds a bit off. Maybe it could be "breezes blow" or "breeze blows." That is entirely up to you. I think this was a great haiku, especially since it was your first attempt. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I think you have too many syllables in that last line. I could be wrong, but you might want to double-check it. Also, "breezes blows" sounds a bit off. Maybe it could be "breezes blow" or "breeze blows." That is entirely up to you. I think this was a great haiku, especially since it was your first attempt. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I've rewritten that line after EVERYBODY pointed it out. LOL Thank you for the support.
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written and I very much enjoyed it. Your presentation is beautiful. I would suggest along with Ausie that you continue to write some poetry, even if it doesn't have major or rhyming or whatever you can always write something in what's called Freeverse there are no rules with that and it frees you up to be able to write just about anything you want. Patricia.
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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This is very well written and I very much enjoyed it. Your presentation is beautiful. I would suggest along with Ausie that you continue to write some poetry, even if it doesn't have major or rhyming or whatever you can always write something in what's called Freeverse there are no rules with that and it frees you up to be able to write just about anything you want. Patricia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you. Poetry isn't my thing. I just tried. LOL Thank you for your kindness.
