Love and Loss
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Melancholy Me"NaPoWriMo April Poetry Contest
43 total reviews
Comment from Ginda Simpson
I don't believe our grief ever goes away completely. Eventually the gray clouds do pass by, but there will always be a flickering shadow, somewhere, even on days of sunshine. Thankfully, the good memories are like sunshine. This is such a heartfelt poem.
reply by the author on 03-May-2023
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I don't believe our grief ever goes away completely. Eventually the gray clouds do pass by, but there will always be a flickering shadow, somewhere, even on days of sunshine. Thankfully, the good memories are like sunshine. This is such a heartfelt poem.
Comment Written 03-May-2023
reply by the author on 03-May-2023
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Ginda you perfectly described what's behind this poem. Thank you so much for your review!
Comment from Jim Wile
Jess, this is beautiful! So sad and haunting, and I love the 7-beat meter. Yes, 7 beats because you lead the reader into supplying the missing pause beat between the two clauses on each line with a skillfully applied punctuation mark.
If I could suggest 2 changes to the third stanza: In line 1, to take the accent off "of", try "Maybe I am jaded, but I am past denial." The reader will read line 3 as either:
"But since she had to leave, though I've come a long way"
or
"But since she had to leave, though I've come a long way"
Both have their flaws. It might be better to rephrase it as:
"But since she had to leave, and though I'm here to stay,"
I would also suggest changing line 2 of the last stanza to be: "If it means I won't, lose my thoughts of her."
Otherwise, the meter is extremely good. Well done! Jim
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reply by the author on 03-May-2023
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Jess, this is beautiful! So sad and haunting, and I love the 7-beat meter. Yes, 7 beats because you lead the reader into supplying the missing pause beat between the two clauses on each line with a skillfully applied punctuation mark.
If I could suggest 2 changes to the third stanza: In line 1, to take the accent off "of", try "Maybe I am jaded, but I am past denial." The reader will read line 3 as either:
"But since she had to leave, though I've come a long way"
or
"But since she had to leave, though I've come a long way"
Both have their flaws. It might be better to rephrase it as:
"But since she had to leave, and though I'm here to stay,"
I would also suggest changing line 2 of the last stanza to be: "If it means I won't, lose my thoughts of her."
Otherwise, the meter is extremely good. Well done! Jim
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2023
reply by the author on 03-May-2023
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Jim, YOU are the BEST! I was completely burnt out last night while looking this over and planned to bother you this morning- you've already answered my questions!
Thank you! Xoxo
Jess
Comment from Ricky1024
This chapter in your book entitled, "Melancholy Me"
Was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a good day.
Doctor Ricky
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reply by the author on 04-May-2023
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This chapter in your book entitled, "Melancholy Me"
Was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a good day.
Doctor Ricky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2023
reply by the author on 04-May-2023
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Thank you so much!